Happpybear's fitness/nutrition/wellness journal

[faraday]

Thanks for the link, I'll try sprouting some beans here in the next couple of days. I didn't realize I was like sprouting chai seeds...this is interesting.

 

I wonder what steaming spinach before throwing it into a smoothie would taste like?

 

 

 

 

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[happpybear]

Ya I usually put raw spinach in the smoothie, so I'm gonna use cooked now. I don't think it will make it taste weird. If you put enough strong flavored fruits in the smoothies, they can hide just about everything that might taste weird. That's the only way I can hide the taste of wheat-grass powder--lots and lots of raspberries, pineapple etc. lol

[happpybear]

I think I've turned into Garfield at this point. I dozed off in yoga class last night during savasana. This was about three hours after my late afternoon/after work nap.

 

Tonight I was supposed to check out this band with a meetup group but I canceled because I have absolutely no energy.

 

I'm glad it's the long weeked so that I can sleep and sleep and sleep. I'm going back to the doctor on Wednesday to do more bloodwork, I suspect my thryoid is off again, which would explain a lot of my lethargy. Something is just not right and I don't believe it's just iron. My B-12 isn't THAT low and my iron isn't so low that I should feel this bad. I have had my iron much lower than this and didn't feel like Garfield, so...something else must be going on here.

[happpybear]

I'm really grateful that I can afford to see a naturopath. I think it's been really good for me to have both a good doctor and ND. I have learned more about my body from my ND than I ave ever learned from a doctor. Every-time I see my ND I learn something new, and she is totally cool with answering any question I have.

 

I didn't realize that I was eating to many carbs. I guess I was just so happy to have gained a few pounds, and figured if I kept eating a little extra carbs it would help me keep that weight. Plus, I have been doing bread baking experiments for the past few months, so I will have to cut back on that too. The good thing is that I only eat whole grain stuff, and brown rice, but I just eat too much of it! Darn, it's so delicious though!

 

I also find it interesting that you can determine whether you are eating too many carbs and whether you will end up diabetic in 10 years based on a simple blood test. I always thought the fasting glucose test indicates that, but it's not the only one and not the best test to determine it either. I also find it interesting that it was my naturopath that saw the problem in my blood tests results, my MD did not point out any issues, but then maybe that isn't really surprising...

 

Anyway definitely a wake-up call. I'm not in the danger zone yet, but have to cut down portion sizes and rethink the fruits I eat. I am going to cut my morning oatmeal portion in half and bulk it back up with quinoa/flax/chia/sunflower seeds. Instead of sweetening it with dates, I will just put berries in or a little sprinkle of coconut palm sugar.

 

I need to cut back on the rice too, It's my staple and I realize now that I eat a lot of rice, I eat it everyday. I will have to cut out half the portion and bulk it back up with legumes instead.

 

Have to stop eating bananas all the time too, I eat a lot of bananas, they are a staple in my smoothies and I usually eat one as an afternoon snack. I have to cut down on that, find a banana substitute for smoothies.

[happpybear]

Got an email from my grandma today to remind me of my mothers b-day today. Lol, it's cute and also.....a bit disheartening that she thinks that I need the reminder?

 

I feel that my fam thinks of me and my bro as kids still. Irresponsible, forgetful kids--even though we are not. It comes out in little ways, they way they speak, the reminders about stuff like "don't forget to thank your aunt for the xmas gift" yes yes of course mom, of course I wouldn't forget to thank my aunt, I'm not 8 years old, no need to remind me of something so basic!

 

I don't know if it is just a normal thing to continue to see your kids, grand-kids like they are still kids even when they are well into their thirties. Maybe it's because I am unmarried, no family of my own (and same with my bro) so there is idea that we are not fully "grown-up" maybe....?

 

oh well. I have had the 'I'm no longer a child now" discussion with my mother several times, so has my brother but I don't think it sunk in. I don't want to have this discussion with my grandma so I'm just going to thank her for the reminder...Maybe it's just ingrained habits and nothing more. But I admit that it makes me feel lousy, that they think I would need to be reminded of stuff like this....

[faraday]

Don't take other peoples issues and make them your own...or take their issues personally. Just smile and thank them and keep doing what you're doing.

