Starting to think I should stop being so involved with my mother and father...

[oitnb]

So if you've read any of my previous threads, my moms a drug addict.

 

Normally I don't have issues with my dad but today that changed.

 

Anyways, let me backtrack. Last night I was hanging out with my boyfriend and best friend. Out of nowhere my mom comes storming in my house like a bat outta hell saying she "needs to talk to me in private".

 

So we go to her car in the drive way and she proceeds to tell me my boyfriend is supposably telling people he does vile things to me when we have sex. I don't even wanna tell you what she said, but let's just say it's NOT true and disgusting/abusive.

 

He didn't tell anyone that. In fact, my boyfriend and I are pretty sure my ex from YEARS ago started these rumors, because my mom said the person who told her knew us both (my bf is old childhood friends with him) and my mom knows/sees my ex from time to time because he's part of the drug addict/trashy circle of people my mom talks too. So childish.

 

I was mortified. Thank god my bf grew up in the same low income neighborhood as me and knows how these pill poppers talk, otherwise I'd be so embarrassed I wouldn't even be able to function.

 

I called my dad last night after all of this to vent, and he didn't even really care. He just kinda said some cookie cutter "it'll be okay" comments and rushed me off the phone. I'm guessing this is because he was around his girlfriend, and God forbid if he talk about my mother around right. Psh.

 

I let it go. Today, I was in my bedroom getting dressed after a shower and I hear my dad come in. (Some details, my dad now lives with his gf and I live in his old house, bill free for now until I get on my feet, I'm only 19 and I have one job right now, trying to get a second so I can pay bills)

 

My dad starts screaming and cussing and throwing a fit because my bf had a backseat from his car in the living room. My bf has to install it in his car and was going to buy the parts for it today. My living room was clean, it wasn't like it was a wreck. There was just a backseat propped against the back wall. That's IT.

 

He keeps flipping out and then proceeds to SCREAM "there's so many F******* animals!!" Mind you, two of the dogs in the house are HIS, that he left here when he moved in with his gf. I take care of them cause I love them and it's not a big deal. We have two hunting dogs out back in kennels that are ALSO HIS, that I also take care of cause I don't mind. It's the least I can do when he's been helping me out so much.

 

The only two animals here that are because of me are my ferret and puppy. The other four my dad, well, basically abandoned. They were alone here for months until I moved back in.

 

He came back in and started going off saying how I don't respect this house. What the heck?! I clean everyday, I take care of his animals everyday, when I have people over i make them clean up after theirselves. He even got angry because I had a sign over my sink that said "you use it, you wash it" because my dishwasher was broken and I didn't want to clean everyone's dishes when I had company. He yelled "this isn't a flop house, you have a sign saying that?!!?!"

 

I can't deal with this anymore. Someone tell me what to do. Please.

[mhowe]

Put new locks on the doors.

Get 2nd job and move out to your own place asap.

[oitnb]

Put new locks on the doors.

Get 2nd job and move out to your own place asap.

 

Already getting new locks today. I don't want to move out, I wanna go to cosmetology school and get my career going, but unfortunately I might have to just work two jobs and never go to school because of all of this. He just came in and acted like he didn't even do anything wrong. Wow.

[Moontiger]

Hi bah,

 

A few thoughts and question. A while back did you day you had stop talking with you mom and would only speak to her again if she got into treatment? Stick to that. If she shows up just repeat you going to treatment?" If she says no or that's not what she is there to talk about ask her to leave, if she doesn't call the cops.

 

As for your dad, this goes under the heading of "if you want to be treated like an adult you have to act like one." which, overall I think you ARE doing very well. In this case you are going to have to sit and have a discussion with him about how he wants his property treated and what he wants done with the dogs. "you mentioned there are to many animals. Would you like you like to take some your dogs to your new place or should we start look for new homes for them?

 

Most places I have lived have required that guest can only stay for a limited period of time. So that is also something you can discuss with your father, "Generally when I have guest they stay X days. Is this reasonable for you?"

[Moontiger]

Put new locks on the doors.

Get 2nd job and move out to your own place asap.

 

Can she legally do that if its her father's property?

[abitbroken]

You can't change the locks if it is his house. I suggest you either chalk it up to your dad being at the end of his rope and the seat in the living room set him off (why is in the living room? Don't you have a garage or basement?). If you never had a prob with dad before maybe let him calm down, say you care for him and ask if he wants to talk or that you know he is under stress. If your dad is normally like this, that's another issue.

 

I feel that you should continue to look after the animals (why can't the hunting dogs live in side or find a home that treats them as inside pets??) - because they need you - but you should remember its his house and until you make other arrangements that is the way it is.

 

I think that if something is what your ex started, you just ignore it. Just shrug it off. Really. Just tell your mom if she presses that your ex probably started it and sticks and stones , etc. Or humor her.

 

I think you can't cut contact if you live in your dad's house. Just have boundaries. Ifyour mom comes in screaming, tell her she has to leave. Or only see them in controlled settings.

 

I think you guys need to work hard so that you can get out of your dad's house and get your own place.

[oitnb]

Yes I said that about my mom but i missed her and knew she would probably never go to rehab so I let her back into my life. Obviously a huge mistake on my part.

 

I agree, I either need to set some ground rules with my dad or move out. Even though, IMO I haven't done anything to "disrespect" the house. My bf stays a couple nights a week, and maybe once a month I'll have a small get together. That's it.

[Seraphim]

I wouldn't change the locks on a house that he owns unless you want to find your butt turfed out in the street. Don't forget that is his house. And he is letting you live there for free. Now was he right to storm in like a raging bull? Well, no.

