Where did you find the strength to get over the break-up?

[silversoul]

What helped you mentally and spiritually? What kind of outlook helped you to get over it?

I'm not very religious so any tips would be welcome?

[Kendahke]

Time brings it.

 

You have to trust the process and know that the pain, too will pass, but it takes time to heal.

 

Just like if you get cut open for surgery---you don't get up a couple of days later and carry on with normal activities and "walk it off". It takes time to heal... in fact no matter where it is applied, healing takes time.

[zentoCC]

Time really, you get stronger day by day as you start to learn that you can live without them because you are living without them. Also I found starting a new hobby or concentrating on one you've neglected really helps keep your mind off things.

[savignon]

-Anyone who I'm meant to be with also wants to be with me. If that person didn't want to be with me, he/she automatically isn't someone I'm meant to be with. Mutual love is what I'm looking for. One sided is painful.

-I was meant to meet him/her for a reason. I wrote down all the good and bad and picked out the lessons I felt I was meant to learn about life/love/relationships/myself and became grateful for those things. Not everyone is with us forever. In fact, most people aren't.

-By not being with someone who wasn't on the same page as me, I'm now free to find someone who will be. Its a new beginning rather than an ending.

-The book "He's Just Not that Into You"...it has a bad rap sometimes but says so many valuable things....if a guy isn't all that into you even after years together...what can you do? Its not personal...they're just not "your" person you're meant to be with

-gratitude journals

-vision boards -what I want for the future (made with my girlfriends while having take out and lots of wine)

-watching "The Secret" and reading about how we attract what we attract

-evaluating anything toxic or unhealthy about the relationship and what it says about me that I stayed so long in an unsatisfying situation

-time, space, not being in contact with that person; focusing on myself and taking a break for all things dating

[daddids]

- Deal with the fact that its over, no matter what you learn for him whatsoever, just ditch it.

- Accept that you were fine before you met him/her and you are going to be the same after him/her.

- Think of all the bad/toxic things this specific person/relationship brought to you.

- Focus on yourself and try to come into terms with what you are and what you want.

[surfjon]

You must understand that you had a life BEFORE this person, a life that was whole and full, on its own....not needing anybody to "complete" you......

 

Now that this person is gone, you must know that there is still a full and wonderful life out there WITHOUT this person....this person who made a conscious decision to leave you and then enacted it.....this person is gone, time to look forward to the next adventure.....

 

Reject the rejector!!

[ami7]

Time helps, also focusing on yourself, doint things that are good for you, having thoughts that are good for you: from working out, changing haircut, travell, create, meet new people, learn new stuffs, just open up yourself and fill the void you feel after the break-up with something nice.

Accepting as soon as possible that its over, never waste energy and time to go back, wanting him/her back.

Just accepting the fact that this relatiosnhip wasn t meant to be, learning from it and focusing on the future.

Your life is not over just because you ended a relationship, one relatiosnhip doesn t define who you are, how you feel, your happiness doesn t depent of an ex partner.

Things gets better the moment you decide to, the moment you decide to let it go and start plan for a better future, with a better someone and until it happens you just live your life, improving yourself, getting ready for that something, someone better.

[Liraele]

Buddhism.

 

I'm not Buddhist by any stretch of the imagination... but following the mindfulness principles helped me tremendously.

[JustLetGo]

I found the strength in the fact that I am still blessed to be alive, young and in good health, unlike many others. There will be days in the future where I will be very happy again, as there will be days that I will be sad.

 

I gave the breakup all my strength to try and fix it, but with time I started to realize contacting the ex was hopeless and I had done enough.

And believing since then, that you are worth a lot as a person and worth a lot to others. Therefore people who don't want you around are not worth any more effort.

 

Religion can be a very strong motivator in all scenario's in life, but I am not religious. I find the strength from within.

[jonyyy]

Buddhism.

 

I'm not Buddhist by any stretch of the imagination... but following the mindfulness principles helped me tremendously.

 

Can you give us a couple of tips on what worked for you in achieving mindfulness?

 

Also, how can we convince our subconscious that it's definetly over, there's no chance going back? I suspect that my sub conscious still holds to this idea, although consciously I'm aware that it's over, I want it to be over and never get back again.

[jphcbpa]

Faith that has not been tested cannot be trusted. I have to look back and see in my life where God has carried me before and know that will happen again.

[PetiteGirl]

I treat heartbreak like a sickness. The pain and all the negative feelings are just symptoms. It's just temporarily and it will pass.

 

I also tell myself this: “I saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and I could do anything I wanted.” ― Jack Kerouac

 

I don't have to worry about another person. He/she is not there to judge me. No one is here to tell me that I'm not good enough. I am free and I promise myself that I'm going to take good care of myself, my place and anything that's mine. I gave myself permission to be a little selfish.

[jphcbpa]

I read in my meditation this morning about the Void - the space between. The moment the door closes behind you and there is not another door opening just yet. The dark hallway. This is the moment where creation begins. Embrace it, lean into it. Watch the miracle unfold.

[Liraele]

Can you give us a couple of tips on what worked for you in achieving mindfulness?

 

Also, how can we convince our subconscious that it's definetly over, there's no chance going back? I suspect that my sub conscious still holds to this idea, although consciously I'm aware that it's over, I want it to be over and never get back again.

