Dumped yet again

[oldandstupid]

Thank you Sharky...and I mean that.

I needed that and every word you say is bloody well true.

You've taken an interest in my sorry tale and taken the time to give advice on many ocassions.

I'm going to cut and paste this and save it to refer to whenever I get maudlin.

 

And yes Liquid Soul...she did deserve that and I regret apologising in some ways. Maybe I'll email her and give her a another bollocking again now.....

 

Only kidding. She is persona non grata now and won't hear from me again.

[Kimcwell]

Not to be mean, but it's obvious to anyone who reads this that she has no respect for you or for your "relationship." However, you can begin to respect yourself and do exactly as Sharky has advised: disappear from her life ASAP. Become someone that she used to know. She deserved those texts from you, so stop beating yourself up and stand your ground this time. You'll be glad you did, I promise. You can do this!!!

[oldandstupid]

I know it does look obvious when it's written out as I have done. It's really a case of me not being able to see the wood for the trees.

But like anything, it's never quite that black and white. We shared a lot of nice times. It was never like I was constantly being treated like a doormat. It's just that the way our 'relationship' worked was that all seemed well and she would end it suddenly. It's very confusing.

I accept thought that I should come to expect it. Once bitten twice shy

[Live-N-Learn]

I sent apology as much for my own benefit and healing.

 

TBH, you may actually believe this is the reason you sent the apology, but I believe it really was to stay connected with her. You may not see that right now, but it's pretty clear to me since I have been through what your are experiencing right now. Your last response is common for those in the bargaining phase of a breakup. In reality, you have every right to be upset for how she has treated you.

 

Hang in there.

[oldandstupid]

Possibly, though I do tend to be like that with people I like. If I fall out with them I'll usually apologize for anything I may have said that was off or rude. Yes I'd have liked a response. And I'm disappointed that she hasn't sent one to at least acknowledge it. But, I didn't bargain or beg in email. I simply said I accepted decision and wished her good luck in life.

She probably doesn't deserve that, and may think I'm weak for sending it, but I certainly didn't ask to try to work things out etc.

I did that last time, and strangely despite how I sound, I feel no need to do it this time. I've accepted how it is.

My only issue now is how I can crack on and get over it. I don't feel I've wasted time being in this relationship as that is life and none are perfect, but I do feel I've wasted a lot of time grieving over it when were were apart.

[Live-N-Learn]

Like my login name...Live-N-Learn. You will be a better man from this experience, and your next relationship will benefit from it. At least that is how it has worked out for me.

[oldandstupid]

The more I think about it, the more I wish hadn't sent that 'Apology' email. It really does make me sound weak. I should have left it at the text where I let her have it about being a fraud.

[sharky988]

Really, ANY contact you have makes you look weak.

 

No matter what you write in your message, the underlying TRUE message is a desperate plea to maintain the connection.... to have contact..... and that's always seen as weak. There's no *good* contact with someone who's broken up with you.

 

So, from now on, no more contact.

 

And as people begged you to do before your last reconciliation, I will continue to do this time around and urge you to BLOCK HER from your phone and email and any social networking sites you use to communicate.

[oldandstupid]

Yet again Sharky, you've hit the nail on the head.

I'll do my best to follow your very good advice.

[oldandstupid]

I just thought I’d give an update on this. She emailed a response to my ‘apology’ for calling her a liar. In fact she sent a couple of responses. She basically gave me the reason she doesn’t ‘feel’ the relationship anymore. I won’t write it here as it now all seems not to matter. She even signed off with a loving nickname and a kiss, which is confusing. I simply replied saying ‘it’s ok. No worries’. That was a week ago and I haven’t had any contact since. I am gutted, even though I probably expected in the end. I even feel like I somehow should have replied by giving her a bit of stick for her treatment of me….but I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it. Call it pride, but I just don’t want her to see it bothers me.

I’ll miss her….but this has to be the last time.

I can’t keep going through this breaking up and making up as it’s unhealthy

[Tanzi]

She even signed off with a loving nickname and a kiss, which is confusing.

 

It isn't confusing. You just see it as confusing because you are reading into it. She could have signed it off in that way for many reasons. She was trying to be nice; she was trying to ease tension; she just felt it was the right thing to do; she was feeling melancholy. Whatever it was that made her do it, it wasnt meant to imply anything. The content of the letter is what you need to focus on.

[jemoeder]

i had the experience, the on and off.. and i can tell you its not worth the trouble, heart break and effort. i firmly believe its either good or not good. i found out the hard way.

 

in a month or 2 most bad feelings will be gone and you can really look at the whole thing with a clear head. good luck to you

[oldandstupid]

She said she'd gone off sex and that was all.

I replied to say it was ok, I understood.

Maybe She wants to see if I would be prepared to stay with her under these circumstances?

Maybe I should have said I still wanted to be with her to try to work it out?

What should I do ?

Bearing in mind she has ended it with me before Im reluctant to make a fool of myself.

[silversoul]

Don't, dude, aren't you tired of the pain?

[sharky988]

Wow, STILL not sticking to No Contact?

 

STILL not blocking her? STILL second guessing yourself?

 

This is the same old, same old.... I expect you'll be going back for Round 4 before too long.

[oldandstupid]

Sharky is it not possible that she thinks I wouldn't want to be with her if she was off sex? People can lose their mojo.

I know I'm second guessing, but she may have wanted me to reassure her that I'd still stay with her?

