What qualities in partner are non-negotiable for you and why?

[mhowe]

I was an English major, and do judge people by their (see) grammar and spelling.

 

However, not a deal break. Bf sucks at spelling.

He is, however, a culinary trained chef ---- so I give him a pass on the spelling.

[Angler]

I was an English major, and do judge people by their (see) grammar and spelling.

 

However, not a deal break.

 

That is why this thread title includes "for you".

[kompakt]

Is it not reasonable for non-English teachers to have standards?

 

Not like your's, I'm probably better educated than you are, in fact I would bet on that and I can't spell to save my life without the trusty spell checker. I find it sad that you automatically say no to someone who sometimes forgets the difference between your and you're. What are your other deal breakers may I ask?

[Angler]

We now return you to the regularly scheduled thread!

[Liraele]

Just curious how you came to these as non-negotiable. Was it through experience in past relationships or was it always like this for you? Have you ever compromised your non-negotiable values? If so, what was the outcome?

 

Must be honest. Everyone lies; you can't lie about the big things. This was one that I learned over time, and learned just how important it was to me - partially because I was just as guilty. I don't like not being honest, and when I'm not... I don't like myself much. So... honesty. Super important.

 

No alcoholics. This one has always been a criteria. You can drink. Don't be a drunk. (You control it, not the other way around.) This one is courtesy of alcoholic parents. I hated growing up in that environment... I want better for me and my children.

 

Must be self-reliant and self-motivated. This is one that came over time, too. People who are aimless and unmotivated don't get much accomplished - personally, professionally, period. It's OK to have "down" periods... but your entire life shouldn't be one. Get up off your butt and be an adult. (I'm not applying this to someone with a handicap or whatever, but an able-bodied able-minded adult who has no excuse other than laziness.)

 

Un-materialistic. This is a new(ish) one. People who are super attached to things and status... not for me. At all.

[Angler]

What are your other deal breakers may I ask?

 

I listed them.

[kompakt]

I listed them.

 

You have very high standards I must say, I don't agree with most of them because if you click with someone you just click despite all these deal breakers.

 

I can't agree with the non-smoking because I smoke myself and that would make me a hypocrite if I didn't want the girl to smoke, and being fit well I've been with some great girls who were overweight and let me tell you your missing out by excluding them, they had great personalities and were great in bed and just because their fat it doesn't mean they are not good looking. Also financial independence doesn't make a difference to me, some people are lucky to have that support from their family I don't see that as a negative.

 

Only thing I agree with is that must not be dumb, and well educated and most importantly must not lie or keep secrets.

[Moontiger]

Thank you for the reminder!

 

Addendum to my list: Must use your/you're, and there/their/they're correctly. I suppose that requirement fits under "educated".

 

I understand this but do allow exceptions as I am dyslexic and therefore often spell things wrong/confuse similar words. It's more important for me that someone understand how to use your/you're etc even if in informal writing they don't use it correctly all the time.

[Angler]

You have very high standards I must say, I don't agree with most of them because if you click with someone you just click despite all these deal breakers.

 

Here's the thing: I wouldn't click with the girl because of the deal-breakers. These are personal, so of course my views won't necessarily align with your views.

 

I am not hypocritical for having my requirements. I fulfill everything on my list.

[mhowe]

I don't think Angler was interviewing you for the partner roll!

 

You have very high standards I must say, I don't agree with most of them because if you click with someone you just click despite all these deal breakers.

 

I can't agree with the non-smoking because I smoke myself and that would make me a hypocrite if I didn't want the girl to smoke, and being fit well I've been with some great girls who were overweight and let me tell you your missing out by excluding them, they had great personalities and were great in bed and just because their fat it doesn't mean they are not good looking. Also financial independence doesn't make a difference to me, some people are lucky to have that support from their family I don't see that as a negative.

 

Only thing I agree with is that must not be dumb, and well educated and most importantly must not lie or keep secrets.

[missmarple]

I don't think Angler was interviewing you for the partner roll!

 

Agreed

[Angler]

I understand this but do allow exceptions as I am dyslexic and therefore often spell things wrong/confuse similar words. It's more important for me that someone understand how to use your/you're etc even if in informal writing they don't use it correctly all the time.

 

Dyslexia is a disorder, and errors caused by dyslexia are in no way a reflection of intelligence or laziness. I provided the caveat for exactly this reason.

