I'm 99% I'm going to breakup with my boyfriend :(

[oitnb]

I just can't do it anymore. I'm NOT happy. Regardless of what my moms done to him, regardless of what I've done, I'm NOT HAPPY. And that's what matters most in life, being happy.

 

I gave him 2 1/2 hours of alone time the minute he got home for work. He tells me he needs to go sleep somewhat early, he has to work at 9 tomorrow. I say okay cool. We watch a movie. Movie ends, it's 3 am by now so I'm like okay wanna go lay down? He says I'm laying down.

 

He then says he wants to sleep on the couch. Again. For the umpteenth time this week. I'm DONE. IM 19 FREAKING YEARS OLD IT SHOULD BE ALL PASSION AND LOVE RIGHT NOW NOT SLEEPING IN DIFFERENT ROOMS LIKE A 40 YEAR + MARRIAGE.

 

I know this might seem trivial to you guys, but just imagine if you s/o suddenly changed. They weren't kind, they became sarcastic, and then they suddenly stopped sleeping in bed with you and the sex died down as well.

 

Doe that sound like a relationship you want to be in?

 

I'm dead serious, I'm shaking and near tears as I type this but I can't take this resentment, this utter contempt he has for me that leaks through in everything he does. How could he not? My mother has screwed him ten times over, and apparently I'm a spoiled, lazy brat just because I'm still struggling to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm NINETEEN.

 

I even have sugar coated a lot of my threads about him to make you guys give me more advice that leans towards staying. Pathetic, right? It's so pathetic.

 

Here's the truth about this man.

 

He's hurt me twice in an argument, both times were "accidents". We were arguing and I went into the room and closed the door. He immediately slams it open, it left a bruise on my forearm that lasted for a few weeks. I told every one I hit it on the table.

 

We were arguing, an intense argument, and I threw something I don't remember, but I put emphasis on I WASN'T THROWING IT ANYWHERE NEAR HIM. yes it was inappropriate but it wasn't like I threw it AT him. He throws something, and it nearly hits me and ends up hitting a picture hung on the wall incased in glass. I had a cut on my arm that was small, but bleed a lot. He showed barely any remorse - of course not it was an accident.

 

He talked to a girl he used to cut himself over in high school, when we first started dating. I asked him to stop, I wasn't comfortable with it and he "does" until he DID. He promised again he'd stop and supposably he did.

 

He criticizes everything I do. We don't have a water bill here, and I am a big fan of long, bubble baths. I hate showers. He told me "you need to quit taking baths, it's expensive" I said "uh we don't have a water bill" he said "your hurting the environment" he doesn't care about the environment! He'll say anything to be RIGHT!

 

He's mr.right, mr.critcal, mr.angerissues. He makes me feel as if I'm always wrong, in every argument.

 

I need to leave him. I need to leave him.

 

I'm doing it tomorrow, when he gets home from work. He's gonna blow up. He's gonna tell me he'll keep all my stuff, unless I pay Half the rent, knowing I can't because I quit my job. He's only going to say this cause I'm leaving, if I stayed he wouldn't even mention it and he'd let it go.

 

My ferret, oh my gosh I just thought of her. He DID buy her, he's going to take her I bet oh I'm gonna miss her.

 

He's going to be so angry, I'm nervous. I'm second doubting it already, and I haven't even finished typing this yet.

 

Post guys. Every hour. Encourage me. I need it so bad right now.

[nfperception]

Everything will be alright. Just start preparing to get your stuff out.

[oitnb]

Everything will be alright. Just start preparing to get your stuff out.

 

Should I get it all out while he's at work and then tell him when he gets home? He said he'd be home around nine. I'm so so nervous. I can't believe I'm doing this, but it needs done.

 

I just know its not going to be a clean breakup. He's gonna yell, scream, cry, beg, he's probably going to threaten suicide. (He did it before when I tried to leave)

 

I wish it could just be. "Okay, I understand, we fell out." But it's not going to be that.

