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My ex boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago. He is clinically depressed and not getting better, and the fact that I was moving on with my life professionally and he was "stuck" (in his view) because of his depression broke us down. We were also long-distance for the last 2 months. I'm at the place where I don't RATIONALLY think I should be with him or that we are capable of having a healthy relationship in the foreseeable future. However, I feel so lonely. I'm 22, and in medical school, on the other side of the US, and I worry that I won't find anyone ever again. The reason I broke up with him was because I realized that I would rather be single than in a bad relationship, but sometimes I just crave the comforts, the love, the closeness of a relationship sooo bad it drives me insane. My guy friends at school are great, but I just can't see myself ever being romantically interested in them, despite the fact that they are SO nice and would be wonderful boyfriends to some lucky women out there.

 

I know 3 weeks isn't that much time, but I feel depressed about my life and I don't think I'll ever truly be okay with being on my own. I am pretty busy and don't have time to go to bars every night to meet guys, and I don't think online dating is my thing. I just feel so depressed when my friends talk about their significant others and they are so happy, and it just always reminds me that I have a giant hole in my life. I know that I am young and I should be concerned with pursuing my career and I understand that and take it seriously, but it just doesn't make me happy the way that being in a meaningful relationship makes me happy.

 

I know this sounds stupid, but how do I feel better? I want to put my break-up behind me and eventually find someone new. I want to feel good about my life again...

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hi - it's only natural that you feel depressed after a breakup. but it sounds like it was the right thing to do. i would now really just focus on your studies, and spending time with your classmates. you will eventually find someone new, but you don't have to do it today or even next week, or next month! you have more than enough studying to keep you busy so focus on that. try to plan some fun weekends with your friends. go to social events your program plans for you. you're going to meet plenty of men so don't worry about being single forever! you're doing some awesome stuff right now, focus on that.

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Feeling better at the moment will be a constant battle.

You need to get yourself out of the mindset where you need someone for the comforts you once had.

The comforts within a relationship just like an addiction.

And just like some addictions, being single soon after a relationship ended can have harsh penalties and withdrawal symptoms.

 

You can either choose to fight those addictions or look for a substitute which does not compare.

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Try to put up with the loneliness for a while, it really might be good for you to be able to live with being alone, relatively contentedly. The more comfortable you can get with it, the better will you be able to handle the next relationship, which WILL come. Twenty two is very young! You don't have to always have guy, even if your friends do at the moment. Theirs might not last either! When I look back to being 22 myself I wish I could have had a different attitude rather than that if I didn't have a relationship life was not good. You did the right thing breaking with him, and you will find love again.

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Everything you said in your last,small paragraph is what will take time. You can't get over someone over night.

The feelings won't fade that fast.

You're now dealing with a true 'loss', which takes it's toll on you- for a while now. So, yes, 3 weeks.. is just the start.

You will feel lonely, sad,heartbroken, denial, anger, etc.

 

You need to accept the break up, which may take a little while. In the meantime you need to take care of YOU. You need to work on getting your rest, eating well and do your best to focus on yourself now, work on accepting the loss of the relation and working on being yourself and happy again. This all takes time....

 

One day at a time. If you find it getting very hard, you may want to go see your dr about something for possible anxiety? or even some counselling? It's been 5 mos since my loss, also of a long term relationship. It is not easy. Sadly, we, as human's seem to have many 'feelings.

 

I also suggest, not to run into another relation any time soon. NOT until you are much better and healed over this one. tc

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Thanks all. It's hard giving up my best friend, but I know it's the right thing to do. I hope I am able to find someone new in the future, and have the chance to create a better - and more stable- relationship. I'm still dealing with many mixed emotions right now and have a hard time accepting the fact that I am alone, no longer with this man with whom I've shared so much. Luckily I'm surrounded by good people in my life so it makes it a little bit easier. Thanks again for your kind words and support.

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