Lifeiscrazy87 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I have a beautiful girlfriend who I love a lot and never want to lose. But sometimes she does things to make me wonder, like ignoring my calls but picking up when other people call. I dont want to be too clingy or pressure her, so i take my mind off of her by flirting with girls I dont know online. I also think I do it just incase my girl cheats on me or leave me, so I wont be stuck with nothing. Is this wrong? Because I feel kinda bad doing it, but I dont want to put pressure on my girlfriend. Link to comment
Captain Obvious Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 So you cheat on your girlfriend just in case she cheats on you... right Link to comment
timbit Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Really easy one. Yes, you are wrong. Link to comment
lennygirl Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Dude, If you feel that it is wrong, then it is. Another way to answer your question would be to reverse the situation. If your gf was flirting with random guys online, would you like that? The answer is yes, what you are doing is not helping build a trusting relationship. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Let's just say if I were your gf I would leave you and never look back. Link to comment
meerkat15 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 You're only going to drive yourself crazy if you keep wondering whether she will ever cheat on you or not. Does it really make logical sense to do exactly the same thing to her that would hurt you? My advice would be to tell her--if she finds out on her own, it will probably be much worse. Link to comment
Lifeiscrazy87 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Ehh yeah you guys are right. I wouldnt want her doing that. Its just that I also dont want to be left hurt with nothing again like my ex did me. But I guess ill just take whatever comes like a man. Hopefully nothing ever comes. Thans for the answers! Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 You don't get to hurt someone else because you are afraid of being hurt. That is not fair. If you loved her you wouldn't do this to her at all. Tell her, she deserves to know. Link to comment
Lifeiscrazy87 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Mam you are so exactly right. I really thank you guys for helping me see the logical prospective and the prospective of good people. Im really thinking of just deleting my online profiles on chatting websites. Cause id be crushed if I lost her. Shes the best and our relationship is extremely good other than that. Are there any ways that someone can advise me of to help deal with insecurities and wondering if your girl is hiding things? Link to comment
Lifeiscrazy87 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Oh and you said I should tell her. Do you mean tell her about the online chatting? Do you really think I should do that? Because I was hoping to just be able to delete my stuff online and forget about it and focus on being with my girl without hurting her. If I told her this stuff it might just cause unessessary problems. I think im just gonna stop. Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 You realise what you are doing basically counts as cheating right? Don't you think she deserves to know, it should be her choice whether she chooses to forgive you and move on. You've betrayed her, and her trust. Even if you never do it again, you still did that to her. Yes it will hurt her, but she has the right to know that you've been doing this. Your insecurities are your problem. Therapy would probably help. Time can also ease them. Once you've been together for a while, you realise that she isn't leaving after all. Thing is, relationships fail all the time, every day. Its horrible and cruel, but its a fact of life. Eventually you move on and find someone else, then the same thing will happen. But eventually, you'll meet someone where it just works. Where neither of you leave. This might be that everlasting amazing relationship, or it might be one of the stepping stones. You won't know which one until you know. But hiding things from your partner, and flirting with other women - purposefully. That is not how you deal with you insecurities. Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 You are basically trying to protect yourself incase your girlfriend leaves you by giving her a very good reason to leave you if she ever found out! Also, have you ever thought that perhaps you have these insecurities that your girlfriend is "hiding something" simply because you know exactly how easy it is to hide something from your partner? What is even more selfish is right now at this moment you are keeping her in a relationship under false pretenses. If she knew about this then at least you would be giving her the right to decide if she wants to be in a relationship with someone who does that. You blame this chatting online with other girls on your ex leaving you, yet in turn you are punishing your current girlfriend for it. If you don't have faith in a relationship, then you shouldn't be in one. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Oh and you said I should tell her. Do you mean tell her about the online chatting? Do you really think I should do that? Delete your profiles, stop going on the chat cites, and don't mention it to her. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Agree- just stop the inappropriate behavior. It's fine to have women friends as long as she knows about them and as long as they are not unsupportive of your relationship (affirmative support isn't necessary but no interfering) and as long as there is no real flirting. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Yeah you are insecure because you know how easy it is to betray someone so you are projecting your guilt onto her. Shameful really. I have never understood when people say " I have the best partner, I love them so much blah blah blah" but then they are doing something shady on the side. Really, why? Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Yeah you are insecure because you know how easy it is to betray someone so you are projecting your guilt onto her. Shameful really. I have never understood when people say " I have the best partner, I love them so much blah blah blah" but then they are doing something shady on the side. Really, why? It is a sort of self-defense. Although people can get carried away with their own self-defense. If the original poster is worried that he will be left for someone else, that is another issue altogether and he needs to recognize that. Link to comment
faerietale Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I think even if you stop going online to flirt with other girls, your insecurities and fear of your gf leaving you would not go away and you're still stuck with the source of your problems. The online dating is just a cover for how you really feel. You need to talk to your gf about how she is treating you and how it makes you feel. This doesn't mean that you are clingy, but you just want to communicate with her. It's not going to hurt. Sometimes people take others for granted. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you, but she may be aware of her feelings. If after you communicate and things are still the same and you're not happy, then decide on whether or not you want to work on the relationship but don't take the coward way out and have a back up plan. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 This thread is the one I posted when I found my boyfriend chatting to women online. I saw it as cheating .Called off the wedding that was booked and engagement. We are still together as I decided to forgive him. But as you can read, it was a terrible thing to put me through and I almost left him. Link to comment
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