How do I bring myself to finally break up with her?

[catfeeder]

Well, where do I start?

I thought more about it today and the thought of lost time bothers me most.

As I feel a bit under-developed for my age as I've gone without sex whilst many people have done it a lot.

It does make me feel a little intimidated and a bit disappointed just because I may never what its like to have sex with a virgin. But thats getting a bit off subject.

 

Where do you start what? What is it you want to do?

[XD0055]

Where do you start what? What is it you want to do?

 

I want to just live the duration of this relationship in peace where I don't have these kinds of of thoughts.

I don't want to wonder in the back of my head how it would be like to sleep with a virgin, or be worried about

if she isn't pleased with my performance if it gets to that point, although she told me the dude couldn't last very long...

I just want to have peace of mind regarding this issue. Certain things still remind me of the situation and I'll backslide a little bit but I believe

to be taking steps in the right direction as it dosen't bother me so much that SHE isn't a virgin but moreso with ME being a virgin now.

[Blue_Skirt]

Reading the last few posts, it is not clear to me anymore whether we are talking about “values” here or talking about “anxiety of being an inadequate sex partner and being compared to a previous sex partner”. That’s a big difference in my view.

[catfeeder]

[...]I don't want to [...] be worried about if she isn't pleased with my performance if it gets to that point, although she told me the dude couldn't last very long... [...] it dosen't bother me so much that SHE isn't a virgin but moreso with ME being a virgin now.

 

Okay, you're being much clearer now.

 

Your concerns are valid given her remarks above about the other dude--she's being indiscreet. That's enough to caution anyone about becoming intimate with her. If she'll speak unkindly about a prior partner, who in their right mind would want to expose themselves to that? Virgin or not, everybody feels vulnerable about their sexuality, and nobody wants their experiences repeated to someone else--especially when you're young and need to socialize in the same circles for a long time.

 

You have every right and reason to keep a sexual distance unless and until you're able to learn whether this fabulous girl is really so fabulous. If she's not trustworthy, then she's not sex material for you.

 

If on the other hand, you find yourself relaxing with her as you get to know her better, then that's how you'll build trust. In that case, before getting sexual beyond anything you're comfortable with, it would probably be helpful to reach a state where you're comfortable whispering your secrets to one another.

 

That does NOT happen in every relationship--even one that looks good on paper and where both people are wonderful. But if you find yourselves relaxing past superficial walls, then you can explain your concerns about your own virginity to her rather than leave it as you coming off as judgmental of her for her past. Vulnerability welcomes tenderness and is much easier for women to deal with than hostile-sounding bravado.

 

So where do you start? Exactly where you are, Get to know her better. Trust your Self to learn whether you can trust her or not--in your own good time.

[XD0055]

Haha yeah thats like a classic 7-stages of grief right there....

Except nobody died... But you get my drift...

And yeah it does bother me a bit, I'm not calling her easy but she has said some stuff for

me to believe so. And that troubles me a bit but I'll take your advice. Sounds good though.

The trust is certainly there, to a degree, but I feel as though I trust her more than she trusts me and I think

that has built a bit of a wall there although we did tear down a lot of it early in the "friendship stage".

She frequently would pour her feelings and vent to me.

[catfeeder]

Does she know you're a virgin? That seems to be your only hurdle.

[XD0055]

Does she know you're a virgin? That seems to be your only hurdle.

Yeah I've told her.

She's told me that she'd value my virginity and wouldn't just

throw it away and then got to talking about how much she likes sex which makes me a little skeptical.

[agent1607307371]

So you think a woman can't value sex as well as enjoying it?

[XD0055]

So you think a woman can't value sex as well as enjoying it?

No I didn't say that. I just thought the tone she said it in and all was a little odd. Knowing how I feel about it. But thats not important.

I don't intend to have sex anytime soon anyway as I'm sure she knows, we touched on the subject not too long ago.

But its looking like the issue is pretty much resolved with the exception of my views on sex possibly being an issue in the future but we'll cross

that bridge when we come to it.

 

I'm sort of taking a middle ground with it now.

I've told myself I won't have sex with anyone unless I'm sure that

I'm at least in love with them and we've been together for at least a year.

[catfeeder]

I'm sort of taking a middle ground with it now.

I've told myself I won't have sex with anyone unless I'm sure that I'm at least in love with them and we've been together for at least a year.

 

There you go. Meanwhile, since you sense that you may have offended GF with your comments about your disappointment in her prior sex life, you may want to clarify for her that it's only because you're intimidated by it rather than judgmental about it.

 

This may melt away the recent wall you've sensed, because as you can see, it took a while for you to clarify this to all of us. Your initial comments came off as offensive, and this might help you understand any heated reactions you received.

 

What should that tell you--if a bunch of strangers could be this affected by your comments, then the one who really matters to you should be consoled and comforted to hear you clarify your true thoughts on the issue. Hopefully this will help your bond with the girl.

 

Fingers crossed for you.

[agent1607307371]

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