 

Also....people will always see you as a child if they knew you that way. My friends little brothers will forever be 8 in my head...and my little brother will always be 15 lol. My daughter will always be my baby...it's just...the way things are

 

 

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[happpybear]

Arg! My silly dogmonster has this awful eye infection and he will not co-operate and let me put drops in his eye. He gets so squirmy that it's hard to hold him still long enough to get the drop in his eye, and I'm afraid that if he jerks his head the wrong way I will end up accidentally stabbing him in the eye with the stupid eye-dropper!

 

He is a little dog too, so I can't just wrestle him down, I might break him, he is pretty delicate so I am afraid if I hold his face too hard I will break one of his little chicken bones...God, 6 more days of this struggle. It stresses me out, and then that stresses him out and now I think he's afraid of me.

 

Right now he is sitting there accross the room staring at me warily with his dirty eyeball. I was unsuccessful getting the drops in this morning, I am going to wait a bit and then try again. *sigh*

[happpybear]

Feeling a bit better today, though yesterday I still had problems getting out of bed, ended up sleeping for an hour longer, consequently 1 hour late for work but no one saw me come in late and my boss wasn't there so I got away with it, phew! Had to drink a lot of caffeine during the day. I used to wake naturally at 6am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. For the past few months I have been dragging myself out of bed at 7-7:30.

 

Went to TIFF this morning with the dog, just walked around and checked it out as the road was closed for pedestrian traffic. Was hoping I would run into Bill Murray--but no luck there!

I don't want to see any of the movies because the lines are insane and I'm feeling blah.

 

It was a long walk and but I didn't feel that heavy weighted feeling in my legs, like my ankles have weights on them, which is how I feel when I walk the dog or climb climb the stairs lately, so that's an improvement I guess.

 

Tomorrow I am going to learn how to kayak--I am really tempted to cancel this because I feel so blah, but I paid for it in advance several months ago, before I felt like crap... but I really do want to learn and if I don't do it this fall, I will have to wait until next year to do it. Thankfully it is not something nuts like white water kayaking, more like lazy river kayak, lol, hopefully it won't be too taxing.

[happpybear]

Kayaking is awesome and I am so glad I went! I definitely want to do this more often, this place offers kayak rentals--$30 for 2 hours!

 

I like kayaking better than canoeing. I find paddling a canoe awkward even though I have long arms. It is much easier to steer and maneuver a kayak.

 

It is such a great upper body workout, also great for your core. I really felt it in my arms, shoulders and neck, and those areas will be really sore tomorrow! I was able to get a good paddling rhythm going, but only when I wasn't chatting with people, lol.

[faraday]

Kayaking is so fun! Glad you went

 

I hope you feel better soon

 

 

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[happpybear]

Thanks farady!

 

I did feel better today actually. I woke up before my alarm sounded, and felt refreshed and awake, didn't need to hit snooze 4 times, lol

 

I also didn't feel like I needed to have caffeine in the morning--so I didn't, though I did get a bit spaced-out in the afternoon so had a wee coffee. I still feel awful trying to climb stairs though, just one flight makes me feel like a 90 year old.

 

I am really glad I went kayaking, really glad. I realized that I had been isolating myself, which is something I always do when I am not feeling well physically or am upset about something. I don't think it's bad per se, as I am such an introvert anyway, but I don't think making myself an a total island is the healthiest thing either. I just stop reaching out entirely--avoid hanging out with/contacting friends and doing anything outside of going to work, walking the dog and getting groceries--so as to take it easy on myself.

 

I met some really awesome fun people at the kayaking place and did not feel blah at all when I was there, and it sort of hit me how I hadn't let myself do anything fun for several weeks. The thing is too, the weather is still warm, but it won't last for much longer, I need to maximize my time before it snows, so I am just going to make myself go and do stuff until it's too cold to go out and do anything, and all the fun festivals and street events are done for the year.

[faraday]

I do that too. I have ulcerative colitis...and this summer I flared...and I just hid from everyone. It snowed yesterday. So...I feel like I blew it. At least there's knitting with friends (we're geriatric).

 

I'm glad you got out. It's funny how...the nothing can consume us...and we realize we've been wasting time instead of enjoying it. I'm hoping it will warm up again before real winter. I want to go kayaking now lol

[happpybear]

I feel so bad that you guys are getting snow! like honestly, ? I think it's just a blip, I hope you will get a bit of an Indian summer

 

Ya, I've totally let all of these fun things pass me by, and I'm pissed at myself about it...

