How Do I Say Goodbye?

[Myknosis]

I am asking anyone who has been through a mayor loss of love to help me find the answers to these questions:

 

1. How do I stop wondering where she is and what she is doing when my whole life was knowing that she cared?

2. How do I stop hoping that she will come back when I see my unborn children in her eyes?

3. How do I forget 7 years of wonderful life together and turn my back on all that we built together?

4. How do I stop fearing that she is in love and having sex with someone else when she was my virgin?

5. How do I say goodbye?

[Gerhard]

I posted here with more or less the same problem about 5-6 months ago.

You'll probably get alot of advice, BUT, the only true remedy is time. Nobody can give you a magic spell to cast that'll make all the pain go away. Only time will ease the emptiness you feel right now. Not to make this about me now. We were together 4 years when we broke up. I was crushed, same as you feel now. Took me about 3 months before I started to feel good about myself again, 3 months of Hell that was, but the human spirit is tough. All you can do now is keep busy, try a brand new hobby, join the gym, take up a new sport, just do something you've never done before. I know it seems impossible for you now, but believe me, time will heal. Good Luck man.

[Kolgar]

Good post, Gerhard. I agree with you completely.

 

Myknosis, your feelings sound familiar. But take Gerhard's advice. In time, you will find happiness again.

 

Rob

[Jennyfur01]

wow that's exactly how i feel. i keep worrying my ex (its been 4 weeks since we broke up) will kiss this other girl liz, or maybe even more. whenever he goes out all i can think of is i wonder what they are talking about or doing, but i guess its his choice.........and your ex's too. Life sucks, love sucks.........but in the end we go through both. Love will come again and in time I think we'll both move on. Like the others said.....find something to keep you busy, something you enjoy. In time things will either work out for you and her, or you'll move on and find happiness elsewhere. Either way good luck with everything. *hugz*

 

Take care,

Jenny

[Myknosis]

She said that she needed space and independence so that she can be a stronger person for us. She says that there is no one else and I have struggled daily.

 

I've been reading many posts here because it truly has helped me to see that I'm not the only person who has experienced the pain and agony of being dumped only to be to told that the reason is for space and independence.

 

I've found awesome ways to begin my emotional detachment but my heart still hurts. I'm on the receiving end of the breakup and I tried to talk to her for understanding. I've smothered her with tears, endearing words, and information on ways that she might begin her process of understanding herself - but I've come to the realization that I can't fix or change her. I've tried to say goodbye only to fight with myself to e-mail or call her.

 

I am trying to find my inner strenght now. To all of you have experienced or are going through this, should I e-mail her and let her know that I accept that I can't fix her and that I'm not going to smother her with any more contact or information?

[Blind_Snowman_76]

Same experience here. Just broke off w/ my girl of 3.5 years. I would not e-mail her or call her now at this point. It will not make stating the obvious to her anymore...as actions speak louder than words. I would take the advice of posters above...take up a new hobby and find ways to pass the time...in time...things will be better...much luck to you.

[Myknosis]

I've been going through scenario's in my head of her calling me or trying to contact me. If my ex-wife calls me to talk, should I or should I give it some time?

[Sensitive]

Hey...sorry to hear about the pain your going through. I went through the exact same thing or very similar. I broke up with GF of 5 years almost 8 months ago (and *** it seems like yesterday).

 

As superficial as it sounds, over time you will learn to not hurt as much, you just have to get used to not being with her. The simple fact is you have become addicted to a person (part of love), eventually you will get used to the addiction not being there and just like a cigi, youl always crave it, but not as bad as the first day week month etc

 

I bought a Self Help book called "Letting GO" by DR Zev Wanderer and Tracy Cabot.

 

This book has the answers to all of your questions. Amazing Book

 

I too spent hours deciding weather to call her. I used to resight how i would talk to her, make up dialogue when she wasn't even there. I though i was going crazy, but this book even said that it is common to resight dialogue.

 

Go out a try new things, places, bars, etc. Meet new people. Its amazing to meet a new girl for the 1st time and to know she likes you.

 

What ever you did to make her br8 up with you was wrong. But nothin is more wrong than to end a relationship, nothin worse can be done. Just know everyone deserves to be loved. If it doesn't work out you will love again, because you have the most important characteristic a person can have that makes a relationship work: The ability to Love a Woman

[coldplay8]

I was on the other side of this about a year ago. I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years. I had wanted to do it for awhile. That is the thing about girls, they usually tolerate or try to fix for as long as possible, so if they do the breaking up, you can be pretty sure they really wanted to do it.

