she wants to make me exclusive, but not her boyfriend

[Tears May Fall]

im a 21 year old college student, and am dating a 29 year old woman for about 4 months now. She is well established into her career, has been married(and divorced) twice now, and has a 9 year old daughter. None of that bothers me because everyone has their past and its unfortunate that things didnt go as expected but you have to carry on with your life. I even get along with her daughter great. Me and her met in august, and had an instant attraction, but she had just gotten out of a divorce this past summer, and so she only looked at me as a friend. However as time progressed, and we spoke more and more, eventually leading to almost speaking everyday and hanging out quite often and beginning to get physical, feelings developed and we became intimate about two months ago and since then things have been great, and we pretty much act like a couple. Im over at her place quite often hanging out, and we get along great and cant cease to amuse each other. BTW, this isnt my first time dating a much older woman, so its nothing new to me.

Recently, about a month ago, she told me she wasnt interested in seeing anyone else, and i was shocked but happy at her statement. I spoke with her in the next couple of days about the situation and we both agreed to keep things exclusive between one another, as in not seeing, talking to or sleeping with anyone else. She decided to cut off whatever other "potential" ties she had with anyone else and i agreed to the same. I dont have any problem trusting her on her decision and actions.

We were happy about the decision, and we both realize we dont want a committed long term relationship at the time, but she STRONGLY emphasized, and repeats quite often, that im not her boyfriend. This kinda confuses me because i dont know exactly what she wants and means. She enjoys the sex perhaps that she doesnt feel a need to get it anywhere else, but how does she really feel about having me as a companion and communicating with me(even though she can talk to me endlessly all night on the phone). One thing that bothers me particularly is that she gets annoyed if i ask her what she did in her day, but she wont mind me asking how her day was, to which the answer is usually good and busy. It kinda gets boring and annoying hearing "good, but busy" everyday, and i just wanna know what she did thruout her day very briefly, nothing detailed, only cause i care to learn more and get to know her better, but im not sure if she really thinks or feels the same, because it seems like just that little bit violates her entirely. I feel like that isnt fair to me to not be able to ask what she did in her day, or is she perhaps hiding something from me? . I have no problem with telling her what i did thruout the course of my day, but apparently its the end of the world if i ask her. Im confused on what she exactly means by this and why she might act this way. Shes always stressed her privacy issue, but i think shes pushing it a little. In agreeing not to speak to anyone else, i told her that perhaps then she would be more centered in my attention and that i'd be only talking to her and as long as that wont be overwhelming, this whole "exclusive" thing isnt a problem to me, to which she said she would love it if we spoke more. But then why does it bother her if i ask her something? I think in someways i dont feel important to her. Can anyone who has any insight on this help me with what exactly this girl wants from me? Or perhaps just look at things from her perspective and explain to me. thanks

[arwen]

Hey tears,

 

I think she is not looking for a real relationship, but she doesn't want to be intimate with more than one person.

 

The lack of communication on her part is sort of a result/symptom of that. I think that she wants you as her exclusive 'lover' (sorry, in my language there is a separate term for this, I don't know if this distinction holds in English) not her exclusive boyfriend. The difference being that a lover is good for having a good time with and sex, but nothing for the future.

 

She is just divorced. I wouldn't expect anything serious from her any other than a good time and some great physical experiences .

 

If you feel more for her and you see a future, I would first wait how this develops. If you feel it doesn't change, you can be honest or break up to spare yourself the pain.

 

Ilse.