Slow Club Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 So I wrote a text with the intention of NOT sending but upon finishing it, I realise this is the nicest, fairest and most honest message I've written for her and would really like to send it. Your job is to convince I'm wrong. over 1 year post BU btw Link to comment
skygreen1111 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Just think of how awful you are gonna feel when you pour your heart out to her with this beautiful text, and she never even responds. Or says like "Thx" or something equally frustrating. whats the point? Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Write it, read it to yourself, then burn it. The benefit is in your own realizations. To send her something after one year is just awkward. It will never seem as poignant to her as it seems to you. But the letter was really for you, not her. Keep moving forward and heal. Link to comment
Snow93 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Don't do it. Are you hoping she will respond? If she doesn't, what then? You will feel silly, maybe even pathetic. You might beat yourself up over it in a few days/weeks. Do you just want to send it regardless of her responding? Then pretend you did. Find peace in your own words. No matter what you send, what you say, it won't make a difference. Keep moving forward. Pretend you sent it, ignore it completely. Whatever it takes. Sending that text will change nothing but make you feel (and possibly look) worse. Stay strong! Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 What does the text say? Hard to give you advice or reassurance (as you want) without any info Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I was taught that if you feel like you'll be happier after you sent the text, then do it, if you don't think you will be, then really think twice. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Ok, well the number one thing is it is a text. After a year apart, anything that is going to be said, should be said in person. Would that be awkward? Then remember what PaintwithLight said. A year after, getting a text, would be awkward. a text is ten times worse. It can be difficult sometimes to remember the present when you start writing something like that to an ex. Your brain isn't really in this moment, it's doing its own thing dancing around and trying to create something from the past present future and make it cohesive again. Nothing wrong with that, but it's not necessarily a conversation starter. It's more a brainstorming... if you really want to share it, why not try here first? It's a safe place. Sending it to the ex is like sending your baby to the editor Link to comment
catcountry Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Don't do it! It was more than a year and I heard that my ex had open heart surgery that same month. I sent a simple card wishing him well. A week or so later I got a FB message telling me how he finally got back with HIS ex and they were planning on getting married. Is that what you are ready to hear about? Maybe not the same situation and I was far enough along that it didn't bother me but you seem to be more invested.....still. People will spew that stuff....are you ready to learn about it without being gutted? I think not. Don't do it! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I would say you might consider sending it if it was an email, but dude ... it's a text. Poo! ;( That is just janky after all that time. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Let's be clear. I don't want her back. She can tell me anything. I am more or less over now. Sure I miss her but as a friend. Here's the message (this is kinda scary now): I managed longer without feeling the need to contact you this time! but inevitably, I still lose the battle. It's just because I lie here with memories lodged in my skull wondering...all sorts of things. Where did it all go? What happened? Was it even real? I dunno, it's weird. Life is difficult to understand but I guess that's why I enjoy trying to. But when it comes to those three and a bit years, it's different. Understanding it is irrelevant and meaningless. Instead, I wish I could just forget it but that's difficult considering the significance of it all. As much as I enjoy photography, I've always thought that though pictures may be sharper than memories, they're never as lucid. I can throw old photographs away (which I did) but I'm not exactly going to just cut a portion of my brain out...or maybe I could... I know you hate me and you don't care any more and have no interest in what I say but I miss you. I hate saying it but I do. I hate how every time I go all doey-eyed at animals I'm reminded of you. Because I shouldn't, I loved animals massively before you yet somehow you convinced that wasn't the case. I don't blame you though. I don't blame you for anything. After nearly two years of trying to figure myself out again, I'm way beyond caring about blaming someone. This is all new to me and therefore massively interesting. Despite the occasional emotional obstacles, I kinda like analysing the philosophical significance of it all. And if I'm not doing that, it's good creative writing material lol. Anyway, I'm not really sure why I feel the need to text you because I never expect and perhaps probably don't even want a reply. I guess it's because you're still the person I feel most comfortable being open and honest to and sometimes, when you're constantly suppressing your emotions, you just gotta let it out. You taught me that Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I would say you might consider sending it if it was an email, but dude ... it's a text. Poo! ;( That is just janky after all that time. I don't get what the difference would be between an Email/CellPhoneText/Card/FacebookMessage... It's in the form of text >. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Haha yeah, text is text. Calling isn't an option, neither is a letter. A reply isn't necessary from her. I'd love to send a letter if I could though. Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Then do it! You've got your answer! She might text you back and you guys start contacting each other, do you want that? Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 SlowClub The message would be fine to send ONLY if certain things meet these requirements. 1. You are ACTUALLY over her and not just telling us that (you are being 100% honest) 2. You realize what you want to get out of this and whether or not you are ready to talk to her if she replies 3. I would change a lot of the wording in regards to things like "I know you hate me..." or "I shouldn't be reminded of you anymore" You are almost 'putting her down' in a sense, but at the same time "not blaming her"... Maybe edit it a little bit more and make it more about reflecting on the past, not about how much she hates you or how you don't even want a reply. Link to comment
catcountry Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I'm sorry but in MO it's pathetic. It says I miss you and I love you and I want you back all over it. It's been a year! This kind of message should be something sent within the first month or so. Plaese do not do this to yourself. AND.....I'm sorry if I have offended you. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I'm sorry but in MO it's pathetic. It says I miss you and I love you and I want you back all over it. It's been a year! This kind of message should be something sent within the first month or so. Plaese do not do this to yourself. AND.....I'm sorry if I have offended you. Again, as I stated above your post, IF he is being 100% honest about being over her, he is conveying that he misses her as a friend, not as more. So if he is being honest in that regard, his message isn't necessarily "pathetic". But it's also about what OP wants out of this and how he wants to be productive. Does he want to be friends again or is this for closure. Link to comment
