Are you the type who avoids your family?

[courtney06]

I've always had this uncomfortable feeling about spending time with my family. I always feel like I have to get away from them as soon as possible. Especially if there are babies and very young nephews, I just don't want to be there. It's a horrible feeling and I sound selfish. This is the only family I have and I need to get over it, but it's not that simple. It really isn't and I hate when people tell me to just snap out of it. So when i hear people tell me they can't stand being around their family, I can relate.

 

I guess it's because as I grew up, there was such high expectation on how I'm supposed to act and the minute I say or do something that seems wrong to them, they have to point it out. They're not trying to hurt me or anything, but I am quite sensitive. I'll start thinking about what is wrong with me and that I don't fit in.

 

I'm going to try to appear as happy and relaxed as possible. I'll have to fake it until I make it. The sad part is I was looking into ingesting some things, and I don't mean alcohol, to force myself into a good mood. This is really bad if I feel like I need to do this.

 

Anyone else have a similar issue?

[Capricorn3]

No. I can't relate to this at all because we are an extremely close and happy family, so I would never avoid my family. Some people are close, and some aren't. It just depends on the circumstances of your upbringing.

[Fudgie]

I love my intermediate family. I don't really give a crap about my extended family. I haven't seen any of them since my grandma died and I haven't made contact either. Like you, I find them either boring or annoying and I'm content to just let them fade away (they are out of state). I mean, this includes all of my uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. I just don't care really. Being related to someone is not a good enough reason to be around someone.

 

If my brother had kids or something (I have no idea if he will, he's got issues) I don't know if I would be very involved in the children's lives. I'm not interested in being an aunt and I am not obligated to be in its life if I don't want to.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with being this way. Some families are close, some aren't.

[SapphireNoir10]

No I can't relate either. I've very close to my family, parents and grandparents. We are very open about anything and therefore have a good relationship. However some of my friends hate spending time with their families and parents etc. Depends on upbringing and how your family are as Capricorn3 said.

[MyNinja]

I CAN relate to you OP. my family has this expectation to perform a certain way and i just can't conform to it because I am my own person who has different ways of doing and seeing things. This has caused me to be an outcast towards my mom and her side of the family. They are all man-haters and are very critical of people in general. I'm not comfortable talking to them too much out of fear of being judged. My mom is the most harsh of them all. I've been judged and called out on several times by certain family members. I'm close with my bf and no one seems to really like him when he's done nothing but good....oh well. I feel you though

[Rockchick26]

YES!! I can TOTALLY relate to this!! In fact I came on here to post my own thread about it and I saw yours! You are not alone, and you are not weird! That's just what people call anyone who doesn't fit in, when people that fit in are ALL the same, so it's definitely better to be who you really are even though it makes you an outcast in your own family.

 

I think people like us are just more independent, and we don't need families as much as most people do. Are you introverted like me? I think that has a lot to do with it too. I prefer to be alone 75% of the time (and sometimes different amounts, depending on my options).

 

I HATE when people say to me that my parents won't be around forever, I should spend more time with them, but they all have good families, of course they say that! They don't understand and never could.

[Fudgie]

I'm an introvert and yeah I think that has something to do with it. Okay, so I like spending time with my parents but no one else in the family (aside from my sibs). My cousins are all religious and extroverted. We have nothing in common and I never know what to say. They are like "Hey let's go play *some sport*" and I'm like "Uh. No."

 

I just don't mesh with extended family at all.

[Rockchick26]

I agree that it makes a difference when you have things in common. It's like people expect you to push aside all differences just to accept these people. Blood may be thicker than water but friends can often be better for you than your family can be.

[MyNinja]

I agree 100%. I was always looked down upon and was told by several members that they are "worried about me" because I don't act like they want me to act. They compare me to my older sister a lot as she's the extrovert and the one who knows how to mesh with extended and immediate family members. I keep to myself and I never am interested in the activities they do. I don't know why I'm just not.

 

I think another part of it is when they used to point out my differences and make jokes about it. I find more comfort in friends

[Rockchick26]

I agree 100%. I was always looked down upon and was told by several members that they are "worried about me" because I don't act like they want me to act. They compare me to my older sister a lot as she's the extrovert and the one who knows how to mesh with extended and immediate family members. I keep to myself and I never am interested in the activities they do. I don't know why I'm just not.

