Jump to content

Need advice on how to approach this girl


Mieeeel

Recommended Posts

So after a while of sorting my mind over some heavy family issues (brother got in a heavy accident, we almost lost him after 2 months of coma) I've gotten my eyes on a girl at my school that's one grade above me (We're both 17 currently). She's been through a lot too recently losing her father to terminal cancer 2 years ago, as my grandmother - whom I was close with - chose to end her own life when my grandfather was suffering from cancer himself, 5 years ago, so I understand how she feels at times.

 

We've been following each other on twitter for a little while now, dropping some comments around when appropriate but mostly just about how we do both like that one song she had just linked, for example. I mean, that's fine and all, but I feel like we have a lot in common - going from what she tweets and how she's like around people at school. She's into the same kind of music, films and has the same view on difficult topics such as the aforementioned etc.

 

I think we'd be able to hit it off together but I don't know how I should approach her outside of twitter. She doesn't go out that much since she as well prefers the company of a sole friend or simply solitude at night, so I won't likely meet her at a bar too soon. Don't get me wrong, she's sociable and has a bunch of friends, but it feels delicate to approach her as a semi-stranger. Is there any way I can properly approach her/ask her out or something to try and establish a connection with her? I'd love to open up to her and I'm sure she'd like to talk to someone that has been through something similar (apparently she doesn't get always get the amount of support from her mother she needs and she's tweeted about how she seriously doubts most of her friends “understand how she feels” when they haven’t been in that situation). I fear I'll never find a way to talk to her without scaring her off. Should I be direct? Should I be subtle? Should I just keep the twitter chat going back and forth and wait to ask her out sometime?

 

TL;DR Got a small crush on a girl I have a lot in common with. We've both been through a lot but we've only "talked" over twitter. One of her older tweets says how she doesn't believe her friends know what she's been through. I know I do. I want to find a way to approach her without scaring her off so that we can potentially open up to each other and perhaps grow a bond - be that a friendship or relationship.

 

Any advice is welcome. Thanks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Very sorry for both of your losses- that's never easy.

 

Since you've been 'talking' for a while now, she does know you that way, 'a bit'.

I dont see any reason why you just can't suggest something to her, the 'idea' of going out to something together? Like to meet for a coffee?

 

I can't see that scaring her at all, since you're already familair with each other.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tomorrow is the day it's been 2 years since her father passed away. She's not really responding on twitter like she usually does (I'm not pushing her though) so obviously she's having a rough time (understandably).

I think it would only be appropriate to wait approaching her for a little while, as I don't think it's a good idea confronting her while she's feeling down.

 

At the same time though, I want to be there for her and maybe have her talk to me about it, but we're not anywhere that close yet and I definitely don't want to be pushy for it.

She posted something on twitter among the lines of "Why can't people shut up to me about partying and festivities during some of the worst days of my life?". I don't know where it came from, but perhaps some of her friends have been too pushy to try and cheer her up. I don't want to make that mistake. I wouldn't even try to cheer her up, it has no use for such mourning. I've always been a good listener and a good in friend in rough times (so have I been told) and I wish I could do something to let her know she doesn't have to be alone in this if she doesn't want to, or at least that she knows there's people that wish to share and care, who know how scars remain.

 

Obviously I have no idea how to bring this to her in a non-creepy or non-stalky way, as we aren't really more than distant acquaintainces currently.

I'm thinking about leaving her be for now and giving her some sort of hand written card for Valentine's Day (as any typical girl she's mentioned how she never got anything from a guy etc). I'd type out the lyrics of one of her favorite songs - with an appropriate meaning - by printing it in a nice font and copying it from there. I would end it with something like "You're never alone" or "You should never have to be alone". Is this a good idea or will she potentially look down on me, thinking I'm a strange stalker-type of guy? I mean, I can see how this can backfire..

 

Is this in any case a good way of going about these things? Or should I just wait a week and then ask her if she'd like to hang out sometime and then give her the card for Valentine if we get along? Should I just wait to eventually catch her at the local bar and then talk to her? I'm guessing that'd be more natural but it's a tricky situation.

 

Thanks in advance

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you see her in the hall - do NOT wait to say "hello." People avoided me after a death and after my divorce to give me "space" and because I 'probably wanted alone time." I did NOT want people to tell me to get over it - but i just wanted people to not disappear. If you just say hello to her when you physically see her - that would be very nice to do. Or that's a really cool hat that she is wearing.

 

I think also when people share deeply online, you have to "start over" in person. You can't start with feeling you have a deep connection.

 

So please, just say "hi" at least. If she brings up the anniversary - tell her that you are very sorry and you can relate to her. Anniversaries are tough for you, too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks abitbroken.

 

I stood outside the school with my friends longer than usual, kinda waiting for her to leave as well. After half an hour she finally left the building and she was on foot (perfect for me i guess). I went to her and I couldn't help but talk to her about both of our losses. I told her how I knew the way she felt and that anniversaries are indeed hard for me too, and I told her about what happened in my past and, since I had to take the next turn, ended the conversation with if she ever felt like she wanted to meet up to/or talk about anything, she's always welcome at my doorstep.

 

I suppose this is the first step and feels like a good self-improvement from my own side - I've always been pretty shy to go up to girls I liked like I just did - but obviously afterwards it felt like I should've accompagnied her a bit longer, since there's actually so much more I want to tell her. I want to tell her how I've never had the chance to talk about it all to anyone besides my parents. I want to tell her how it all changed my life in a major way, and I want her to understand what I mean.

 

As she got home (like half an hour ago I suppose) she tweeted "We've gotten too far to give up who we are." Not directed at me via @, but I guess perhaps I've inspired her in a way. At least I hope I did.

 

I don't know if perhaps I should've asked her if she wanted to meet up tomorrow, but perhaps that would've been too direct - as I had just told her about the crappiest moments of my life, perhaps it wouldn't have been.

Should I wait for her to make the next step now or is it OK if I go up to her next Thursday or so and ask her out?

 

Due to lack of experience I don't really know when "too soon" or "it's not your turn now" is the case...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...