[ParisPaulette]

If he's hurt you twice, even on "accident" then yes it's time to go. But be smart about it first and try to figure out where you can go and if you have anywhere to go to first. If you feel in danger now get to a women's shelter if you don't have friends or family to get to. I read your earlier posts on this man and as much as I know you may not want to hear it are you sure he's not cheating on you? Because truthfully it sounds like it. The picking arguments and wanting to sleep elsewhere and belitting behaviors are all classic signs of someone who's cheating and trying to find "reasons" to alleviate their guilt by making you out to be the bad guy. Particularly if they were things that weren't always there but came on suddenly. And yes, you should never stay with someone who puts you down or erodes your self-confidence. I am all for you getting out, just do it safely and maybe rather than a big noisy confrontation you can plan it and then wait until he goes to work. That way you get out with a minimum of drama and he won't flip out and hurt you again, accident or not.

 

It's scary to start over, but having been in a similar situation with my first real relationship I can tell you 100 percent it's far, far scarier if you stay. Take a step back, take a few deep breaths, figure out where to go and how to take your things with you while he isn't there. I waited until my ex went to work then called my mom and friends who showed up at my door with a truck, we loaded it and I was gone. Of course he came around to try and win me back later, but by then he'd already hit me once and that was that. It was over forevermore. The good news is you do survive and life gets so much better, especially when you find someone who does treat you right. So yes, start planning now on making your escape so to speak. You may love him now, but that passes pretty quickly when you get some distance and heal and realize it wasn't all that, ever. How they are in the beginning isn't who they are in the long run and that's what counts in whether you stay with them or not. And being only 19 you have a good long life of other people who will appreciate and love you and treat you right, you just have to take those first steps to get there.

 

Good luck and yes, keep posting here and reading everyone's stories too. It helps.

 

Also the crying and suicide threats are all classic attempts to try and control you, not because he loves you. If he pulls the suicide crap tell him you'll call his parents or an ambulance and send them around, so he gets some help. And then do so.That way if it's a sincere attempt they can help him and if he's doing it just to manipulate you he'll change his tune really fast. That's what I learned to do with the classic "I'll kill myself" type stuff since my view was and is if they are really that bad off then they need the kind of help I can't give them and am not trained to do anyways. Or if they're bluffing they find out that's not the way to bluff me.

[zentoCC]

I would get your stuff out but make sure it your stuff only. You'll want as less to do with him as possible after the break up, you don't want him asking for his stuff back.

 

Good luck, and I'm sorry you're going though this.

[oitnb]

My dad is letting me stay in his place rent free, he doesn't live there anymore. I will ask my dad to stay a few nights though, so I'm not miserable. I was planning on moving my stuff while he's at work and then meeting him here, breaking the news, and leaving.

[oitnb]

I would get your stuff out but make sure it your stuff only. You'll want as less to do with him as possible after the break up, you don't want him asking for his stuff back.

 

Good luck, and I'm sorry you're going though this.

 

Yes. I'm only taking my clothes, my beauty supples, and a few decorations that are mine. That's it's. I've already deleted my Instagram and deleted his family members and friends out of my contact list. I'm not letting myself give in this time, I have to be strong.

[nfperception]

Should I get it all out while he's at work and then tell him when he gets home? He said he'd be home around nine. I'm so so nervous. I can't believe I'm doing this, but it needs done.

 

I just know its not going to be a clean breakup. He's gonna yell, scream, cry, beg, he's probably going to threaten suicide. (He did it before when I tried to leave)

 

I wish it could just be. "Okay, I understand, we fell out." But it's not going to be that.

 

Get as much stuff as you can out. The more, the better.

 

Get friends, or family to back you up with this move, especially if you think he's going to be violent.

[oitnb]

Get as much stuff as you can out. The more, the better.