 

I think you should get your own a one bedroom apartment. But that is also why you should not have bought a puppy. Get your own place and call animal welfare if he's leaving the dogs alone in the house. But now that you have a puppy you're going to find it next to impossible to get an apartment or pay and arm and a leg for it for the security deposit.

[oitnb]

Can she legally do that if its her father's property?

 

He'd be fine with it so long as I got a key copy made for him. It'd only be so my mom couldn't come storming in uninvited.

[abitbroken]

Already getting new locks today. I don't want to move out, I wanna go to cosmetology school and get my career going, but unfortunately I might have to just work two jobs and never go to school because of all of this. He just came in and acted like he didn't even do anything wrong. Wow.

 

You cannot change the locks. You do not own the house! He can legally evict you if you do that, i would imagine. I think that you should not change the locks but maybe boyfriend needs to move out. Take his car seats and whatever. You are there rent free by the good grace of dad and you are the property's caretaker. And maybe boyfriend needs to find his own place or move back in with family for awhile.

 

As far as school, you can still go. Don't jump off the deep end if this is the FIRST incident with dad. He has the right to say how his property is kept. Keep it clean and neat. Tell him you love taking care of his dogs. And if he doesn't want them DO NOT dump them at the shelter. Find a legit nokill rescue. But I really think that you should work, then pick up a part time job and save some of that money for school.

[abitbroken]

He'd be fine with it so long as I got a key copy made for him. It'd only be so my mom couldn't come storming in uninvited.

 

Did you ASK him if you could? You don't know if he would be fine or not.

[oitnb]

Yes, he might've been having a bad day and decided to take it out on me, but after the horrible night I had last night you'd think he'd try to be more sensitive. He knows how my mom affects me. My bf doesn't live with me, he just sleeps over every now and then. I do need to get my own place. It just sucks cause I wanted to live here and conserve money until I got my cosmetology degree.

[oitnb]

Did you ASK him if you could? You don't know if he would be fine or not.

 

Yes I did. Last night after everything with my mom.

[abitbroken]

Yes, he might've been having a bad day and decided to take it out on me, but after the horrible night I had last night you'd think he'd try to be more sensitive. He knows how my mom affects me. My bf doesn't live with me, he just sleeps over every now and then. I do need to get my own place. It just sucks cause I wanted to live here and conserve money until I got my cosmetology degree.

 

Its not up to him to take your horrible night into account or tiptoe. If he is at the end of his wits, he is at the ends of his wits. Mom probably affects him to. But for now - have your boyfriend leave his projects at his place.

[oitnb]

Lol, guys! My boyfriend doesn't live here! He stays all night maybe twice a week, tops.

[Moontiger]

Yes I did. Last night after everything with my mom.

 

Ok, as long as you asked him and he OK'ed it, you should be fine.

 

Have a discussion with him about the things he was upset about, don't accuse, just ask him what he wants you to do regarding X,Y, Z.

 

I'm a bit confused about why you would have a sign over the sink if you don't have people over all that often. If I was renting a place to someone and saw that I would assume there were people over a lot and staying for long periods of time. It would still be good to discuss with him how he wants to handle guest.

[Seraphim]

As a parent if somebody had a sign over the sink saying do your own dishes I would take it too that somebody was using my house as a flophouse.

[oitnb]

As a parent if somebody had a sign over the sink saying do your own dishes I would take it too that somebody was using my house as a flophouse.

 

It's good to see that from a parents pov, but I don't have people over all that often. Besides my best friend and my boyfriend. And maybe a small get together once or twice a month.

 

I put the sign up after I realized the dishwasher was broken as a spur of the moment thing.

[Fudgie]

I really think moving out on your own would he your best course of action. No idea how long you've been with the boyfriend but if the relief progresses, what if you moved in together?

 

My boyfriend hasn't spoken to his mom and dad in almost 10 years. She's a crackw___e and unfortunately, grandma isn't any better. When we moved out, we didn't tell grandma where we live. She still thinks we live in another city. It's actually quite humorous to me. She doesn't bother us much anymore. My boyfriend moving out really hurt her feelings and she has withdrawn.

 

You can go to school part time and work. Cosmetology? The schools for that where I am pretty much cater to working single moms so if they are able to work, go school, and care for kids, you can manage too.

 

Get a studio somewhere. Don't tell them where you live. Watch your quality of life go up.

[oitnb]

In this economy I think it'd be impossible to work a part time job and be able to live 100% on my own. I'd need to either work a good paying full time job, or two good part times. And school would be 100% out of the picture for a long time, which is why I'm so torn about this.

 

And it's wayyyyy to soon to discuss living with my bf lol. We've only been dating a few months.

[Fudgie]

In this economy I think it'd be impossible to work a part time job and be able to live 100% on my own. I'd need to either work a good paying full time job, or two good part times. And school would be 100% out of the picture for a long time, which is why I'm so torn about this.

 

And it's wayyyyy to soon to discuss living with my bf lol. We've only been dating a few months.

 

I agree, you'd need a full time job in order to live on your own and go to school part time. Or 2 part time jobs. It's definitely not out of the realm of possibility though.

 

I don't know, my boyfriend was chomping at the bit to leave. We shared a studio for year, he was so desperate to get away from those addicts. He took a bad minimum wage job with a boss who was stupid and inappropriate with him just so he could move out. He has since found a better job. I guess I'm a little puzzled why you don't have the same desire to leave ASAP from these bad people.

 

Oh that is not much time at all. I'm glad I didn't automatically assume. I agree, too early. Even for discussion.