Fought with my mother like never before..She wont let me stand up for myself

[Leona700]

Recently I stopped being friends with some people that I knew over a decade. I was shocked that out friendship ended because they verbally attacked me in a group setting. Long story short I asked for an apology they refused to apologize. We got into a heated argument name calling took place and our families are family friends. Those so called friends decided to bring other ppl into the conflict, spread rumors and turned people I dont even know against me. They give my bf dirty looks when they see him and I just had enough. I gave them a final warning that if they bother me again I will expose their secrets and attack their character. My problem is not so much these girls but that I feel my family does not back me up. My mother wants me show up to events that they are attending and ignore them if they start anything. I told her I cannot do that because that is not my personality. If negative comments or actions are taken towards me I will respond back. My mother turned on me because in her mind I'm acting properly. We had such a bad fight but I refuse to back down on this one. I will not let anyone disrespect me and not say anything for the sake of good image. This is because later on I beat myself for not standing up for myself.

[rosephase]

Sometimes not responding -is- standing up for yourself. It's being bigger then the other person or people who are acting like children. If get in someones face for some comment they made you are only proving that they got to you, that they can upset you, which is what they are intending to do. I know it's hard to be around people who disrespect you, if it is unbearable with these people just don't go to events with them. But if they are very intertwined in your family and major event will always include them... then I think you have to find a way to stand up for yourself without making a fight out of it.

[Kendahke]

Well, tell your mom when she acts all brand new when you turn down an invite to something these ingrates will be attending that you're standing up for yourself and too bad if she doesn't like it.

 

I've never understood anyone who has such a disregard for their own flesh and blood that they would not stand firm with them on people who aren't even related to you--they're just family friends. Yours is the second post I've read recently where the mother is feigning haplessness so epically when people who are not even blood related hold more sway with her than her own child.

 

Even if Babygirl (my daughter) was wrong about someone, and she has been--believe me, I would not turn my back on her and side with others.

[SooSad33]

Best to at least 'try' and not cause a ruccus. IF you have to goto these events, aim at ignoring.

Otherwise, you can inform them police can get involved if it goes as far as threats.

Dont lose your cool on them though.. just seems like SOME seem to have a 'want' for drama. Some ppl really DO need to grow up!

[bulletproof]

My mother wants me show up to events that they are attending and ignore them if they start anything. I told her I cannot do that because that is not my personality. If negative comments or actions are taken towards me I will respond back.

 

You are going to have an extremely difficult life if this is truly how you feel.

Standing up for yourself does not mean fighting. And making excuses like "it's not my personality" suggests that you are not taking personal responsibility for your actions.

 

You are certainly within your rights to refuse to attend events. Your mother should not try to make you go to things you don't want to go to (within reason).

[DancingFool]

Hate to tell you this but your mother is right. The only thing you are accomplishing is making a complete fool out of yourself and that will never earn you respect. You don't like these people, then walk away and don't deal with them and don't engage their drama. When you engage with them you are giving them exactly what they want - drama and making yourself look silly in the process. It's a lose lose situation for you. You don't need to go to events those people are at and if you do find yourself in their company, then your most effective weapon is to ignore their nonsense and let them stew and look like fools themselves. Always take the high road and never stoop to their level.

 

Respect is earned, but it's never earned by fighting or getting drawn into drama.