MissLily13 Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Hi all, was just wondering if anybody has break ups stories involving their ex who was an admitted alcoholic and verbally abusive to them, and how they got through it. We were in an on again off again relationship, and despite the red flags, I still wanted ot ti work out so very badly for us, because we loved each other. This morning he crossed the line, and it is over for good. I know it is the right thing to do, and call me crazy, but I am still just having a hard time letting go. We loved each other very much, and when times were good, they were amazing, we were alike in every way, same interests, temperament, passions, etc. But when it was bad, it got very ugly, very fast. His alcoholism only came out in the end when we would fight or werent doing well as a couple, and he got high a lot too. The weed contributes to him not being motivated to get out of his debt and strive to find a better job and move towards a better life. I know that I dont want to live with somebody I will have to take care of like this for the rest of my life, and who cant provide for himself, let alone help to provide for a family. I know that this is the right decision, and I know I need to move on, it just really hurts, and it is so very fresh still, and despite all the BS we went through , like I said, call me crazy, but I still love him. Any advice on how to preoccupy myself and ultimately not break NC or any similar stories would be amazing, thank you all for taking the time to read! Link to comment
maccerz Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I haven't been in a relationship with an alcoholic however my stepdad has an alcohol problem. One thing you must always remember about alcoholics - the number one most important relationship in their life (whilst they continue in their addiction) will always be alcohol. My stepdad's alcoholism tore him away from his family. He now lives on his own and regularly speaks of how lonely etc he is, however this was all his doing. He had the choice to either give up the alcohol or leave because it was making our (usually) lovely family home a very toxic place to be. He chose alcohol over his family. I look at his life now and it makes me incredibly sad, but alcohol has a power over people like u wouldnt believe.. I'm telling you now, stay away from this situation. It is not a situation you want your future kids to grow up in, or something you want to have to deal with for the rest of your life. The verbal abuse wont stop, infact it will probably get worse. Honestly, leave and dont look back. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Yes, I was in a year-long LDR with a man who I loved very, very much. And then I left my job, packed my bags and moved in with him only to find out he was an alcoholic, drug addict and the verbal abuse began. I didn't stick around after that beyond telling him to look me up if he ever got sober, but it took me awhile to get over. I got through it by playing that Patti Smyth song "Sometimes love just ain't enough" and reminding myself that although I loved him I couldn't stay and go through what I knew he was going to put me through. My father was an alcoholic and I'd long ago resolved never to stay with someone who was and I never have. I saw what it did to my parents as a child and just...no. Also Al-Anon is a great group for helping you learn about alcoholism and come to terms with your role as someone who loves an alcoholic. You'll find support and there should be a group in your area to at least go attend meetings. It also helps to find other people who have been and/or are going through similar issues. This is the link to main organization and you can find out about your local groups from there. That group helped me tremendously when I was a teenager watching my parents go through their issues and it helped again when I left my ex and needed help. And finally going NC helped too although I foolishly didn't do that for over a year before he finally admitted he had no interest in getting sober and likely never would. Preoccupy yourself by finding a new activity or skill to learn since that helps keep your mind focused on something else, go out with friends, work on healing yourself, talk to a support group or even a therapist if need be. You just need time and you just need to realize that in spite of loving him what you're doing is for the best for you. Link to comment
MissLily13 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Share Posted March 4, 2014 Thank you for the responses, I really appreciate them. I am definitely going to see a therapist and was strongly considering going to alanon. I just can;t believe it is over for real but more importnatly that it ended the way it did. It is just so sad and unreal how he could be this amazingly caring, considerate, romantic guy but as soon as something didn't go right or he had alcohol, he was a different man. It's just sad to see him killing himself and knowing this is over forever. I know this is the right decision, it's just so disheartening. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Assuming OP meant verbally abusive. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 What is "vernally abusive"? I corrected the OP's title. for her. Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Hi MissLily - I read your story and just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I hope you are feeling better and focusing on you. Sending you love Link to comment
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