TalkThatTalk9 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. I want to break up with him. We live an hour apart and I have only been able to see him once a week since we started dating. I have been the one doing the traveling, I'd say 95% of the time it's been me. I have been the only one in the relationship with money, and I have been unemployed all summer. so I had almost no money to begin with but always found ways to see him. it was like pulling nails to get him to come see me, I am so exhausted with this long distance business. I just want a local boyfriend and he has made it clear he is not moving anytime soon, and I refuse to move away from my family right now, so this is not going to change. (my grandma is getting very bad and I moved before away and my grampa ended up dying and I didn't get time with him I won't make that mistake again) we had plans to move in together in January of 2014, he was all about moving by ME things were going along he told me to start looking around for places to live and then drops it on me he wont be ready by our timeline and when I ask him about it he has excuses at to why he can't do it. I know he doesn't want to leave his sister. their parents died a few years ago, they are all each other have, which I understand, but any mention of him moving she freaks out and I mention to him moving he comes up with an excuse (like his dogs can't be left alone during the day, due to seperation anxiety from the dogs, what would they do???) I have found lately that I do not feel how I used to... he annoys me more than makes me happy. I hate I feel that way. He is not going to take it well... he is very sensitive, more usual than other guys. He is so in love with me, and thinks I am the greatest thing to ever happen to him. he has told me I am the first thing to come along that has made him happy since his parents died. He relies on me for most of his happiness it seems, so I Am worried he will take it extremely hard and I just feel bad I am going to hurt him this much. I care about him greatly, he helped me through the hardest time of my life. he treats me amazing, he loves on me, he cares so much about me. but that is also a problem, it is too much, and overwhelms me. and when I bring it up he says that he just feels you should tell a person you love how much you love them any chance you get. he hassles me for not telling him how much I miss and love him, he texts me it at least 5 times a day which I feel is excessive, but like I said, I bring it up, he gets bent out of shape. My birthday was friday, and I could not make it out to see him for my birthday, I just started a new job I need to work not take time off. and I went out with my brother and his friend for a ride around the country to clear my head. I told my boyfriend and he started texting me all these things to make me feel bad and guilty about being out with people. when I tried to joke and lighten the mood he got snippy with me. he does this when I hang with my guy friend, who is like a brother to me too. It is very frustrating. but when he goes out with his friends and there are single girls, I do not make one issue of it, and I have an ex that used to do that and cheated on me doing that, but I still trust him. I ask him why he doesn't like me being with my guy friend/brother and he says "he wants you as his girlfriend, why should I like that" but he has no proof of that. when my boyfriend does go out with friends, he just spends the whole night texting me about how much he wishes I Was there. he will send multiple texts through the night. it is crazy. lastly, he has a back disability, and his income from disability is going to kick in mid october. he plans on paying his sisters bills, getting a laptop so he can work from home, and finally taking me on a first date.... (no money to visit me or first date, but him and sis have money to smoke pot) he has no plan set in place though and I guarantee it will take him forever to do it... he has no motivation. meanwhile I am trying to start a new life and get my crap together. I just don't think we are on the same paths. I asked him about working from home he came back with "Well I can't work too much or they will take the disability away" so there is that. how do I break it to him that I want to break up, when he is so sensitive and will take it so bad. I know I should suck it up and deal with him being upset, I am just the type of person who 1)hates confrontation 2)hates hurting peoples feelings and 3) hates when people are mad at her. aka a wimp. any advice would be great..... I just want to do it as nice and easy as possible and I want him to be ok. I just truly feel like he is not the one. I get excited when I think of being single again... I am starting to find other guys I See out and about hot which is not a good sign to me. thanks Link to comment
Dcgent Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Can you state exactly why you want to break-up with him? I am having trouble following... Is it because you have to travel to see him all the time? Link to comment
laninaperdida Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Er... I don't think he's going to care all that much if you BU with him. I don't mean to sound harsh, but what's he losing? You don't see him very often & when you do it's all on YOU. He's already bowed out of living with you so he doesn't even care enough to use you for free rent. I dunno... I think you're making this way more difficult than it needs to be. I think he was only "with" you because he really had nothing else to do seeing as he sits @ home all day & doesn't really have any other options. I say just get it over with... Like I said, I doubt he'll care all that much. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 He is not going to take it well... he is very sensitive, more usual than other guys. He is so in love with me, and thinks I am the greatest thing to ever happen to him. he has told me I am the first thing to come along that has made him happy since his parents died. He relies on me for most of his happiness it seems, so I Am worried he will take it extremely hard and I just feel bad I am going to hurt him this much. And yet you are the one putting all the effort in. He won't travel, he can "meet the timeline"....I think he really isn't that invested in the whole deal. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 If this guy didn't text you awful things when you were with your brother, I would say put things on hold and give him a chance to get his life together - get a job working from home going, etc, etc. But because he tries to guilt you and can't handle you being out with your own brother - then I think you need to end this. Link to comment
tmp110314 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 This is quite a busy post, but, I get the following from it: You are not happy with him and want to break up. I know it's a lot more than that, however, encapsulated in a nutshell, he's not someone that you want as a mate for the rest of your life. The codependence with his sister, the pot smoking (lack of motivation goes hand in hand), his priorities and on and on and on. His lifestyle just isn't compatible with what you want in life. Now, let me say this - You are NOT responsible for his feelings. You are responsible for your own feelings and happiness. You are not obligated to stay with him to wean him off of the relationship. You are adults and need to communicate openly and honestly. You can script your break up any way that you want. I sense that you do not want to come off as cruel and hurtful. That is good and will also help soften the impact of the break up. This does not have to be a long and drawn out break up. Since you are long distance, it would make a lot of sense to do it via phone. That leaves you with the ability to terminate the discussion when you want if things start to get out of hand. It also gives a safety buffer so that there is no physical confrontation. It will take a bit to get the courage to effect the break up, however, it sounds like it is the right thing to do at this point. So, take your time to prepare. If you think that you need someone not attached to this situation to further discuss your emotions, consider consulting a therapist or minister or anyone else that is in your life that you trust to give you sound advice. Best wishes to you. Link to comment
QWit Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Yeah, I don't think he is going to take it too bad if you broke up.. Dude didn't even come see you for your birthday. He was expecting you to drive to him.. Link to comment
TalkThatTalk9 Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 thanks for the responses.... you really made me open my eyes. you all are right, what would he lose? he gets to sit at home and have me but put little to no effort into it. I was going to say "he would of came to see me for my birthday if he could have" but he actually could have..... his sister came by my hometown the day of my birthday and I had asked him to come with her so we could just go out here with maybe my friends. and he said no, he could not because he couldn't leave the dogs alone that long.... it was just a lame excuse but now that I really look back at it, it is an even lamer excuse now. man does this situation suck... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Did you end up staying with him? Link to comment
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