At what point do you just give up entirely?

[Blue Spiral]

I'd like to thank everyone (or almost everyone, anyway) for their input. However, I've decided that looking at women is a lot more fun than talking about them (or talking about me), so I'm going to go do that for a while. I'll update again in a few months.

[CurtisS]

Have you ever read about something, the suddenly see it everywhere you look? You, my friend, are a Dismissive. That's an attachment type, and what it means is you feel pretty good about yourself and don't (consciously) think you need to compromise or work too hard for a companion. About 20% of the population, more male, and since they tend to not stay in relationships, almost 50% of single men in their 50s are. A stable but not very happy relationship for a Dismissive man is to find a needy woman who puts up with the lack of commitment and feeling because (essentially) they are desperate. Or there's being single. Good luck finding FWBs as you age. But seriously, there are therapies. "Bad Boyfriends" has a big section about your type.

[Iggles]

If your highest priority is minimization of effort, to remain as close to a rock as possible in terms of capability to do things with the grey matter a stone does not have, then you are succeeding. But that doesn't mean you're really living -- you're coping, is all. You're at status quo with the brokeness, and it appears that's preferable to healing. No one can judge those priorities -- but see them for what they are.

 

Insightful and well put!

 

Not being interested in other people doesn't necessarily equate to not caring about them. I know that my self-worth has nothing to do with other people, but rejection still hurts.

 

I don't understand this at all.. If you're not interested in others, I interpret that as being indifferent towards them. If you're indifferent then you don't care at all -- no positive or negative feelings.

 

Perhaps you're trying to express a different meaning?

 

You, my friend, are a Dismissive. That's an attachment type, and what it means is you feel pretty good about yourself and don't (consciously) think you need to compromise or work too hard for a companion.

 

Wow, I never heard of this before. I've heard of anxious, avoidant, and healthy attachment styles.

[Blue Spiral]

This thread is interrupting my visual stimulation! But I'll address certain points...

 

Have you ever read about something, the suddenly see it everywhere you look? You, my friend, are a Dismissive. That's an attachment type, and what it means is you feel pretty good about yourself and don't (consciously) think you need to compromise or work too hard for a companion.

 

That's fairly accurate...except it's not that I don't need to compromise/work hard for a companion, it's that I don't want to.

 

Also: I take it you're on Team Blue Spiral Feels Too Good About Himself? Well, meet tiredofvampires, the captain of Team Blue Spiral Has Horrible Self-Esteem. I'll let the two of you square that particular circle.

 

About 20% of the population, more male, and since they tend to not stay in relationships, almost 50% of single men in their 50s are. A stable but not very happy relationship for a Dismissive man is to find a needy woman who puts up with the lack of commitment and feeling because (essentially) they are desperate. Or there's being single. Good luck finding FWBs as you age. But seriously, there are therapies. "Bad Boyfriends" has a big section about your type.

 

1. I'm not doing FWBs anymore.

 

2. So, you're telling me that, at some point, not-very-social men decide that having sex with women in their age-group simply isn't worth the hassle? That's sort of a dog-bites-man story, isn't it?

 

3. ...why is being Dismissive bad, again? Or are you just telling me what I am in a morally-neutral way?

 

4. In my experience, women don't put up with a lack of commitment. Granted, both of my girlfriends were in their early twenties, and they had a lot of options.

[CurtisS]

You're intellectualizing a lot. Dismissive-avoidant sorts have developed a defense mechanism against being let down by those who cared for them when they were young - it's t not consciously care much whether they have an intimate relationship they can depend on, or not. Down deep you don't see others as reliable, so they are not safe to rely on. There is nothing *wrong* with this, it just means you don't make anyone a very good partner. Because when someone calls, you may or may not be there to help. Real intimacy is not your thing. Dismissives do sometimes end up with their female opposites, anxious-preoccupied, aka "clingy." Their excessive demands justify your coldness toward them, and she is replaying some drama with her father, so sticks around.

[tiredofvampires]

Well, meet tiredofvampires, the captain of Team Blue Spiral Has Horrible Self-Esteem.

 

Just saw this now...

 

Did you not say yourself that you have low self-esteem?