Do things improve...or will this nightmare just continue...

[LostAngel]

Hi Everyone

 

I am not doing well, I am sruggling to get through this...

 

I am trying to heal but its just so hard. Things don't seem to be improving -I still am so hurt & it feels that everytime I try to move forward --I'm stepping back to where I started.

 

I haven't been on here for a while. During this time --I have spoken to him a couple of times and even saw him. But I have messed up too... Falling back into the trap of "bringing up questions about us" when I spoke to him or when I saw him.

 

All this Only pushing him away even more. I feel like such a failure.

 

I have tried to STOP -all I do wrong but just keep messing up each time...I am so messed up inside...

 

 

I am having a hard time accepting that -we may not be together again & don't really want to be with anyone else...

 

 

I also keep thinking that he probably has someone new (What leads me to think this is that --The last time I asked -he didn't want to tell me if he did or didn't & he just seemed to be a bit pre-occupied when I saw him last & when I speak to him...

 

I have a question???

 

Does anyone think he would TELL me if he does have someone new???

Or will he try & keep it from me?

 

Why would an ex not want us to know about the new person???

 

 

If he does have someone new ---ALREADY -I'm not sure how I'm going to handle that, if I can't even handle things now.

 

It has only been about 2 and a half months since he last broke up with me...Could he move on that quickly...

 

But I guess I also could be thinking "the worst case senario" again...

 

I try to get through each day --trying to keep myself busy & even went away n holiday...But things are getting me down.

 

I have only spoken to him about once a week. The last time I spoke to him --I managed to remain calm & didn't bring up anything about "us" at all -I also ended the phone call.

 

What I am trying to do is just --give him his space & not bring up anything about our relationship...& to be friendly...

 

 

I guess I am confused with everything & emotionally --Not coping at all...

 

 

 

Please give me any thoughts...

 

 

I have come to a point where I am losing hope for not only "us" to be together again but losing hope that I will not get myself back & be happy again...

 

 

 

LostAngel

[under_the_pressure]

I don't have the best advice, or any words of wisdom. But I can tell you, that you will be happy again.

 

I wish I had more to say. I'm here if you need to talk. I can offer that.

 

under*

[lost and lonely]

things do improve...but....it takes time.....it's been 5 mnths for me....and I'm still a mess....my ex g/f moved on and had someone new in less than 2 mnths.......that makes the pain that much worse.....I know where your coming from..it's hard not to ? everything....but....your right...you have to try and stop that, and show them nothing. I also know the step forward then step right back routine....do that all the time....

I wish I had some advice for you....but I really don't. I just keep remembering I was single when I met her, so maybee I'll find someone that I connect with that good again....it'll just take time. just remember...people go thru these break-ups all the time...if they can survive, so can you.

 

good luck.

[arwen]

Hi,

 

I can't answer the questions about him having a new gf, but I understand your need to know... it's part of the process. There will be a day that you will be able to focus more on your own life and be less interested in whether he has a new person in his life or not.

 

I don't know if he would tell you, but I advice you just to maintain NC with him. Maybe some things are better not knowing. He is no longer a part of the presense. He needs a place in your memories, and not in your worries.

 

take care, hope you feel better soon,

 

Ilse.

[rich46]

Hi,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are still hurting but 2.5 months isn't a long time so don't feel like you should be on top of the world already. These things take time...but in answer to your original question, yes things will improve for you and you'll find love again. Virtually everyone you speak to has been heartbroken at some stage in their life, and most of those people are now happy with their new partners.

 

I think that you need to cut out any contact with him, and that means complete NC. Not speaking to him once a week as that makes it pointless because you know you'll soon be able to talk to him again. You won't be making much progress because you're getting a knock back every week.

 

I did about 6 weeks total NC with my ex soon after the break up. As there was no animosity between us, I explained my reasons in an (emotional) phone call and told her why I couldn't be friends with her. Sure enough, about 6 weeks later she called me in a state and I found out that she was with someone new already. After 3.5 years together, first loves, etc...and she moved on just like that. But my point is, it didn't bother me too much, whereas it would have killed me had it happened whilst I was still in contact with her.

 

It sounds like you are trying to employ one of the so-called 'strategies' to get your ex back. Personally I don't agree with them, but that's a whole different story! You are obviously not ready to be in contact with him at all, or try to act cool, or not to bring up any talk of the relationship, etc. thereforeeee a good amount of NC is needed, and I'm talking a few months at the very least...only that will make you feel better in the long run.

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[maynards_razorblade69]

My advice is STOP talking to him and stop seeing him. Seriously, if you don't talk to him then you're not going to find out what's happening in his life, you're not going to find out if he's got a girlfriend or not and that will make you feel better. Although there is a degree of uncertainty, you are over now, and you are probably better off without him. Don't talk to him and then you can convince yourself (maybe) that he's really suffering without you. And remember, that if he DOES get another girlfriend, it's only second best!! You were the best, tell yourself that.

I'm going through the same thing, and it really really hurts, and I have to witness him flirting with another girl, but I'm staying strong and enjoying each day. Spend lots of time with your friends and ask for their support always.

Good luck to you

Lottie

xxx

[Tina smith]

HI

I cant give you any advice but I can give you an example, not about my current ex but the one from last year.

We broke up and he started dating someone a week later (talk about putting me behind him) and hes still with her to this day. But he never had a shred of decency to tell me. I had to hear from a friend, who heard it from another friends boyfriend. I was so hurt. We had been maintaining NC, but the minute I heard, I called him and asked him about it and said " Its none of your business and Im truly sorry to say that but its true."

Thats the day I made the decision and realization that Im better off. I moved on and 6 months later met the man of my dreams ( mind you we arnt in the best situation considering we are broken up and all ) but its still possible to meet someone amazing. Im going through and terrible time right now and I only want to be with him. Im giving him all the time in the world to figure everything out, but if he starts to date someone new.....Im hitting the road ....for good.

But I just want you to know, that there is light at the end. I thought my life was coming to an end last year with my ex-ex, but I got through it and found someone 10 times better than him.

I guess its somthing I hold on to also.....I mean if we dont get back together, I know I will find happiness again.

Keep strong, and know your not alone!

[shockeddismayed]

Hey lost angel,

 

Glad to see you've come back when you needed help.

 

We are here for you.

 

First, I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself. All along you've been expecting instant results. And that just isn't the case. These things take time. So cut yourself some slack for how are you feeling right now. It doesn't help to fight your feelings.

 

Now I say that, but in my second breath, I am going to give some tough love....

 

While you can't fight your feelings. You CAN FIGHT YOUR BEHAVIOUR!!!!

 

Last time you were on here... the time before that... and the time before that.... you kept coming on to tell us that you'd broken NC and that it hurt like heck. That you blew up, pressured him, drove him away, and more importantly SET YOURSELF BACK.

 

At the time you ALREADY KNEW what had given you some success.... COMPLETE NC. You promised yourself then that you would STOP these set-backs and do some serious NC.

 

You haven't done that.

 

All of this is completely in your control. Your happiness (ultimately) is in your control. It will take TIME... ALONE... to figure this out. The longer you delay this, the worse you are going to feel.

 

Please, for you own health, tell yourself that you are going to give it 2 months of COMPLETE NC before you weaken and/or re-evaluate things. Don't answer his calls.... don't call him. Don't try to find out what he is up to... don't do any of that stuff.

 

You will feel better. I PROMISE. And better yet... if there is any hope for you both, you will have INCREASED your chances with this time alone, NOT decreased it.