 

Haha, I knit too, It's funny, I was cleaning out my giant knitting bag on the weekend and down at the bottom I found a partially knitted Harry Potter scarf (the nicer style from Prisoner of Azkaban) that I started like 3-4 years ago and never finished! So, winter project for sure.

[faraday]

I love Harry Potter! We had an exhibit come through our science centre and we got a picture of us having a wand battle with our opposing house scarves on. It's a neat picture.

 

I'm hoping the snow passes too. They were forecasting a really hot fall...then we got this lol. My kale is dead under all the snow. All the giant oak trees that line my street are sagging to the pavement under the weight of all the snow stuck to their still green leaves. I got my tomatoes and eggplants in...and I'm hoping my potatoes, garlic and onions will survive...I think they will. Oh canada. I love you...and then sometimes I debate finding a cute American to marry (just for the winter weather though- I love canada too much to leave forever). *sighs*

 

 

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[happpybear]

Lol ya, I could totally winter in Florida for sure, though I would miss the snow and cold eventually, it would get me down not to have a cold Christmas.

[faraday]

There's something so special about just fallen snow. I love the way it covers the city in a crisp, clean blanket...and the sound of it crunching under boots, and snow angels...and mini angry snowman armies. And how all the bugs die. And the sound cars make when they drive through it. And how it sticks to eyelashes and covers hoods...and no matter what...snow always makes me feel like a kid.

 

 

I would miss it too. I just...could be without it for another month or two lol. I could also be without -40.

 

Any cute men live in Florida? We want to winter with you!!

 

 

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[happpybear]

Ah yes!!! I love when there has been a fresh snow fall overnight and you are the first to tread in it in the morning, and that fresh snow smell, and how the sky goes sort of orangey at night when it is going to snow. There have been some mild Christmases over the last few years here in Ontario, so that we had green Christmases...it was weird.

[happpybear]

I filled up my social calendar again

 

I am going to go and try eating sushi on Saturday. I think I can handle sushi, there isn't anything in most of the rolls that will affect me badly, but I will have to bring my alternative soy sauce, I don't trust the soy sauce at these restaurants, most are filled with garbage that will hurt my stomach. If this goes well, then at least I know that I can eat at sushi restaurants again--which will be great! I haven't had sushi in a few years now.

 

The next few weeks will be it for free time, I have a course starting soon and I have heard that it has a pretty heavy workload, so I suspect that will take up a lot of my free time from late September through December.

 

I also want to make a new hat/scarf/mitten set to wear for winter. And want to do this cable pattern with dove grey wool:

 

 

 

Ambitious!! I haven't cabled in awhile and I have never cabled on mittens or hats, only scarves so hopefully it won't be too weird, and hopefully I can get it done in time before it gets too cold.

[happpybear]

I had a dream last night about the Franklin expedition. That I was one of the Inuit people that helped the crew, lol.

 

I am so ridiculously envious of the underwater archaeologists working on the Franklin expedition. The elation they must have felt when the wreck came onto the radar screen. Now they get to go dive and see it all up close. Franklin might still be on that ship, depending on which of the two is down there.

 

I have always wanted to learn how to scuba dive for the express purpose of volunteering with underwater archaeological expeditions. There is something that fascinates me about shipwrecks, and studying them and excavating them is so much more challenging because it's all underwater.

 

I wonder if they are allowing volunteers to help. I would totally take a leave of absence from work and go there for a few months to help! Ok, reality check--that's not going to happen, totally can't drop my life right now to run away up North, but I can dream right?

[happpybear]

Oh god I totally forgot how good sushi is. I hadn't had it in so long....I'm glad I felt fine after eating it, I stuck with the simple rolls without any weird sauces on/in them. I was fine, which is a relief. Problem is now I have sushi cravings--can't eat this stuff too often though.

 

I really should start trying to eat out again just to see what I can handle. I think I can do breakfast/brunch type foods with no problems, so if I order eggs, rye toast, and fruit I will be ok. simple stuff.

 

Tomorrow is going to be 24 degrees out! Probably the last hot day before it starts to get cold. I really want to go kayaking again, but I have come down with a cold and feel awful. It sucks, it's probably the last decent weekend and I will probably end up staying in.

 

Class starts next week..so excited!

[happpybear]

I'm so...unsure. Of what to do. I couldn't even sleep last night. I had my class and the instructor made us "pitch" him, sell our business ideas to him.

