Do you think it is possible to be "In love" with more than one person?

[paperboy48]

Do you think it is possible to be “in love” with two women? I have been apart from me ex-wife for 17 months (wow!). I was with her for 16 years, she is the mother of my beautiful children. I think I will always love her for what we had and because of all of the good memories I have of her and special times we shared. For those of you who are not familiar, the end of our marriage was not my decision. On the other hand, I have been with my girlfriend for over six months, I have come to love her very much…. We have shared things I never shared with my wife. We are truly the best friends either of us have ever had.

 

So…do you think it is possible to be “in love” with more than one person?

[Edmund Exley]

Sure its possible, but its not wise LOL

[martymoose]

Johnny Depp once said “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”

 

I sort of had the same problem, i thought i was falling for someone other than my boyfriend, turns out it was just an infatuation.

 

you need to do some thinking/praying (if you do)

 

worked for me....

[superfan]

It sounds like you are struggling with being in love with what you "had" versus what you "have". Often times, we romanticize the past (and past partners) because we don't have the closure we need or we haven't emotionally healed from it. We think "it would have been better if only..." but that is a destructive way to live because there is no answer to that. There is no "if only" here.

 

Your marriage with your wife is over and whether it was your decision or not, you need to move on. Yes, you can feel like there is a part of you that will always care for her (that's healthy) but if you feel like you are still "in love" with her - that isn't. And you are doing a great disservice to your current girlfriend as well.

[Moontiger]

Depends on how you define love.

 

I personally don't think it is possible and 90% of the time its simple someone behaving the same way a child does when they are told they have to choose between cookies or ice cream. Just my opinion.

[Blue Spiral]

I absolutely believe it's possible--and am experiencing it--but people tend to disbelieve what they haven't personally experienced. This applies to gay relationships, age gap relationships, interracial relationships, poly relationships, etc. "I've never wanted to do that or felt like that, so it must not be real. No, it's just a phase, or someone being immature, or rebelling for the sake of rebelling." Keep telling yourselves that, everybody. It's all coming out in the open now.

[superfan]

I absolutely believe it's possible--and am experiencing it--but people tend to disbelieve what they haven't personally experienced. This applies to gay relationships, age gap relationships, interracial relationships, poly relationships, etc. "I've never wanted to do that or felt like that, so it must not be real. No, it's just a phase, or someone being immature, or rebelling for the sake of rebelling." Keep telling yourselves that, everybody. It's all coming out in the open now.

 

I never said it wasn't possible, just that I don't think that is what is happening with the OP here. It sounds more like he is remembering back to what he had and comparing it to what he has. He is not currently with his ex wife. That relationship has ended, so to say that he is "in love" with her, is an inaccurate statement. I know many people in alternative relationships - poly, swingers, etc. Three of my friends are in a relationship together. Two of them are married and the husband recently started dating a friend of mine and now they are a threesome. They love one another, so I absolutely believe it is possible to love more than one person.

[Moontiger]

It all comes down to how you define love. The way I do, it is not possible to love (romantically) more then one person. You can like them, lust after them, think they are interesting, but love is something more.

[DemolitionRed]

I go with 'yes' because I am in love with 3 people.

My husband of four years is an amazing man and every day I have to pinch myself at how lucky I am.

My bi girlfriend who I have been with for 3 years. Its a passionate love, the same as my husband but the love itself feels different.

My ex husband to whom I have a child. It was an amicable break up and we both have other partners now but I'm still in a relationship with him, even though its not passionate. My love for him is very strong, we went through so much together. Just because my relationship with him isn't sexual, it doesn't mean we are not in a relationship of sorts. My husband knows how I feel about him and he's doesn't feel threatened or jealous because he understands it. He thinks its great that we can still be so close and he also thinks its great that my girlfriend can fulfil the needs that he can't. I know this is not the norm and most people insist on absolute monogamy. Many relationships are steeped in jealousy, distrust and fear.

I think its perfectly natural to be in love with 2 or 3 people but then I suppose we are all different.

[kz91]

My opinion is no, you can't be in love with two people at the same time.

 

There's no need for me to say just how strong love is and how you feel when you're in love with someone. You can't have that strong a feeling for someone and then fall in love with another person.

[JustLetGo]

So your talking about 'being in love' here.

 

I think technically it could be possible, but that would mean you don't value the first person you were 'in love' with enough to stop you from flirting and falling in love with the second. It probably means the person doing that has boundary issues.

 

'Loving' multiple people at the same time, like in your instance your ex and your current. Yes. But you're comparing different relationships that were in different stages to one another.

You probably love your ex and your current. But are probably in love with your current.

[DemolitionRed]

I disagree JustLetGo, As I am the only person that has explained my situation and how it works, I can see how that could be interpreted.

 

All the time I was with my first husband I was loyal. I never so much as flirted with another person. When it came to an amicable end it did so because of internal pressures and not external ones. We loved one another very much but we just couldn't live together. It became like a love hate thing and the longer we were together the more we fell out. For the sake of our son we decided to separate but live very close to one another and that, if anything brought our relationship back to something loving and fun. For seven years we lived like that and neither of us had another partner. We went on holidays together, we had meals out, we had a passionate sexual relationship and we told each other our inner most thoughts and secrets. After a time the passion went out of the relationship. In other words we stopped fancying each other. We talked about finding other partners and we even helped one another make up our profiles for dating lines. To say I didn't value my first partner is hugely insulting. I love and value the ground he walks on. I adore my first husband and I have a very strong relationship with him.

 

Of course my relationships are all different, they have to be. What would be the point if they were all the same? When we have children we love each one of them equally but differently. Our love feels different for each child but that doesn't make it less strong!

 

To say that I'm in love with my present husband but not in love with my ex husband makes no sense. What is 'in love' verses 'love'? Is being in love stronger than love? if so then are we 'in love' with our children ?

 

I suspect 'in love' means you sexually fancy your partner and if that's so then yes, I'm in love with my present husband and I'm in love with my female partner but if someone asked me, who do you love the most, I can answer honestly, I love them all differently but equally.

[Kendahke]

Do you think it is possible to be “in love” with two women? I have been apart from me ex-wife for 17 months (wow!). I was with her for 16 years, she is the mother of my beautiful children. I think I will always love her for what we had and because of all of the good memories I have of her and special times we shared. For those of you who are not familiar, the end of our marriage was not my decision. On the other hand, I have been with my girlfriend for over six months, I have come to love her very much…. We have shared things I never shared with my wife. We are truly the best friends either of us have ever had.

 

So…do you think it is possible to be “in love” with more than one person?

 

No.

 

I think you can care for others very deeply, care about their welfare and well being, not want them to be hurt and suffer, but IMO, you can only be "in love" with one person at a time.