Hi, I'm new here

[Crossmyheart]

Hello

 

Ive been married for 10 years and 8 years we have lived together. We both were married previously and have adult children not living at home.

 

I don't have intimacy with my husband. He has difficulty maintaining an erection and I found sex to be boring, even when I try hard to enjoy it. I'm going through menopause. Lately, I don't even want to think about sex. My husband has been controlling and at times verbally abusive. It hurts a lot.

 

He doesn't help around the house, does not help to wash dishes or help to do any housework when I'm sick. We have a young son. He barely does much with our son. I feel tired and drained. There is so much going on, it's really hard to write everything down.

 

A lot has happened in our lives and the stresses of life had basically stretched our relationship.

 

He used to be a kind, loving man. Someone ever so caring.

 

Today, I'm over this marriage. I'm not sure whether I can leave this marriage as I had left my first marriage.

 

Thank you for reading

[Ms Darcy]

Would you consider requesting some counseling?

[Crossmyheart]

Would you consider requesting some counseling?

 

We did counselling. He didn't believe in it. He knows he has to change but he thinks he's ok.

[Capricorn3]

Sometimes you have to do what is right for YOU, and if you feel leaving would be better then do so. A marriage will only work if both partners work at it and if he clearly isn't willing to come to the table then cut your losses. I would much rather live alone than live in an unhappy miserable marriage. I wish you well.

[Ms Darcy]

Well if he's not willing to work on known problems, you can't do it alone. It may be best for you to leave.

[bulletproof]

If he won't even consider counseling, then what choice do you have? You have a young son. Do you want him to see your husband verbally abusing and controlling you so that he can grow up treating women the same way?

[AutumnBorn]

Hormone replacement therapy - for both of you. He's probably got low T.

[Lester]

In time, all marriages get into ruts.

The first time you allowed him to verbally abuse you was the day you began to dig one of your ruts.

 

Divorce is the quickly advised, popular cure-all that rarely delivers the promised land of happiness. The reason being; your fears were never confronted and only carried into the next relationship.

 

The alone fantasy only works with loners… which you are not.

 

What to do:

- Stop being afraid and intelligently demand the marriage you deserve.

- Stop collecting, storing and pacifying his offences. He doesn’t and can’t remember… why should you.

- Start anew.

 

Example:

- Next time he talks to you in a hurtful way explain the following.

You - Honey, I don’t like how you talked to me this morning and I don’t want you to do it again.

Him – I’ll do what I want.

You – Okay, but I want you to move out today. (This is how you save your marriage Cross.)

Him – Huh?

You – You heard me.

Him – (Cross it can go one of two ways here.) The bad way… call the police. The good way… now you got his attention and may be able to save the marriage.

 

 

PS, You can’t change him but you can stop being an active contributor to your failing marriage.

PS2, Keep coming back us!

PS3, Counselors are just another easy cure-all. Most couples go to them but the marriage failures remain high.