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boyfriend's brother roommate


emberness

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My boyfriend let his brother move in to our house. It was supposed to be temporary. He moved in 4 months ago. He was working but was fired because he was partying late and came to work high.

 

He so far has brought the cops to our house twice. He cannot find work because its a small town. He wasn't trying for the first month to find a job and now is just starting.

 

He has no money and is not contributing to the house bills. He is eating our food. He will sponge drinkings and drugs out of his friends and sleep all day.

 

My boyfriend won't kick him out, despite him being a deadbeat. Our agreement was if he paid rent he could stay temporarily and he isn't. My boyfriend says his brother is depressed and has nowhere to go. His brother has more friends than I do, he has places to go.

 

How can I approach this situation with my boyfriend without it continually being an argument? I feel like I should just leave because I feel he would rather hang out with him than me anyway.

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Leaving sounds like a good idea. It sounds like you've brought up what the agreement was w/ the brother already and he hasn't stepped up to do anything about it. He's not living up to his end of the deal. He may be depressed, may have drug/alcohol issues so your bf is enabling him to stay sick. So I guess your choice is leave (doesn't mean you have to break up, unless you want to, just move out), somehow kick them both out, or live w/ both of them and get more and more resentful of the situation.

 

I don't think a different approach will change your bf's mind, he already knows his brother isn't living up to the agreement and he's not willing to take any action so it will always be a fight any time you bring it up.

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I think you should tell your boyfriend that you understand the brother is family, but you will not allow drugs, excessive drinking and police action in your home. It has gone on long enough. If your boyfriend won't lay down the law and put conditions on brother's stay, then that is totally fine, but that means you will find another place to stay until he does. Stay with parents, stay at a new place of your own for awhile. The situation is not livable. You have to set a boundary. And say it as calmly as possible. You are not breaking up, but you cannot live in a situation where you do not have equal say in your own home and on top of that to be put in danger (whatever happened to bring the cops around).

 

I would stick to it. very calmly.

 

Also, if this is equally your place, you can tell the brother he needs to leave, no?

 

I also think if brother was drug free but was cooking, cleaning, running errands to take the load off, that would be another case but he is not

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