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Dumped yet again


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So if you read my earlier posting about being dumped by silence, I got my answer.

She texted me a couple of days ago to say it was over. She wasn't feeling it anymore.

I've been on and off with this woman now for four years and this is the third time she's dumped me.

I don't expect sympathy as it's my own fault for taking her back. Many of you advised me against this and you were right.

However, it doesn't change the fact that I'm gutted and quite heartbroken.....again.

I responded to her text harshly and told her a few home truths about how she has treated me. Called her a liar and such for telling me she loved me.

I felt bad about what I said and emailed today her an apology and told her I accepted her decision.

I'm too soft I know, but I did it as much for me as for her. I don't want to spend months regretting saying bad things, even though she has hurt me.

Anyway, that's it now. I won't contact her.

I'm worried now. Worried about my own piece of mind. I spent 6 months after last break up in what felt like a wilderness. I was so low and obsessed about the whole thing. I tried everything to try to ease the pain. I really don't want to go through that again.

I've been a fool over this woman and she has hurt me yet again.

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I really am sorry for your pain.... even though everyone here told you this is what would happen, that doesn't make it hurt any less.

 

Last time you tried EVERYTHING to get over her... except for sticking to No Contact.

 

I hope this time you don't make the same mistake!

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Don't beat yourself up. We've all been there at least once. Just know you gave it your all...and you did all you could. That's all you can control. There's no guarantees that someone is going to love or want us the way we do them. Be grateful for the things you got out of it...but try not to be bitter. Work out....that always helps. And please change your username from Old and Stupid to something more positive. You're not old and stupid....

 

Hang in there...

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Can I ask how and why were the other two times she dumped you? Was it also because she was not 'feeling it'? And how did you get back together?

 

Seems to me she is either very young or very immature. Grownups make decisions and at least try to stick with them, .. Work through problems instead of running away. Either way she hurt you for the third time, think it's time to No Contact now..

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No-one can blame you for what you did. We have to do what we have to do. Sometimes we just need to know that we have tried everything. At least you won't be weighed down by "What ifs" and "If onlys". Now you REALLY know. Now you can REALLY start moving forwards.

 

Somehow i don't think it will take you as long as you think in recovering old ground. Maybe this will elevate you even further in your journey forwards. Whatever, we are all rooting for you!

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Thanks Sharky. I was hoping you would read and reply as you gave me a lot of help last time.

I never initiated contact with her, but I did respond when she contacted me if that's what you mean?

I feel very raw and brusied.

 

Yes, that's exactly what I mean.

 

I also fully expect that you'll hear from her again in a few months, so prepare to be tested on this front -- and before you say "Oh no, that'll never happen, she's done with me for good this time" I'll remind you that's *exactly* what you said last time.

 

The problem with this girl is, she always thinks she can do better, so she wants to be single and available for someone else, but she doesn't want to give up the safety net while she's looking.... I'd be really surprised if she was finally giving that security up for good.

 

Please don't beat yourself up. We're all human, everyone makes mistakes. It's very hard to resist when someone we still love dangles the hope of a reconciliation... it's hard to be objective in that situation, for anyone.

 

Hopefully though, you're done with sticking your hand in the blender.... you're ready to be there for YOURSELF now.... so you can really heal from this and eventually move on to someone much much better for you.

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I'm gutted about break up but more worried about spending the next 6 months going through what I went through last time before I got back with her, which was about 6 months as well.

I felt like I could never stop thinking about it all and it really wore me down.

I expect to grieve for a while, but last time seemed excessive.

Maybe it will be shorter this time as its true , I really do feel I tried everything this time.

There were no rows. We had a nice Christmas. Just out of the blue like that.

It should be no surprise as her previous track record shows what she's capable of. Still came as a surprise though.

She was so hard to read, Seemed keen as mustard and then just ends it.

I just want to start the road to my recovery and move on

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Hey there.... I think like many on here. It's just a process you'll go thru.

Things are still very painful.. but as time goes on, you'll feel it ease off, slowly dying.