 

It's partially human nature to blame others for our suffering. We blame others for their actions, but also for how we feel about their actions. If you don't look too deeply, it makes perfect sense. You did x, so I feel/did y, therefore how I feel is your fault. The thing is... y is completely within my control, not yours. It is a matter of training your mind to not default to that automatic response - to choose to act rather than to react. You did x, but I'm going to choose y. It is not going to choose me.

 

Make sense? That's a part of mindfulness - the reminder and knowledge that you have control over yourself, but not others. You don't have to react. You can choose a different path. You don't want to control their actions, you don't have to like their actions, but they are their choices and belong under their ownership. Not yours. When you get there, you stop looking at things as being done to you, but rather just as something that Susie did. It removes the to you from the equation.

 

The other thing that really helped me was truly being mindful, which essentially means to be present in whatever you are doing. When you are washing dishes, for example, you focus on washing the dishes. You stay focused on the task at hand, watching the water play over the dish, the food being washed away, rinsing the soap, setting it in the strainer to dry. You do not think about your day, or the 9 million other things you have to do - you focus on what you are doing and that is it.

 

Again, seems simple. It's not. It takes a lot of practice to truly immerse yourself in whatever you are doing in the moment and only that.

 

But it helps. Tremendously.

 

I believe those both answer your second paragraph, as well.

[jphcbpa]

 

The other thing that really helped me was truly being mindful, which essentially means to be present in whatever you are doing. When you are washing dishes, for example, you focus on washing the dishes. You stay focused on the task at hand, watching the water play over the dish, the food being washed away, rinsing the soap, setting it in the strainer to dry. You do not think about your day, or the 9 million other things you have to do - you focus on what you are doing and that is it..

 

The "Power of Now" - Tolle

[jonyyy]

Thanks Liraele.

 

(...)

The other thing that really helped me was truly being mindful, which essentially means to be present in whatever you are doing. When you are washing dishes, for example, you focus on washing the dishes. You stay focused on the task at hand, watching the water play over the dish, the food being washed away, rinsing the soap, setting it in the strainer to dry. You do not think about your day, or the 9 million other things you have to do - you focus on what you are doing and that is it.

 

Again, seems simple. It's not. It takes a lot of practice to truly immerse yourself in whatever you are doing in the moment and only that.

 

But it helps. Tremendously.

 

I believe those both answer your second paragraph, as well.

 

My issue with this technique (had previoulsy tried it) is that I perform those type of activities with my brain in auto pilot mode, which leaves me free to continue mind wandering. It's very hard for me to focus on mundane tasks. But I guess perseverance and practice are the only solutions..?

[Liraele]

The "Power of Now" - Tolle

 

Yes, that's one place that you find it.

 

Mindfulness is at the center of Buddhist teachings. You will find it in many places.

 

In addition to the book mentioned above, here are a few of my favorites:

 

Buddhist Boot Camp - Timber Hawkeye

The Tao of Pooh - Benjamin Hoff

Way of the Peaceful Warrior - Dan Millman

The Untethered Soul - Michael A. Singer

 

Also, websites like link removed and link removed are good and full of information about taking care of yourself: mind, body and soul.

[Liraele]

Thanks Liraele.

 

My issue with this technique (had previoulsy tried it) is that I perform those type of activities with my brain in auto pilot mode, which leaves me free to continue mind wandering. It's very hard for me to focus on mundane tasks. But I guess perseverance and practice are the only solutions..?

 

That's kind of the point. We all perform the mundane on auto-pilot. It takes work, effort, practice to do anything different. Few worthwhile things are easy. This is just one of the many that fall into that category.

 

When you do these things and actually focus on them, you learn to find joy in the simple things. You let your mind rest. You give yourself peace.

 

It applies to both the routine and the non-routine. Be present in everything you do. Doing the dishes is just an example, but it's a good place to practice mindfulness because it is one of those hum-drum boring tasks that we have to do, but doesn't necessarily require concentration. You have to train your mind.

[mhowe]

I read in my meditation this morning about the Void - the space between. The moment the door closes behind you and there is not another door opening just yet. The dark hallway. This is the moment where creation begins. Embrace it, lean into it. Watch the miracle unfold.

 

The dark night of the soul. A place of true heartache....and rebirth.

[mhowe]

Yes, that's one place that you find it.

 

Mindfulness is at the center of Buddhist teachings. You will find it in many places.

 

In addition to the book mentioned above, here are a few of my favorites:

 

Buddhist Boot Camp - Timber Hawkeye

The Tao of Pooh - Benjamin Hoff

Way of the Peaceful Warrior - Dan Millman

The Untethered Soul - Michael A. Singer

 

Also, websites like link removed and link removed are good and full of information about taking care of yourself: mind, body and soul.

 

 

LOVE LOVE LOVE the Tao of Pooh!!!!

[jphcbpa]

The dark night of the soul. A place of true heartache....and rebirth.

 

exciting and beautiful.

[mhowe]

exciting and beautiful.

 

Don't know if I would say that!!! Having been there more than once, it is not a place I would vacation!!

[Rjones91]

I'm very spiritual and religious and with my last breakup...I just had a conversation with God and asked him to remove every bit of feeling and desire for my ex, from my heart. Not communicating with her helps as well. With each passing day I notice I don't think about her (or obsess over ways to get her back) as much as I used to. I also learned how to be my biggest cheerleader/motivator and encourager. I know my value and worth and I also know I have COMPLETE control over how long I choose to wallow in misery over someone who doesn't want me.

Check out "The Power of your subconscious mind". Also as someone else recommended "The Power of Now".