Should S.O.'s who don't live together have a say in bedroom layout?

[nutbrownhare]

I agree with the other posters on here. He has the right to state his boundaries, which he has done very clearly. Many of us have our own spaces in some form or other, which we arrange to our own liking, and it's very intrusive when someone else comes in and tells us it's wrong. You may not like the layout of the room, but, frankly, that's your problem. He must like it the way it is or he'd have arranged it differently.

 

How would you feel if he wanted to arrange something private of yours in a way which made sense to him, but didn't to you? And then told you that you were stubborn for not going along with it?

 

This is something that I think you really need to let go of. You also need to have more respect for his boundaries; he is a person in his own right, and not an extension of you. At its worst, this kind of domineering becomes emotional abuse and for both your sakes you need to stop it.

 

Now.

[Moontiger]

I notice that all your really seem worried about is your feelings, your comfort, how you want things done, how you know so much better than your BF how to arrange HIS room, how you should be the on in control.

 

Have you ever stop to think how your BF feels? How insulting it is to have someone come into your space and tell you what to do with it and then get upset whey you don't take their suggestions? I have only every commented on the state of someone else space one. With my ex, I went to visit him one day and his bathroom was in a horrible state. When I finished using it I came out and said, "Sweetie, I love you. Your bathroom is horrible." The next day it was spotless, which did make me happy. But if he hadn't clean it I would not have taken that as an insult.

 

Imagine someone coming into your space and question why you have it set up the way you do and making multiple "suggestion" about how much BETTER your room would be if you would just listen to them. That would get under my skin a lot/

[shelty24]

I still think a lot of you are over reacting. They could compromise a little so they are both happy. Isn't that what relationships are supposed to be about. She is not asking for much. She wants to de-clutter a small bit so they can walk through the door without having to go through an obstacle course.

 

I think hes hiding something to be honest. He didn't want you looking through his stuff. Maybe he has sex toys or porn magazines or something in a box which is why he said NO DONT TOUCH MY THINGS!!!!!

[Moontiger]

I still think a lot of you are over reacting. They could compromise a little so they are both happy. Isn't that what relationships are supposed to be about. She is not asking for much. She wants to de-clutter a small bit so they can walk through the door without having to go through an obstacle course.

 

I think hes hiding something to be honest. He didn't want you looking through his stuff. Maybe he has sex toys or porn magazines or something in a box which is why he said NO DONT TOUCH MY THINGS!!!!!

 

My space is my space. If someone I was not living with suddenly was critical and started trying to take control of how my private space was set up I would be very offended and find it rather controlling on their part. It over steps a line. Why does he have to be the one to compromise in HIS room in HIS parents house were she hardly ever is? If they were sharing a space then yes, they should compromise. But they are not.

 

Honestly, how would you feel if someone came into your space and started demanding that you move things around because that's what they wanted? He has his room the way he likes it. She can either accept that or just not go over there.

 

EDIT: And if I am not mistaken he has already compromised with the OP: "He resisted this idea to a certain degree, but did end up giving in and moving the bed to a different place."

 

Now she is getting more demanding.

[Lonewing]

I still think a lot of you are over reacting. They could compromise a little so they are both happy. Isn't that what relationships are supposed to be about. She is not asking for much. She wants to de-clutter a small bit so they can walk through the door without having to go through an obstacle course.

 

I think hes hiding something to be honest. He didn't want you looking through his stuff. Maybe he has sex toys or porn magazines or something in a box which is why he said NO DONT TOUCH MY THINGS!!!!!

 

A woman who does not respect a man's space ends up single. And a man who does not respect a woman's space ends up single.

 

A man or woman who decides that since all of the space is "shared, that they have a say in all of the space...also end up single.

 

Call it an overreaction, but honestly, it's about learning to cope.

 

There WILL be a room in their future house together where he will arrange it as he wishes to do so, and all she will be able to do is close the door. If she decides she can't live this way, she has to stay single or find someone else, but someone else will not fix her issues.

[Seraphim]

Not everybody is " hiding" something. He has a right to his space in HIS PARENT'S house.

[bulletproof]

I don't know why everyone is going on about personal space and privacy.

 

Because that is something that is really important to many people, regardless of whether they're in a relationship.

[Fudgie]

Everyone needs some degree of privacy and personal space in a relationship. I'm the same way with people going through my room in my parent's house. It's Where I grew up. I would be deeply offended if my boyfriend came in and told me how to arrange my room to his liking.

 

Really, let the guy be, OP. You don't live together. It isn't your place to be making requests like that. you don't live there.

[shelty24]

LOL "deeply upset" for being asked nicely to move a clothes rack.. easy upset some people. I'd say "ya put it in the corner" and just get over it.. Its really not that big a deal. Again LOL

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course...Closed.