Age difference and dating

[Trixy05]

Okay, so 3 months ago I go with a friend to dinner and out to a club with all of his friends. I am new to the area and he was introducing me to people. And I a had time. I met a lot of people and one guy unparticular that we had the eye contact thing going on. Didn't really go to much further than that. So one month later one of the girls I met that night calls me and we go out to another club. I saw everyone again and it was great. Than another month goes by and another person I saw gives me a call and says Hey we are cooking dinner at the house and having drinks if you want to come over. So I did.... we had a few drinks and I started talking the guy I had great eye contact with before. We ended p talking ALL night. I didn't leave till 5:30 in the morning. And we talked about everything. I went home and the next day woke up and went and had sushi with a friend of mine (one of his roommates) and I was there again till the evening. We shares a few very passion kisses along with the conversation we had all night long. Three days later I get a call, "Wanna go get some dinner." Anyways to sum up the story and my question(s).... we went out twice since the night of the conversation... kissed and I had a great time. I am mature professional 21 year old that's likes to have a good time (yes its possible), he is 36 years old ER doctor. I have a great time with him and he is actively perusing me but what could really come out of this? I mean I have no problem with age, but in general its just like "What am I doing" Any advice? or suggestions? I am suppose to go out with him again in a week, but I'm sure we will all go in a group to get drinks this weekend...

[Scout]

I'm always leery about men that pursue women who are a great deal younger than they are. It's generally a red flag about their own emotional maturity, and also, many want a young lady as a "trophy." Be careful.

[DBL]

Sure you not jealous Scout? Just teasing...don't think a doctor would be the outdoor person you seek. I see you more with a veterinarian or Jeff Corwin.

 

I would be a bit weary on the age, but even more on his profession. I have a few friends that worked as nurses in doctor offices and could not believe what goes on behind closed doors with these doctors. I dated a girl that was a receptionist in the doctors office and she told me a whole lot about my doctor, more then I wanted to know. I ended up switching doctors, can't trust a doctor that doesn't have morals. I ended finding a great doctor who was was stratight up and had morals.

 

Anyway... if you are a doctor her in Florida...you'll have all the woman you want!

 

I don't trust too many doctors, especially the ones under 70.

 

I could be wrong but thats something you have to be aware of.

[Maverick44]

Quite honestly, it really depends on what he sees coming out of it.

 

At 36, he might be looking to settle down.

 

However, I am 28, and am not looking to settle down because I have goals that I would like to accomplish and presently see a relationship as a barrier to that. For that reason, I casually date right now. At my age, the women usually are looking to settle down. While I may hate to generalise, I'd say around 25, women are looking to find the men they will then settle down with.

 

This means that, for me, I usually do look for younger women that I can just casually date while not having to get into serious relationship talks at this time.

 

An ER doctor may want to setup his practice, etc....and could be in either category. Settling or not. If you want something serious with him, give it some time before you broach the subject. Observe his actions and what he says. He'll give it away. Us guys usually do because we don't like to lead people on. I know I don't so I casually mention that I like having them as a friend, etc...

 

Maverick

[lillady898]

Just thought I'd just say that my parents are 12 years apart and have the happiest, strongest marriage I've ever seen. It really depends on the people.

[melrich]

Age difference relationships are a tricky thing to give advice on. Anything over 10 years is usually considered significant and i would think that the difference between a 21 year old and a 36 year old would place strains on a long term relationship, more so than say a 32 year old getting together with a 45 year old for example.

However people mature at different rates, I know some 20 year olds that are more mature than some 40 year olds. Only you can really judge whether the age difference will be an issue and you probably won't know that until you have spent some time together. good luck with it.

[cleverme123]

I am 26 my husband is 37 and it works fine. I matured very fast and men need til they are 30 something to mature (sorry guys) . I don't see a problem with age however, doctors usually have strings attached or expect at very least you won't see much of him.

[Scout]

Sure you not jealous Scout? Just teasing....

 

Ha! Bite your tongue, DBL.

 

I do think that in general, a 36 year old doctor and a 21 year old girl are in very different places in their lives. So, I have some doubts as to how deep any actual connection could go. It's no secret that lots of men pine for a much younger woman, it's a status thing. Which makes you question their ability to be in a healthy relationship with good communication and mutual respect.

 

To those of you in similar age gap relationships, try not to take my opinion too personally, because that's just what is: an opinion. It is based on what I've seen, and even many of the posts I've seen here on eNotalone. For example, I read one thread where the poor girl was in tears because her much older boyfriend kept such a tight leash on her. He was always jealous, and said "he knew how guys were - but he was different." He also would put her down when she would object to his jealousy, saying "he knew better than she did." Many older guys pick much younger women because they can manipulate and control them, something any self-respecting woman closer to their age wouldn't tolerate for a minute.

[DBL]

I never really picked younger woman, I'm just not mature enough to date my own age.

 

DBL

[TrueHeart]

I've really been more open minded about age-gap relationships lately within the past 3 years. I really do not enjoy dating men my age because most (not all) are immature and play games. I'm not saying that there is a certain age that doesn't, but its more common in younger men. I have dated men 10 years my senior, and recently someone who is 20 years my senior. I have to say the man who was 10 years my senior acted like a little kid.... Oy! I really enjoy the company of older people only because I come from a multi-generational family. Guess it just depends on who you are...

[johndjmix]

Why be "weary" since he is older? Personally, I would rather someone I care about date a mature guy who is financially stabe rather than some druged up and sex crazed 21 year old.

 

Really what it comes down to is if the person will be there for you, if they care about you when you need them. This is not an age thing, its a love thing.

 

I say date the guy, but dont have sex with him for a few months, if he waits you know you are with someone that likes you for you.

 

--John

[TrueHeart]

I agree with you John. I'd like to elaborate: my BF and I were friends WAY before we slept together... We were dating for about 2 months before anything happened. (not that it wasn't a major obstacle, human nature to feel sexually attractive) But no matter how badly I wanted to sleep with him, I knew that he was showing restraint to because he wanted me to know that he was after the companionship and friendship... that sex was just a perk of it... Made me feel very special to know that someone respected me enough to recognize lust from love.....

[littlelady148]

Could be he just wants a "drinking buddy"

[Kbelles]

i can understand your concern. i sometimes ask myself the same "what-are-you doing-?" type question. i have a similar situation. my current bf and i instantly hit it off ( we met at a bus stop, oddly enough). we ended up sitting on a bench in the cold at the bus stop for THREE hours just talking to each other. i am 19 and he is 31. we have great conversation and really enjoy each others' company.

 

dont let the age gap spoof you. most guys our age are not on the maturity level to handle a young, sophisticated, mature woman. guys our age think that maturity is something that is reached in old age, but not necessarily. just TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. dont over-analyze what is developing between you two. who knows? you might fall in love with each other or you might just become really good friends.

[TrueHeart]

Ill agree with you there KBelles... As far as her situation is going, I think that perhaps this doctor is just looking for someone to do something with. To be honest with you, I don't trust a whole lot of men, because as a whole to me (based on my experiences and all my guy friends) though they tend to be more honest about things than most women, they leave part of the truth out so conveniently.

 

I am thinking that this doctor friend is perhaps someone who she can just buddy up with. However, I'm not completely ruling out the possibility that a relationship will spark, and I can see some skepticism with some opinions here--- but I believe that you judge someone on their own merit. I hate to see good people get taken advantage of and for granted....