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Boyfriend Not Over Ex.


Stairway2777

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I found out yesterday that my boyfriend has been keeping in contact with an ex girlfriend. As far as I know, they didn't speak much but she e-mailed him and he told her not to contact her but also said it was hard enough to keep her off his mind and that he hasn't moved on. We've been living together for a few months now and I don't really know what to do. He mentioned months ago that he missed her sometimes and I thought it was a bit strange but I didn't dwell on it. I don't understand why he's still so attached. She was horrible to him. Cheated, lied, used him etc. I don't trust him at all right now and I feel like I'm second best. If she shows up one day I am not confident that he wouldn't want to go with her. I'm heartbroken. I don't know what to do.

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I had a boyfriend that told me he hadn't spoken to his ex in months and then come to find out a little after 2 months into our relationship (after he had sworn to me he only loved me, only wanted me, would never do anything to betray me) he and his married ex had been corresponding behind my back the entire time and his latest email included little gems like "I love you, I'll always love you, I'll always be there for you, I'm longing for you, I'm so lonely without you," etc. Needless to say, I was devastated... I was stunned too since she had cheated on him with not one, but FIVE different guys and had even ended up marrying one of the winners she cheated on him with. I immediately broke up with him, but he and his mother both talked me into giving him another chance. I stupidly acquiesced because I was so head-over-heels in love with him... He swore up and down he would immediately write her, inform her of me, tell her to never write him again, and promised he would do whatever it took to make it up to me, treat me like a princess, etc. (never happened). Initially, she expressed outrage at his deception, but a few months after she started her skank campaign up again and tried to get him back. Foolishly, I wasted a year of my life on this guy who ended up breaking my heart all over again at the end. I cannot tell you what to do, all I can offer is what I have figured out for myself: when a man lies to you, cheats on you (whether it's physically our emotionally in our cases) and has intentionally gone behind your back and spent time with another women instead of giving that time and interest to you then he does not love you, respect you, and no matter what excuses he comes up with to pardon his ridiculous behavior it is all nothing than a further extension of his betrayal. The person you can count on for love and respect is you so do for yourself what he has chosen not to and find someone that truly loves you, adores you, and will never think of getting involved with another in any way whatsoever. You do deserve to be first in someone's mind & heart, please believe that and never think you are or let yourself be treated as second best. I am so very sorry for your pain Stairway2777 lots of hugs.

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Yes, you know what to do. You just don't want to do it. The guy has been living with you and he tells her he hasn't moved on. That's all you need to know to break up with him..and it doesn't matter why he's still attached...what matters is that he is. Don't you think you deserve someone who'll be attached TO YOU?

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You had your answer months ago when he told you he still missed her "sometimes". The sometimes being when he wasn't distracting himself with you. You knew then that when you two weren't together (or even worse, when you were) she was still on his mind and he missed her.

Your gut was already telling you this though, otherwise you wouldn't have gone onto his email to have a peek. Now you have your answer, what are you going to do about it? Are you happy emotionally sharing this guy with another woman? It doesn't matter how she treated him - he still thinks about her and misses her. Pack your things and leave, honestly - you are right. He would dump you in a second if she wanted him to.

 

EDIT: The fact that he has told you that she is horrible, treated him badly, was mean etc just goes to show that he wasn't over her. If a man is still openly bad mouthing his ex then he hasn't moved on, and you are just the rebound.

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Well, for starters... how did you find this out? Did you go through his email?

 

If so, that indicates an already damaged trust.

 

Secondly, it's your call to stay or go. You can sit him down and ask what gives, or you can bail and protect your own self-interest.

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That sucks to hear =/

Though in a way...After only 2 months into the relationship with him, it was probably alittle idealistic to believe him when he gushed about love and all that jazz.

Those sort of things grow and take time.

 

OP, I'd definitely end it with him. You shouldn't be the consolation prize.

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