 

I am sorry for your pain but please try to understand that it was probably very hard on her as well. I am sure she struggled with it for a long time. Don't call her. Don't email her. Give her time and space. If she has made a mistake then she will have a chance to realize it with missing you. If she is sure, then you need to, as hard as it is, accept that this is what she wants at this point in time. And all the wishing isn't going to bring her back.

 

Anyway, my ex-boyfriend and I didn't talk for a year. But now we are back to talking and things are actually very good. He actually thanked me. He saw what was wrong and also that he was still strong enough on his own, without me or another person to hold him up. We are both changed for the better and we may even get back together.

 

So... have faith. Concentrate on yourself for now. What is meant to be will be, at least that's what I believe.

[Myknosis]

When my ex left after 7 years, I sat down and cried and days afterwards I began to list the reasons I got so hurt. Here is my list and please those of you who read this list, tell me how you dealt with it or if this is how you felt:

 

The Twelve Reasons:

 

On the day Taylor left me and the weeks that followed she was:

1. Uncompassionate – turned off her emotions and care for me instantly.

2. Hateful – she turned her love off for me and for anything that we experienced in the past. She was so willing to write a future without me and not fight for me or us.

3. Cruel – her actions of divorce and separation without contacting me and without any due reason except to accomplish a self-motivated goal.

4. Selfish – she thought of her own well-being. She said that when faced between us and her she chooses herself.

5. Brutal and merciless – she said things such as "I will always love you as a friend" and "I'm keeping the door open for us in the future but right now I choose me."

6. Emotionless – She was so willing to cut me off without any remorse or foresight into the damage her actions would cause.

7. Impulsive – Her 180 degree turn from total love to total non-emotion and her subsequent actions of divorce, quitclaim deed, change of name and moving out was rash and without regard to me.

8. Confused – I asked if it was somebody else or the desire to date somebody else – she said no. I believed her. When asked if she still loved me she said yes. I believed her. When asked if I was the only one experiencing pain and grief and if I was the only one missing us. She said no that this wasn't easy for her and that she was going through pain too. Yet, she was so willing to move on without me and not contact me. When I asked her why she didn't contact me, she said she didn't want to hurt me any more. Yet she knows that her being away is hurting me.

9. Vain and Egotistical - She said that I will be the first person who she will give a chance to have a relationship with her.

10. Immature – This entire series of events only shows that Taylor was extremely immature emotionally, morally, and ethically. She gave no regard to the ramifications of her actions. She was quick to turn off all of her concern and emotions for me. All of this because she wanted freedom and "to find herself".

11. Unsympathetic – She showed no sympathy for me or for our life together and the pain and devastation she caused. She was at peace with her decision and felt that she was right.

12. Off Priority – Taylor chose work over me and school. She dropped me and dropped a class during the summer. She even continued to volunteer for the Red Cross.

 

It's the times alone I feel like *beep*. Where do I find someone who can help me rebound? Is that even healthy?

[coldplay8]

instead of using the list to remind you why you're hurt (understandably), use it to remind you that she really isn't worth it. is that the type of person you want to be with? i know you have memories of another, happier, day- but if she is really that heartless, i think you need to get angry at the list, not sad. anger, which i think you'll face soon, will help you get over.

 

rebounding, sorry to say, can help. as easy as it is to say, "work on yourself first", realizing someone else finds you attractive and interesting is never bad for your ego... at least try dating, you can't sit around waiting for her. she is obviously not doing it for you, in fact she's quite content knowing that you are sitting there pining away for her.

[sheridansc]

sounds like alot of us feel the same way and have had this happen to us alot. Mine is about 3weeks now, we dated for 2 yrs ... monday she said lets get married ..i said i need more time she was 2 young 20 i am 25 i know there is lots to learn in those few years. But anyways back to you.

 

Get angry, dont call her ... write her and try not to think about her. I went to buy some smokes today and saw her car at a guys house she cheated on me with ... not the guy she is engaged to 2 weeks after we broke up. Now mine as a nutt case.. a total freak i should have left her years ago... but wanted to be the nice guy ...dont be that guy. let it go, move on. It might take you a few weeks months maybe longer ... but move on.

 

women are very strange, not much you can do after they want to break up. they have made up their minds and are not going back. now 1 yr from now you might run into her and all that might change ....

 

get a hobby, go to bars (dont see her everywhere you go!)

 

do stuff

 

start hanging out with your friends again ...

 

it will be ok... trust me

 

good luck