 

Get friends, or family to back you up with this move, especially if you think he's going to be violent.

 

I don't think he'd ever physically lay his hands on me, but again you never know, especially based on his past behavior, so I think I'm going to have my dad drive me here and wait in the car while I break the news.

[oitnb]

This is the right thing to do. Doesn't look like there is an other issue to your situation anyway.

Move your things while he's not here. It'll be far easier.

 

It's not going to be an easy moment for you. I'm with you in thought. And come posting. You know we're all here for you. *big big hug*

 

Thank you so much. I appreciate any positive prayers and thoughts right now, seriously. I'm horrified that I have to do this.

[oitnb]

And heck, who knows he probably is cheating, emotionally most likely. I've suspected he's been talking to that girl from highschool for awhile. He was always hung up on that b****. I had to stare at the marks on his arms everyday and think how could he get over someone who made him to that to himself.

 

Well, no more.

[Lonewing]

You could just leave a letter and not be there, as harsh as this may sound. You can write better than you can speak, and you'll be far enough where if he does have a negative initial reaction, you'll not be in the same room as him.

 

How you word it is where you have to be careful, knowing everything that you know.

[oitnb]

You could just leave a letter and not be there, as harsh as this may sound. You can write better than you can speak, and you'll be far enough where if he does have a negative initial reaction, you'll not be in the same room as him.

 

How you word it is where you have to be careful, knowing everything that you know.

 

Despite all he's done to hurt me, I feel like a letter would be the cowards way out. And slightly heartless. I'm just going to go in, say "this isn't working for me anymore. I've moved all my stuff out. I wish you the best." And walk straight out. I won't be able to deal with sitting there and hearing him beg and cry and yell and get sad and then angry and then back again, I know I'll give in. Maybe ill write a letter explaining exactly why it's over and leave it in the kitchen or something, so he can have his closure.

[Lonewing]

The greater part of valor is discretion, and it would not be cowardice at all to do it in such a diplomatic manner. Dropping your words and walking straight out is perhaps even colder, to which I can imagine a far more direct response you may not appreciate very much.

 

This is not a nobel peace prize, this is a breakup. Many of them nowadays happen over a text message, if even that. If you know you will cave, then you cannot see him again after he goes to work, not for a couple days at the very least. In those first couple of days, you may perhaps talk to him on the phone, but don't see him. He has to go through this bear, to get free of you and you free of him. Don't be afraid to ask your father for support - not as a shield, but as a support, if that makes sense, though I have no doubt he'll step in when he thinks it's appropriate.

 

I would have waited until all your stuff was moved and you'd moved out before deleting and severing and closing accounts, but what is done is done. I only say this because by doing it, you have telegraphed your next move.

 

Again, I would not be in the same room as him when you break the words. The normal flurry of reactions will happen, and they will occur faster than you can imagine. If any part of those reactions is a negative reaction, you may find you have needlessly put yourself in a compromised position.

 

When my mom divorced my dad, she wrote a letter, rolled it up in her ring, put us in the car and we left. They had a bad argument that night, much like many other nights, but that night, that was the end of one nightmare and the beginning of another.

[oitnb]

Perhaps I will leave a letter... I mean, atleast in a letter I can say everything he needs to know, without worrying about his reaction. My dad will be there for me. I love him so much, he's going to be my rock for the next few weeks. He's really all I have since I cut my drug addict mom out of the picture, and am now leaving my boyfriend of two years

[Lonewing]

Even rocks get weary in time, so be sure to spread the load if you can. By that, I mean spend time with friends, other family, extended family, you name it, so that you're not weighing down on him. My father was very difficult to talk to about my breakup, because of the breakup in his past are still fresh on him - I recognize this, he's a man who never learned to deal with his pains, and now they're all piled up at once where he just doesn't want to talk about anything anymore, and when he does, it's a spiral of negative thinking.

 

You'll be able to get both tact and sense through a letter without getting walled up by emotion.