 

I though I was going to have a heart attack. I have never been so nervous in all my life. To tell this to a room full of strangers. To tell this to the instructor, who is some sort of business savant, ex-investment banker, founder of multiple companies, private equity firm owner and angel investor....and he is also really really handsome and totally cool.

 

I have never really told many people about my little business idea--not even my own mother. All because of fear. I'm afraid I will jinx it. I'm afraid people will laugh and think I am foolish. I'm afraid someone will tell me that It's a bad idea. I'm afraid that someone will tell me that I am not smart/risky/savvy enough to make this a success. I'm afraid that I will believe them. I'm afraid that I kind of already believe all of this...

 

Once you talk about...the genie's out of the bottle. People have expectations of you. You have expectations for yourself. You are then accountable to others and yourself to do something. Sometimes I think I prefer the idea of it, and not the reality. Yet, I know that if I do nothing, someone else will..someone else WILL do this, my idea will no longer be mine alone and if someone else makes it a success...I will always feel so bad that I never took a chance.

 

But I am afraid that if I do it, I will fail. Miserably. Epically. End up bankrupt and alone, living by my wits in an alley with feral cats...ok, exaggeration. Financially and emotionally ruined though, regardless.

 

I have no clue how to do this, and my "pitch" was awful...but then, everyone's was. I did not make it logical or believable, did not tell a story. I mumbled and fidgeted and blushed. I don't know what all I said, that's the problem. when I get nervous two things may happen, I either: 1) lose the ability to speak because my brain stops working...2) let verbal diarrhea come out of my mouth because my brain stops working. Last night, option 2 happened...

 

I'm going to see this class through, I don't know if I will continue to take others afterward. I may abandon this whole thing entirely.

[happpybear]

Realization: My current dilemmas are the most interesting and possibly life altering dilemmas I've had in a long time. There's a buzz, in my life. I like it. I feel my life has been stagnant for a few years, and it has now finally started to sparkle again.

 

It's nice to have a plan again, I feel safer and more in control than I have in awhile, despite the challenges these dilemmas may pose. I don't like that rudderless feeling, so many people I know love that fly by the seat of your pants thing. I have had a life plan since I was 10 years old, and then to suddenly not have one is earth shattering to me. I felt useless and lost, set adrift. I know that I need to have something to work toward, and I need to also have a contingency plan in case it doesn't work out.

 

I feel I am going in the right direction, and need to not let my doubts cloud my judgement. I really need to work on countering that negative self-talk. It wasn't much of an issue until that class. Up until then these negative thoughts had circled in my head, but just in a vague way. Just enough to keep me on my toes and keep my feet on the ground, it was the class made those thoughts take over, I felt so intimidated by the success of the instructor and the other business ideas from the students, there were some great ideas presented.

[happpybear]

I'm buying myself an engagement ring this weekend

 

A cheap vintage ring--my favorite kind. I think this is the only easy way to deter unwanted attention from single male colleagues going forward. I thought about making up a fake BF and inserting him into small talk at the office, like "Mr. SexyPants and I are going to BlahBlahBlah this weekend"...but I feel weird verbally broadcasting bald-faced lies, not a good liar, my face gives it all away anyway.

 

I figure a ring will get accross the same sort of message but without me having to verbalize it. All I have to do is wave my hand a bit, and then it is known....and hopefully will stop any attempt at flirting. If someone asks about the ring, I'll just smile and wink and walk away.

 

This is the 4rth guy in the past few years that has tried to start up a flirt with me at work. It's not even flattering anymore. God that sounds b*tchy and ungrateful. I don't mean to sound like that, but I just feel so uncomfortable with the situation. The last two times I ended up avoiding the guys outright—not to be mean but mostly out of sheer terror that one might ask me out and then I would have to turn him down, which makes me feel like I am being a b*itch, but then I don’t want to be nice because then they might take it the wrong way and continue the attention. It’s to the point now where I cringe inside whenever my boss tells me that she has hired a new guy.

 

I don't want to date a colleague that works 5 feet away from me. All of these guys have been over 5 years younger than me, this current guy is 9 years younger! I can't honestly date someone this young.

[BeaTlesFan77]

Wish you were closer Happpybear. Then we could shop for records together.

[imsuperman]

Ever read The Terror by Dan Simmons?