 

Because we came to love our ex's, it's very hard to accept then let go...so it takes time to 'wean' off of them.

It won't happen in a week..or a month.

 

And I think, because of this last downfall, you've been deeply scorned again, so you've fallen back a few steps... I understand much of how you're feeling right now.. been there.

 

I often try and turn it all around.. while working on my healing, by trying to convince myself that it is HIS loss... it is HIS bed he made so HE can lie in it.. etc.

I will not blame all of this on ME. He did a lot wrong.. he faultered.. he chose to leave. And I have no control over it.

 

 

One day at a time, for now... dont push yourself down over this though. We all make these mistakes.

 

tc

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I said a couple of nasty things to her when she texted me to end it. Called her a liar and a bulls**er for telling me she loved me which she had done last time we were together. I've sent an email apologising for that, but I feel a bit of a heel for reacting in that way. I was hurt though. I suppose she now thinks she was right to end it going by reaction.

I'm also now wondering if I jumped the gun? She hadn't said it was over, only that she didn't feel the relationship anymore. Maybe I could have talked her round?

Then again..why should I have to

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How would you have react otherwise? "Hey, thanks for breaking up with me AGAIN. You are such a great person. I totally don't blame you for anything." Yeah that 'd be good. But you had every right to lose yourself in a minor rant.

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Sorry you have been hurt again.

 

If she contacts you again, as hard as it is, ignore her. Because deep down you know she doesn't want you and you should protect and respect yourself enough to know that dont want someone who doesnt want you.

 

Sounds very familiar.. Three times and for what reason if I may ask? I had a uBPDgf like this that just recently left me. got engaged two weeks after leaving me. Poor soul has no clue what he is in for..

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Someone who has broken up with you three times and lied to you as well is not worth your time. Obviously, she doesn't know what she wants, and you want someone who does know what they want. Please, stick to NC even if she does try to initate a conversation with you again. There is a reason why she keeps breaking up with you and it sure isn't going to go away after the third time. You deserve better than this. Even being single is more worthy than this. A flip-floppy relationship is just pointless and only leads to constant heartbreak.

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Thanks very much for all your kind words. It means a lot because I don't really want to talk about this to friends or family as I'm too embarrassed. They all probably thought I was a fool for going back with her and knew it would end this way. I have to accept I took a chance and let my heart completely rule my head.

I really do hope I'm strong enough to resist again. I admit I have a weakness for her. But I've gone through this for a total of fours years now....on and off, and it's sapped all my srength. I'm not a weak man, and on the outside most people who know me would think of me as being strong. But at the moment ,inside I feel like a little boy and a bit broken.

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Thanks very much for all your kind words. It means a lot because I don't really want to talk about this to friends or family as I'm too embarrassed. They all probably thought I was a fool for going back with her and knew it would end this way. I have to accept I took a chance and let my heart completely rule my head.

I really do hope I'm strong enough to resist again. I admit I have a weakness for her. But I've gone through this for a total of fours years now....on and off, and it's sapped all my strength. I'm not a weak man, and on the outside most people who know me would think of me as being strong. But at the moment ,inside I feel like a little boy and a bit broken.

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I feel like I handled break up badly. She texted me to say she wasn't feeling the relationship anymore and I texted back that I felt she was a fraud and lied to me about her feelings and told her she'd never hear from me again. She responded to that with some lame quip. I didn't text again and immediately deleted her number to stop myself doing so.

Maybe I was hasty? Maybe she wanted me to try to talk her out of it? But she's ended it or made me feel like it was over so often that I just felt it was her way of breaking up. She had been ignoring my calls and had cancelled a few meets. What other conclusion was I to draw?

I then emailed her an apology for calling her that yesterday morning and basically also said I accept her decision and wished her well.

She hasn't responded to that.

I went from having a go at her for ending it to apologising to her for taking it badly because she dumped me by text.

And now I feel bad about it.

