does having sex before the conversation on exclusivity......

[summernite]

....... ruin the possibilities of finding true love with that person?

[ChellyV]

not really. but do remember some people want just that. in other cases, booty call becomes a relationship.

it varies.

[Batya33]

I think it depends why it wasn't discussed -some people feel it doesn't need to be discussed. In other cases, the person who wants exclusivity doesn't ask because of the fear that the answer will be no (which can be based on the reality of the other person saying she doesn't want a relationship) -in that case it's not that the sex ruins things, it's that the people weren't on the same wavelength. I don't believe the issue is "finding true love" with the person but rather whether the people are on the same wavelength about what deciding to have sex means to the relationship (if it means anything at all).

[clueless11]

From experience, I can say it does not ruin it. I slept with my guy on our first date (the second time I'd ever seen him) and we are getting married in march.

[catfeeder]

It's not the sex itself that can ruin the outcome, it's the emotional charge of sex coupled with an insecurity about a lover's investment. This gets bottled up and hidden, so it comes out sideways at some point--or it can keep you bottled up and hidden. THAT's what can either blow the thing--or it can be used as a convenient excuse for the other to avoid going where the relationship was never going to go anyway.

 

If you care enough about someone to want a future with them, it's probably the best idea to voice that and determine where you stand before going to your most vulnerable place with them.

 

Sure, people can opt for empty sex--but that's not vulnerable sex, so it's not what we're talking about. And sure, some relationships can survive past the awkwardness of being sexually and emotionally invested in someone without knowing where they stand with you. But an unwillingness to speak openly before getting naked can mean one or both of you aren't willing to be emotionally naked with one another. That's the barrier--not the sex.

[Thorshammer]

No, it never has with me. All the sex i had except one happened before we became a couple. I cant say they were true love, but they were my gfs and the main goal was to fall in love.