 

Even occasional mistakes aren't a big deal. Typos happen to everyone. Once in a while if I am typing quickly, "then" will come out where "than" belongs, or vice versa. As long as errors are understood to be errors and corrected it's not a big deal.

 

Chronic bad grammar, whether in formal or informal writing, is a turn off for me.

[Angler]

I don't think Angler was interviewing you for the partner roll!

 

It seemed like quite the sales pitch!

[Moontiger]

Dyslexia is a disorder, and errors caused by dyslexia are in no way a reflection of intelligence or laziness. I provided the caveat for exactly this reason.

 

Even occasional mistakes aren't a big deal. Typos happen to everyone. Once in a while if I am typing quickly, "then" will come out where "than" belongs, or vice versa. As long as errors understood to be errors and corrected it's not a big deal.

 

Chronic bad grammar, whether in formal or informal writing, is a turn off for me.

 

I missed the caveat. That's good you make exceptions. Its when a person has no excuse for bad grammar that it's a real turn off to me.

[Liraele]

I missed the caveat. That's good you make exceptions. Its when a person has no excuse for bad grammar that it's a real turn off to me.

 

Wut u meen liek bad grammer? Your purdy.

 

(Ugh. I had to force that out....and since I'm not actually hitting on you, I figured you were a safe person to respond to. )

[Angler]

Yeah but your still single right?

 

You make a lot of unfounded assertions.

 

Nowhere have I stated my education or relationship status, but you seem to be certain of both.

[Moontiger]

Wut u meen liek bad grammer? Your purdy.

 

(Ugh. I had to force that out....and since I'm not actually hitting on you, I figured you were a safe person to respond to. )

 

+1 Rep.

 

Mispronouncing words...omg...I cannot even express how it hurts my brain...

[mhowe]

Oh....that reminds me:

 

Use of the NON word....irregardless......is a deal breaker.

In fact....it will get you a departing lecture!

[kompakt]

You make a lot of unfounded assertions.

 

Nowhere have I stated my education or relationship status, but you seem to be certain of both.

 

Well you are actually single right? What I'm saying is that you have all these deal breaker's and that's fine, but your cutting a lot of people out that could be good partners despite having undesirable traits. I never get people who have all these deal breakers, they end up being single for a very long time trying to find the perfect one but that is a pipe dream.

[Angler]

Well you are actually single right?

 

No. There are plenty of women that meet the criteria. It wasn't that hard.

 

What I'm saying is that you have all these deal breaker's and that's fine, but your cutting a lot of people out that could be good partners despite having undesirable traits.

 

I am cutting out people with whom I know a relationship will not work.

 

I never get people who have all these deal breakers, they end up being single for a very long time trying to find the perfect one but that is a pipe dream.

 

Standards are good things to have. I would rather search than settle.

[mhowe]

If you set the bar high enough....you don't have to cull the herd.

The truly exceptional are the ones that rise to your standards!

[kompakt]

If you set the bar high enough....you don't have to cull the herd.

The truly exceptional are the ones that rise to your standards!

 

Attraction works in mysterious ways, I don't really care for deal breakers because if you meet the right person at the right time it won't matter about these standards you have you will break them for the right person. I've gone out with girls that I did not think it would ever work. But you know what it did work. I never thought I would find overweight girls attractive but when I was with one she honestly had more beauty inside/outside than the fittest girl I've been with.

[Moontiger]

If you set the bar high enough....you don't have to cull the herd.

The truly exceptional are the ones that rise to your standards!

 

Agreed. I don't see anything unreasonable in Angler standards.

 

Some (crazy) people can go to far with it. Like this guy: link removed

[Clio]

Based on my previous relationship I know that I can't stand disrespect to me or to others or any kind of mental or verbal abuse, lying, negative thinking, constant criticizing of me or others and whining. I did compromise on all of these and the outcome was disastrous.

Other non-negotiable deal-breakers involve cheating, gambling, physical abuse and any substance addictions, based on the way I was brought up.

I am looking for someone honest and kind whom I respect, admire and am physically attracted to.

[mhowe]

Attraction works in mysterious ways, I don't really care for deal breakers because if you meet the right person at the right time it won't matter about these standards you have you will break them for the right person. I've gone out with girls that I did not think it would ever work. But you know what it did work. I never thought I would find overweight girls attractive but when I was with one she honestly had more beauty inside/outside than the fittest girl I've been with.

 

If you don't believe in deal breakers....don't have them.