Slow Club Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Hmm, I do want it to be reflective but if it seems like I still want her back then I'm not sending it. I really don't want her again, it'd be a mistake. I do just miss her as my best friend. Edit: it's a bit of both. I'm not massively bothered if she doesn't want to be my friend again but it'd be nice. There's definitely a sense of finding some closure though...whatever that means. I think as the message suggests, I'm still trying to fund the significance of it all. Link to comment
Slimpee Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Don't send it. If an ex sent me a msg like that i'd probably feel a little sorry for her and know that she hadn't truly moved on. Bottom line: If you have truly moved on, you won't care about contacting her. You say you're "more or less" over her but it's more likely you're just trying to convince yourself. Stay strong! Link to comment
Slow Club Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Maybe you're right slimpee. Maybe the message is just me trying to convince myself that I'm over her. Emotions are difficult to figure out...being over someone is different to not wanting someone back. I can say that I don't want her back but I don't think I can say that I am totally and completely over her. Link to comment
heartbrokengir Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Maybe you're right slimpee. Maybe the message is just me trying to convince myself that I'm over her. Emotions are difficult to figure out...being over someone is different to not wanting someone back. I can say that I don't want her back but I don't think I can say that I am totally and completely over her. You figured it out. YAY! Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Hmm, I do want it to be reflective but if it seems like I still want her back then I'm not sending it. I really don't want her again, it'd be a mistake. I do just miss her as my best friend. yes, then remove all the "I miss yous" and anything sounding similiar... Here: I managed longer without feeling the need to contact you this time! but inevitably, I still lose the battle. It's just because I lie here with memories lodged in my skull wondering...all sorts of things. Where did it all go? What happened? Was it even real? This seems clingy/needy and that you still don't understand what happened (i.e Lack of reflection, self-analysis, etc...) I dunno, it's weird. Life is difficult to understand but I guess that's why I enjoy trying to. But when it comes to those three and a bit years, it's different. Understanding it is irrelevant and meaningless. Why would it be irrelevant and meaningless? Again, lack of understanding or NOT WANTING to understand what went wrong, what you learned from it, and why. Instead, I wish I could just forget it but that's difficult considering the significance of it all. Sounds like resentment and/or (again) lack of understanding. As much as I enjoy photography, I've always thought that though pictures may be sharper than memories, they're never as lucid. I can throw old photographs away (which I did) but I'm not exactly going to just cut a portion of my brain out...or maybe I could... You didn't want to remember her and you wish you couldn't anymore (from your brain). Not sure why this is even necessary to tell her? I know you hate me and you don't care any more and have no interest in what I say but I miss you. I hate saying it but I do. I hate how every time I go all doey-eyed at animals I'm reminded of you. Because I shouldn't, I loved animals massively before you yet somehow you convinced that wasn't the case. This is all unnecessary. Why would you KNOW she hates you. For one, that seems really self-centered. It takes effort to hate someone and you are implying she still cares THAT much. And whether or not she does, you are going to stir the pot with this line and open up a can of worms you might not be ready for. I don't blame you though. I don't blame you for anything. After nearly two years of trying to figure myself out again, I'm way beyond caring about blaming someone. This is all new to me and therefore massively interesting. Despite the occasional emotional obstacles, I kinda like analysing the philosophical significance of it all. And if I'm not doing that, it's good creative writing material lol. This is all OK, besides talking about the "emotional" side... Try to leave emotions out of this message and stick to being productive, stern, reflective and respectful. Anyway, I'm not really sure why I feel the need to text you because I never expect and perhaps probably don't even want a reply. Again, if I read this, I would think "why is he even sending me this then?"... Then the mind wanders to ulterior motives... So, you should SEND YOUR MESSAGE WITH A PURPOSE. I guess it's because you're still the person I feel most comfortable being open and honest to and sometimes, when you're constantly suppressing your emotions, you just gotta let it out. You taught me that Confiding in her, even though you know she "hates" you.... Contradictory positions, but nonetheless, almost "needy"... Stick to being stern and none of the cutesy stuff Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I don't get what the difference would be between an Email/CellPhoneText/Card/FacebookMessage... It's in the form of text >. People don't text in full sentences and there isn't the same opportunity to draft, review, revise long messages as there is in email. Texts have a feel of "I thought of this three seconds ago and I am sending it right now." Link to comment
blacklantana Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 People don't text in full sentences and there isn't the same opportunity to draft, review, revise long messages as there is in email. Texts have a feel of "I thought of this three seconds ago and I am sending it right now." People don't text in full sentences on a daily basis, but a once a year text definitely will get reviewed and/or drafted a few times before sent. I've typed up an email to myself and copy/pasted it through text to send off. Many people, including me and Slow Club, can revise/review a text just as easily as a email/facebookmessage/etc... Maybe I'm just weird Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I'm sorry but in MO it's pathetic. It says I miss you and I love you and I want you back all over it. It's been a year! This kind of message should be something sent within the first month or so. Plaese do not do this to yourself. AND.....I'm sorry if I have offended you. My first response in reading that was ... this says: "I MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU. I WANT YOU BACK." Hmm, I do want it to be reflective but if it seems like I still want her back then I'm not sending it. I really don't want her again, it'd be a mistake. I do just miss her as my best friend. Edit: it's a bit of both. I'm not massively bothered if she doesn't want to be my friend again but it'd be nice. There's definitely a sense of finding some closure though...whatever that means. I think as the message suggests, I'm still trying to fund the significance of it all. I don't see anything in there about "let's be friends." Don't send it. If an ex sent me a msg like that i'd probably feel a little sorry for her and know that she hadn't truly moved on. Totally agree. Link to comment
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