Have u been emotionally unavailable?

[Ladytmt]

Has anyone been or is emotionally unavailable? I really feel like i am. Lately i feel like i have pushed people out of my life to keep them from hurting me or dissapointing me. My ex cheated, left me, got married afrer knowing someone a few months, and he got me fired from my job. I don't ever want someone to hurt me like this again!!! This has also caused me depression and anger. I try to move on as best i can but i just have a hard time trusting people. I think that everyone interested in me now has an agenda to hurt me. My therapist has told me that all men are not like my ex and some can be trusted.

How did u get over being emotionally unavailable? I feel my case is more extreme because not only did i have to overcome a cheating person but i had to get past losing my job. I couldve lost my house but this man didn't care he just acted without thinking. Everything he did came down on me all at once and at that time i wanted to kill myself but couldn't because people say it gets better but maybe for some.

Any advice?

[Qac]

I cant really comment on your story but yeah emotionally i am here with you. My girl left me just for some odd/annoying reason. Just like you, i loved my ex too. I was very attached to her, my life was revolving around her.

 

She is getting married to someone soon. And this feeling has broken me. Im emotionally gone. I dont know what it is to be like happy or sad. I'm totally gone.

 

We all are here.. we can guide each other.. its only US who can help each other. Our EX'es did their part, they are gone now.

 

Please try to think positive now, try to find yourself. Your therapist is right, good people are still here. But first of all we have to overcome this feeling of us. We need to work on ourselves. Please please please... Just be positive with life, everything is happening around us just try to feel it. Look into life, look at yourself I'm sure we will make out of this worst time of our life.

 

Dont give up.. just try your best to laugh, stay happy. And lastly Be happy with your loneliness. Its a much needed break you have got here. You can work it out in your favor too. Just grab your mind and try to make this your strength.

[SooSad33]

I agree with what Qac has said^.

 

it isn't easy to have such losses, but this is now. There's many years ahead to keep living for.

This is just for today and to get back up there takes time. Because it's all rough road at the moment, it seems so much harder but it will get easier.

 

Keep trudging alone.. with ENA. Work on yourself and getting yourself together again, to feel more positive with Life.

It's not easy, I know.

 

One day at a time.

tc

[Ms Darcy]

Have you asked your therapist how you can tackle this?

[Thorshammer]

The girl i was seeing seemed a lot like you. She kept expecting me to be abusive and controlling. It just took one weird weekend where we were both frustrated for her to cut me off- no matter how much she liked me and claimed to want to keep me. She cut everyone off, and out i went. And i will admit, i am a guy thats had a lot of women, so its hard to get into the groove of a relationship with cuddling and responsibilities (nothing to do with commitment or lies)- but i did my best, and my words didnt matter.

 

She started taking therapy again, and decided to focus on her. I would advise you to do the same. Because while you feel like the victim and you are hurt by your past that you drag it out and play it out with the new guy - the other guy IS the victim and is hurt from your actions in the present moment. Focus on yourself and learn to see dating as a supplement to your life - not your entire life- this removes the power and influence they can have on you. No one can promise you that someone wont hurt you, but they can at least train you to soften the blow if they do, and the first step is seeing dates as an additional distraction from your normal life.

[Ladytmt]

Have you asked your therapist how you can tackle this?

 

Yes i have but just am still very angry over him causing me to lose my job.

[shelty24]

How long has it been since this happened? Your grieving right now and its actually totally normal to feel this way. Denial/shock, anger, depression, bargaining (should i try to get him back etc) and finally acceptance. Acceptance doesnt mean you forgive or forget-it just means you accept it happened, it wasnt your fault, your no longer in this pit of despair and ready to start again. That could take anything up to 2 years.

 

Whats important now is to acknowledge its okay not to be okay, surround yourself with positive things and people that make you happy. Join some new hobbies, make new friends, go out and have fun, get all dressed up and flirt a little, start living your life but its fine to shut the door on the world at night and cry. Your not ready to trust again which is okay. Thats gonna take time so be on your own for awhile and keep up the therapy.

 

Just realize there are good men out there whod never hurt you in this way and you will find one of them when your ready. Just learn from this experience

 

your ex didnt cheat coz theres something wrong with you-theres something wrong with him! Did he suffer from insecurity? Fear of being alone? Did he have a player past? History of cheating? Low self esteem? Addictions? Selfish?

 

Now you know what to avoid in the next one