I sent apology as much for my own benefit and healing. I didn't want to start chewing myself up for saying things I'd regret later, even though they may have been true. I don't know if I expected a reply, but I thought I may get a 'That's ok, good luck to you as well' or that kind of thing. Something decent. She knows I won't stalk or harass her. God, she's dumped me enough times to see I've never done that before. This woman was professing her love for me just as recently as Christmas, though I relaize they were eobviously just words.

I'm just venting really now. Getting it off my chest here rather then to her.

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It is normal to feel guilty about ranting at her. And totally understand that you were hurt and said some mean things. It shouldn't bother you though, she chose to breakup by tekst, she deserved a little kick in the butt. Now you can let it go.

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I think that's what I need really....a kick up the butt

 

You want a kick in the butt? Well, you asked for it....

 

I feel like I handled break up badly. She texted me to say she wasn't feeling the relationship anymore and I texted back that I felt she was a fraud and lied to me about her feelings and told her she'd never hear from me again. She responded to that with some lame quip. I didn't text again and immediately deleted her number to stop myself doing so.

Maybe I was hasty? Maybe she wanted me to try to talk her out of it? But she's ended it or made me feel like it was over so often that I just felt it was her way of breaking up. She had been ignoring my calls and had cancelled a few meets. What other conclusion was I to draw?

I then emailed her an apology for calling her that yesterday morning and basically also said I accept her decision and wished her well.

She hasn't responded to that.

I went from having a go at her for ending it to apologising to her for taking it badly because she dumped me by text.

And now I feel bad about it.

I sent apology as much for my own benefit and healing. I didn't want to start chewing myself up for saying things I'd regret later, even though they may have been true. I don't know if I expected a reply, but I thought I may get a 'That's ok, good luck to you as well' or that kind of thing. Something decent. She knows I won't stalk or harass her. God, she's dumped me enough times to see I've never done that before. This woman was professing her love for me just as recently as Christmas, though I relaize they were eobviously just words.

I'm just venting really now. Getting it off my chest here rather then to her.

 

^ This sounds like your same old pattern to me.... you second-guess your actions and start to doubt yourself.... then use that to gradually rationalize making contact.... or replying to her contact.... or meeting up. It's time to STOP! What happened, happened. Let it go.

 

I think you need to *bump up* your level of insight if you hope to really recover this time and not get pulled back into the same vicious cycle.

 

This woman who was "professing her love this past Christmas" had already dumped you TWICE before that happened.... and it was already pretty clear at that point that she considered being with you to be "settling".... so don't jump back on the Denial Train by trying to pretend you had no idea at Christmastime that she wasn't genuinely in love with you -- because the red flags were there all along, you just chose to IGNORE them.

 

I recommend reading through your old threads. You'll see you've been playing the same cards you're pulling out now: "my heart leads and my head follows".... "I'm weak when it comes to her".... "I know I'm foolish but I'm taking a chance for love"...... really? You're still singing this same old song? What are you, a 13 year-old girl?

 

It's time to do something different and MAN UP. How about kicking her OFF that pedestal? How about getting ANGRY at her for the way she's treated you -- and just be angry for a while? So what if it's not "nice" to be angry at her? She deserves it. And it's sure better than rolling over and playing *weak little boy*... because THAT'S the role you played last time for SIX WHOLE MONTHS while you cried and moped and mourned the loss of the woman you once described here as "a Princess".... and waited and hoped the whole time that she'd change her mind and contact you again someday.

 

How about this time you cut off her means of contacting you? That means blocking her on your phones and email, or getting new numbers and email accounts if you can't block her. Because -- to me, anyway -- right now it seems unlikely you're going to be strong enough to ignore the breadcrumbs that will inevitably be heading your way.

 

That's something positive you can do RIGHT NOW to protect yourself and declare: this time is different. This time I'm not going to waste another six months of my life suffering and waiting around and hoping for this woman to change her mind and contact me.

 

You can STOP making yourself a convenience for her, whenever she's lonely or bored.

 

YOU can be pro-active and end this now, for yourself. So you can be free to move on. And REALLY heal this time, for good.

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