Live-N-Learn Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Just curious how you came to these as non-negotiable. Was it through experience in past relationships or was it always like this for you? Have you ever compromised your non-negotiable values? If so, what was the outcome? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Lying. Because that is how I was brought up. Never compromise on it. Outcome....serenity. Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Non-negotiable: brains (I've dated not so clever but nice men before and I got bored out of my mind)...manners (if someone is rude to people around him, he'll be rude to you, too)....sense of humour (I dated a very 'serious' guy once...the relationship was full of fights because he just wouldn't get my humour)...to be compatible in bed (I've tried to compromise in the past and it just wouldn't work). Link to comment
zentoCC Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 I have to agree with mhowe, lying. If you can't trust your partner what's the point Link to comment
ami7 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 I would never be with someone if I wouldn t be able to "admire" him for the way he is and for the things he does and for the way he lives his life, if he wouldn t respect me, if he would make me feel unfomfortable, if he would be violent, even verbally, drugs, drinking or mental issues are also out of questions for me etc. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 I walked into the relationship with my bf KNOWING he was a liar. Not nasty --- just path of least resistance, avoid conflict. I told him "I don't lie. You can count on that". Him: I don't either. Me: Laughing. You are lying right now. You do lie --- constantly. And I don't care because I know it isn't malicious. You can lie to everyone else. You cannot lie to me. No matter what it is --- nothing is worse to me than lying. We will handle the truth....regardless. Are we clear. Him: Crystal. And he does not. Ever. Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 not funny lazy... as in not motivated to get a job (including if its part-time) or take care of themselves not smart lying cheat negative personality victim personality experiences.. and i dont mind the little white lies. I never had an ex-bf who cheated or lied repeatedly to me, but I dated guys that fall in to all these categories. One thing i have compromised and I think i'm better about it, is smoking. As long as they occasionally smoke cigerrettes or pot, I am ok with it. The last guy i was seeing didnt smell or taste like cigerrettes - with no cologne on, just regular guy smell that was niiice (which btw guys, is an underrated. keep your natural guy smell for us ladies!!) Link to comment
Angler Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 There are lots of things that should be considered "givens" for anyone...honest, trustworthy, emotionally stable, etc. Above and beyond that, my required non-negotiables are: Non-smoking No kids (yet) Educated Employed Financially independent Fit Vehicle & License Non-religious Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Values - education (and that he had attained at least a college degree), health-related- no smoking/illegal drug use/excessive drinking, energetic, family-oriented and definitely wanted a family, ambitious, believed waiting to have sex was a positive way to develop a healthy relationship. Qualities -very bright, compatible senses of humor, high level of ethics and morality. I compromised a few times on the sexual values and regretted it. I did date men who hadn't attained a college degree(very few because I rarely met men who didn't at least have a college degree and wanted to date me) and regretted it for one reason or another (just a few dates each). I think most of these values/qualities were always important to me. I don't think I articulated to myself even the importance of sense of humor until later on though but I always knew it was important instinctively. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 There are lots of things that should be considered "givens" for anyone...honest, trustworthy, emotionally stable, etc. Above and beyond that, my required non-negotiables are: Non-smoking No kids (yet) Educated Employed Financially independent Fit Vehicle & License Non-religious Vehicle AND license???? Do things off the road in the north??? What about teeth? Link to comment
Angler Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Vehicle AND license???? Do things off the road in the north??? What about teeth? Yes please, teeth! Perhaps I should have ordered that License & Vehicle, since many people have a license but rely on public transport...or...ME! Link to comment
Mesemene Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Must not be a cheater (been there, and one of that t shirt was adequate for me) Must respect my views, but be willing to defend his own Must love animals Must be intelligent and able to converse decently Must have outgrown the party all night stage! Link to comment
Angler Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 breaking the bed when your in it. Thank you for the reminder! Addendum to my list: Must use your/you're, and there/their/they're correctly. I suppose that requirement fits under "educated". Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 More or less in order of importance 1) Lying 2) Abusive behavior 2) Racist/sexist/homophobic 3) Motivation 4) Education/Valuing Knowledge (formal or informal [i need someone who can hold a conversation]) Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Thank you for the reminder! Addendum to my list: Must use your/you're, and there/their/they're correctly. I suppose that requirement fits under "educated". Are you a stickler for good vs well.....As in "How are you" ---- Link to comment
Angler Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Are you a stickler for good vs well.....As in "How are you" ---- I am well, thank you! I judge people by their grammar and spelling. Apart from special circumstances like learning disabilities, or developmental issues, I think poor writing habits are a reliable indicator of laziness. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 I am well, thank you! I judge people by their grammar and spelling. Apart from special circumstances like learning disabilities, or developmental issues, I think poor writing habits are a reliable indicator of laziness. You have certainly culled out the dating pool for yourself!!! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 I am well, thank you! I judge people by their grammar and spelling. Apart from special circumstances like learning disabilities, or developmental issues, I think poor writing habits are a reliable indicator of laziness. Maybe I'm incorrect here but does a comma really belong before the "or" after "disabilities"? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Nice hit Batya!!!! Angler is clearly....getting lazy!!! Link to comment
Angler Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 You have certainly culled out the dating pool for yourself!!! I have, and that's fine by me! Link to comment
Angler Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Maybe I'm incorrect here but does a comma really belong before the "or" after "disabilities"? It is perfectly acceptable. I am a proponent of the Oxford comma! link removed Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Dear lord....he can back up his grammar with endnotes!!!! Link to comment
Angler Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Technically a list should be three items in length to qualify for Oxford comma use, and I only had two items, but I justify it as a sentence pacing tool. Link to comment
kompakt Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 I am well, thank you! I judge people by their grammar and spelling. Apart from special circumstances like learning disabilities, or developmental issues, I think poor writing habits are a reliable indicator of laziness. You judge people by their grammar? Are you a English teacher by chance? That I could understand. But this forum isn't a university exam, and if you cull people to date based on for making a mistake in spelling your a little tight in the anal area Link to comment
Angler Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 You judge people by their grammar? Yes. Are you a English teacher by chance? No. That I could understand. But this forum isn't a university exam, and if you cull people to date based on for making a mistake in spelling your a little tight in the anal area Why? Is it not reasonable for non-English teachers to have standards? Link to comment
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