 

I'd let him have the ferret. A friend of mine has 2, he had 3, they come and go so quickly it's not hard to get another who is as cute [though every bit different] than the one you have with him. He may find a lot of comfort having something like that still with him. If he offers it in a couple months, I suppose then you can take it.

 

It was really, REALLY hard to lose my GF of 2.5, but I'll be honest...life is better without her - I'm really happy I no longer have her insanity, and yes, I'm alone, as I will probably be for a very, very long time, but...oh well.

 

If you do not use the tough love, you will be stuck in this spiral until time and consequence tears it apart - which really, that will be far too late, for both of you.

[oitnb]

I lost all my friends since I graduated highschool, and don't have any real immediate family. Besides my grandpa who lives down the road, I'm sure ill visit him a lot to fill up my time.

 

The worst part is, my boyfriend is moving into his fathers house at the end of the month, which is one street away from my dads house. Ugh. I really hope he doesn't go crazy stalker on me

[ForeverFree81]

Hey mate. Sorry you are in this situation! I have been there too, as a few others have. Now, you mentioned him getting physical in arguements; this changes things significantly. I know you are freaking out, but what you need to do is sit down and calmly start making plans. My ex was a violent man, and it made things a million times more complicated when I finally grew a set and left him. You need to know where your going, what you must take, the things you can live without, how you are going to tie up any loose ends, getting some cash from somewhere, stuff like that. I know hes upsetting you, and I wasnt much older that you when I left my ex, but this plan making thing may take a day or more to straighten out. You need to confide in an adult you trust, and have them there when you get your things. If he is prone to fits of rage or violence, have the police there too. Think about the things you are going to get first; grab your pet and run her out first, incase he tries to hurt her. I cant stress this enough; you must have a plan. And tell the trusted adult your plan too. Dont let yourself do this on your own, as he might hurt you, break your things, physically restrain you or try to talk you out of leaving; my ex did all of those things, which is why it was lucky the police were there. You need to have your plan in your head and follow it. I know you wanna leave him asap, but seriously, sit down, make a plan and tell an adult you trust; not a friend, an adult. Someone who isnt emotionally invested in the relationship, who wont be dissappointed for whatever reason if you leave this jerk, someone with your best interests at heart. I was lucky as both my parents were only too happy to help me leave. Please dont hesitate to inbox me if you need more advice, I am happy to help. You are 19; way too young to be putting up with this sort of thing, especially from someone who is supposed to love you.

[oitnb]

I have a breakfast date with my dad and grandpa tomorrow morning. I'm telling them what's happening, were going to go get my stuff, and then ill leave a letter explaining to him what's going on. I just want out, ASAP

[ForeverFree81]

Good idea. I know I dont know you, but I am really proud of you for deciding you want better for yourself, and for making the hard and scary decision to leave someone like that. You are doing the right thing, and you have no idea how sweet life is about to get for you. Its been 3 years since I left my violent ex, and I cant believe how good things are. I am going forward in every aspect of my life, and have recently met a new man who is so sweet to me. Please dont hesitate to contact me if you need some advice or anything, and please let us know how it all goes! Thinking of you xx

[oitnb]

Good idea. I know I dont know you, but I am really proud of you for deciding you want better for yourself, and for making the hard and scary decision to leave someone like that. You are doing the right thing, and you have no idea how sweet life is about to get for you. Its been 3 years since I left my violent ex, and I cant believe how good things are. I am going forward in every aspect of my life, and have recently met a new man who is so sweet to me. Please dont hesitate to contact me if you need some advice or anything, and please let us know how it all goes! Thinking of you xx

 

Thank you. I appreciate it!

[oitnb]

I texted him after I went to the bedroom and said : I don't know if you get some weird power trip out of me begging you to come to bed every night, but don't worry I'll never do it again.

 

That was before I even decided to leave. Wow. How true those words are