 

Then again I did reply and say 'it was ok and I understood.'

Not exactly slamming the door in her face I suppose.

[Chelsea1987]

You really need to go no contact now you will just go round in circles with this girl.

 

Move on and be happy. Do NOT contact her again and ignore her if she makes contact with you.

[oldandstupid]

I doubt myself a lot....whether I'm handling things in the right way.

That's why I come here for advice. It at least allows me to spare my friends all of my drama.

I am a bit emotional about the whole thing at the moment and therefore I'm playing it all out in my mind all the time.

[sharky988]

Sharky is it not possible that she thinks I wouldn't want to be with her if she was off sex? People can lose their mojo.

I know I'm second guessing, but she may have wanted me to reassure her that I'd still stay with her?

 

Then again I did reply and say 'it was ok and I understood.'

Not exactly slamming the door in her face I suppose.

 

Like I said.... same old, same old.

 

As long as you leave that door open and refuse to block her, this woman is going to continue to contact you.

 

And as long as you continue to second guess and use your doubts as an excuse to reach out to her.... you're not going to move on and get past this awful self-destructive cycle you're in with this woman.

[sharky988]

I doubt myself a lot....whether I'm handling things in the right way.

That's why I come here for advice. It at least allows me to spare my friends all of my drama.

I am a bit emotional about the whole thing at the moment and therefore I'm playing it all out in my mind all the time.

 

You come here for advice... but then YOU IGNORE ALL OF IT.

 

This is what you did last time.... you let yourself get to this sad, powerless place where you're just weak and emotional and obsessing and ruminating. You really need to stop doing this to yourself.

 

Listen: she doesn't want to have sex because she's not attracted to YOU. Not all men -- you. This is why she continues to dump you again and again -- then comes back when she doesn't find anyone else and realizes that it's better to *settle* for you than to be alone. The attraction is gone.

 

I'm sure it has nothing to do with your physical attractiveness -- it's just IMPOSSIBLE for most women to feel attracted to someone they have no respect for. And WHY should she have respect for you? You've let yourself be used by her like a doormat..... over and over.... while she does what she wants and blatantly uses you as her Plan B, dropping you and picking you back up anytime she chooses.

 

I'm not saying this to be mean, but for you to understand: she's probably lost attraction because you allowed her to treat you like a doormat.

 

A woman wants a man with a backbone, someone who respects himself TOO MUCH to let her walk all over him. And you, my friend, haven't done that. And now it's come back to bite you. You've taken the easy way and -- rather than MAN UP and walk away and do the work to get over her -- you've kept in contact, constantly apologizing and moaning and weeping and begging and pining..... letting her USE YOU as a backup plan all along.... instead of pulling it together and cutting her off and moving on like someone with confidence and self-respect.

 

Until you can man up and say "NO MORE" -- and cut her off, for real -- you're probably going to continue just as you always have.... and I really think you deserve better than to spend months pining over someone who clearly isn't in love with you.

 

Just my opinion.

[oldandstupid]

I respect your opinions , but that was a bit harsh.

I may come here and 'moan' and 'whine', as you put it, but I've never done that to her.

It's why I come here and do it, like everyone else, to let it out.

Let's face it this whole forum is one big pity party and I'm no different to anyone else on it.

And coming here was part of the 'work' I was doing to get over her.

I never have chased her or begged her to take me back, and I haven't this time either.

She's to one who has contacted me, and yes I've been weak enough to take her back but I've been strong enough to not initiate contact on all these occasions and that wasn't easy.

[sharky988]

As I said, this is just my opinion, but that's how I've read your posts this past year.

 

I don't think you're being honest with yourself about the times you DO reach out to her.

 

And I also think that you're refusing to do the one thing that would stop this back and forth for good, which is to simply block her easy access to you.

[oldandstupid]

Blimey I've been a embarrassingly honest in everything on this forum.

Do you think it's easy posting that my ex no longer wants sex with me?

Each time we've got back together it's been initiated by her.

I haven't chased even though I've wanted to. And one thing that helped was coming here for advice...and following it.

The only advice I never followed was going back with her.

As for blocking her, I have a business website so my contact details are on it. I can't just change my number as its used by clients.

[mhowe]

You are making excuse after excuse.

Known here as the "yes...but" syndrome.

 

You have posted thread after thread, post after post ---and ignored all the advice from some of the best on here. And then think you should get bravery points for posting your "truths" on an anonymous forum.

 

I think you want to keep the attention on you. Hers and ours.

And I choose not to enable this tragedy any longer.

[sharky988]

I'm sorry to be so disagreeable, but I haven't seen you follow *any* of the advice you've been given here. Not once. All along, people have been urging you NOT to send that email, NOT to reply to her emails, NOT to meet up with her -- and you've gone ahead and done it anyway.

 

Listen, it's YOUR life. You can do as wish. I'm just pointing out to you that you might not be seeing your part in this clearly if you honestly believe you've followed the advice given to you here.

 

As for her turning off to sex -- I've already told you my theory on that. I think you've been CANDID in posting about it, but I'm not seeing a lot of honesty in that you don't seem to really hear that your behavior could have had something to do with her losing attraction for you.

 

Anyhow, I wish you the best with this. I honestly have NO HORSE in this race. But there are always ways of blocking email addresses and phone numbers. You COULD block her access to you, if you really wanted to. You can post your contact information publicly, while still privately blocking certain numbers and email addresses.