 

I think another part of it is when they used to point out my differences and make jokes about it. I find more comfort in friends

 

I agree, I have always preferred the company of my friends because they don't judge me and they like me for who I am. This is what pisses me off about families, they are worse for you than anyone because they can't accept you, when they SHOULD be the ones to accept you the most!

[shellyf62]

I know exactly what you are talking about.

I love my kids & we are very close and spend a lot of time together, but I hardly see my Mum & Sister. They are just completely different to me. My Ex Husband used to seriously ask if I was adopted because I am so different to them.

I have been single for 14 years, had very little child support, so just got on with life, worked hard & bought my kids up the best I could.

My Sister is a user & a mooch. She goes on Facebook & spills her personal issues, to the point where people give her money & household goods. It makes me so embarrased that I now have hidden her.

She & my Mother are co dependent, they both whinge about each other constantly, but spend every waking hour together. My Mum is on a pension, but my Sister even takes money from her.

[RoxyGril]

I can relate to you as well. I seem to avoid my mom and her side of the family due to being hurt growing up. Everytime I do visit I just want to turn around and leave. Just seems as if I go there stress and leave there more stressed, wondering why I even bothered going. I just don't feel welcomed or appericated from them. It definitely has become a lot harder to visit during the holidays though. I think I avoid my family because I really need to express how I feel but, just don't know how to do it. I guess it's because no matter what I say it just doesn't matter. But, I suppose I just need to get it out there so that I can move on.

[courtney06]

I can relate to you as well. I seem to avoid my mom and her side of the family due to being hurt growing up. Everytime I do visit I just want to turn around and leave. Just seems as if I go there stress and leave there more stressed, wondering why I even bothered going. I just don't feel welcomed or appericated from them. It definitely has become a lot harder to visit during the holidays though. I think I avoid my family because I really need to express how I feel but, just don't know how to do it. I guess it's because no matter what I say it just doesn't matter. But, I suppose I just need to get it out there so that I can move on.

 

I feel this way about my some people in my family, but what i found is usually the ones who point out things they see wrong in us have a lot of insecurities themselves. My aunt would always point out something wrong with me and she has a lot of her own issues. I found that pretending to be very happy...like euphorically and whenever they ask you something or tell you something stupid, shrug it off or laugh at them. Make them feel stupid for saying the stupid things they say. I think eventually they will learn that they can't get to you no matter how negative they try to be and they'll find someone else to pick on.

[courtney06]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I glad there are a lot of people like me and I also appreciate the responses from those who can't relate. It's tough and it is not something that we can just snap out of. I think when we spend time with our family and we have this feeling that we need to "get away", we are remembering something from the past. There is some kind of fear of rejection or humiliation. I guess we either face your fears or you continue to alienate ourselves.

 

I'm just gonna have to stop giving a **** and be who I am around them. I visited my dad's side last week and it was fine, but I didn't stay long enough to reaalllly connect again. I'll break the barrier when I feel ready. I'm getting therapeutic help with my depression and I'm gonna try to stick to it this time.

[RoxyGril]

I feel this way about my some people in my family, but what i found is usually the ones who point out things they see wrong in us have a lot of insecurities themselves. My aunt would always point out something wrong with me and she has a lot of her own issues. I found that pretending to be very happy...like euphorically and whenever they ask you something or tell you something stupid, shrug it off or laugh at them. Make them feel stupid for saying the stupid things they say. I think eventually they will learn that they can't get to you no matter how negative they try to be and they'll find someone else to pick on.

 

My family does have a lot of insecurities and from what I can they never address them. I try to shrug it off but at times it just doesn't happen, my mom's side of the family is just negative. I have a letter for my mom just don't know when the time is right exactly and guess I'm a bit scared to give it to her.

[courtney06]

My family does have a lot of insecurities and from what I can they never address them. I try to shrug it off but at times it just doesn't happen, my mom's side of the family is just negative. I have a letter for my mom just don't know when the time is right exactly and guess I'm a bit scared to give it to her.

 

Yea I hear you. When I'm in a really good mood I actually want to stay away from my family because I think they're gonna try to complain about something and ruin the moment. I think you'll know when the time is right to give it to her. Better than not saying anything at all. Just keep in mind people aren't gonna change unless they want to even though they know what they're doing is causing negative impact.