Is he trying to fade away?

[bebeblondie]

Ok so been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks, we've had 3 dates (posted about him before). Everything seemed to be going well, he does all the right things, texts me throughout the day and calls at night (for the most part). We saw each other Saturday night, and I can't help but feel like something has changed. Sunday afternoon I texted him first, and he was giving me these one word replies, which was irritating me a bit but I also know he has hurt his shoulder really bad and was in pain, so I chalked it up to that, but then he sent me a pic with him sitting on the couch, applying a heating pad to his shoulder with the caption "this is my relaxing Sunday", so I told him I hope he feels better and that was it. Later on that night he texted me asking how my day was going, we texted a bit and then I called to him to see how is shoulder was, and we stayed on the phone for about 2 hours, he made numerous references saying "next time I see you, I'll show you this....", even offered to pick me up from work one day this week that we're expecting a snow storm. So the conversation went great. Then the next day he texted me in the morning with a comment on the weather....I texted him in the afternoon asking him how is shoulder was and his reply was "sucks", so I left it at that, because one word answers really annoy me, especially since he normally hasn't given me one word answers in the past. Later on that day he texted me asking how my day was, I told him I was headed home from work soon, he said he just walked in the door, and I replied "no overtime today" he said "nope", and I said "good, so your shoulder can get some rest" and he said "yup". So again I dropped the conversation cause it didn't really seem like he wanted to talk. Then a couple of hours later he texts me again, asking how my night is going, so we went back and forth a bit (this time I was getting more than one word answers, but still wasn't very engaging) and ended with him being tired and going to bed. So no phone call last night, and havent heard from him yet this morning, so now I'm begginning to think he's trying to fade out on me. I understand that this normal contact for 3 weeks of seeing each other, but he was just so much more full on up until Sunday and now I'm getting worried.

[metrogirl]

One word answers don't nessecarily mean he's fading out. He's still contacting you which is a good thing. It could be that he is just in a lot of pain. It seems like he is still trying to let you know he is interested without putting forth the same effort that he did previously. I would just wait and little bit and see if he completely fades out.

[mhowe]

Good lord -- you have been on 3 dates, he is in constant contact and IN PAIN.

 

You need to chill out --

[Edmund Exley]

You seem to post a thread over every move this guy makes. No wonder your having a difficult time trying to figure things out. Maybe try not to analyze every little thing

[bebeblondie]

You seem to post a thread over every move this guy makes. No wonder your having a difficult time trying to figure things out. Maybe try not to analyze every little thing

 

You're right but it's because I thought we moved kinda fast from the start, and now I feel like I'm just waiting for the ball to drop. I am well aware that this may just be my insecurities and nothing to do with him.

[Edmund Exley]

You're right but it's because I thought we moved kinda fast from the start, and now I feel like I'm just waiting for the ball to drop. I am well aware that this may just be my insecurities and nothing to do with him.

 

Maybe you should work on that before entering into a relationship with a person who doesn't deserve to be the victim of the insecurities you most likely developed as the result of someone elses actions.

[itsallgrand]

Wow girl. I would have invited myself over to help him with his shoulder. He clearly likes you. He was in physical pain.

[Batya33]

Given his shoulder I'd cut him slack this week and see what happens when he feels better. Are you typically right when you have these "he's fading away" feelings about other guys?

[Edmund Exley]

Given his shoulder I'd cut him slack this week and see what happens when he feels better. Are you typically right when you have these "he's fading away" feelings about other guys?

 

They've only been out together 3 times. There's not even any evidence here to be right about.

[itsallgrand]

They've only been out together 3 times. There's not even any evidence here to be right about.

 

Yeah, and if anyone could be worried about "fading away", I think it would be the guy in this situation.

 

Annoyed at one response answers? When he even sent her a pic of him laid up with a shoulder injury? Jeez, that's harsh, IMO.

 

She could be giving him the impression she only wants to see him when he is in tip top condition. That's what I would take if I were in his position and someone showed no interest in seeing me if I got hurt, but instead expected me to be my most charming talkative self.

 

Three dates. Is he expected to do everything?

[bebeblondie]

Wow girl. I would have invited myself over to help him with his shoulder. He clearly likes you. He was in physical pain.

 

Well I mean, I saw him Saturday night, Sunday he was at his parents his until the evening. He lives about 45 minutes away from me, and I get home pretty late, so it's not like I could just easily take a trip over there. Also, I think it might be a bit awkward after 3 dates if I just showed up at his place to take care of his shoulder. He does have use of his shoulder, he has been going to work (physical labor), so it's not like he's incapacitated or something, it only hurts him when he moves it.

[bebeblondie]

Given his shoulder I'd cut him slack this week and see what happens when he feels better. Are you typically right when you have these "he's fading away" feelings about other guys?

 

I've been both right and wrong in the past.

[itsallgrand]

Hehe, I wasn't suggesting just showing up! But making a little comment showing you are up for making an effort to see him, and that you aren't shutting him down.

 

People get especially vulnerable when they are hurt. Even if it's not incapacitating. All I am saying is a little reassurance/sweetness on your part wouldn't have hurt.

 

I see nothing here where he is fading away. I really don't get where you would get that impression? Am I missing something?

[mhowe]

You do know it's Tuesday, right.

 

And you have been on 3 dates. And he is in pain.

 

Relaxxxxxx.

[lavenderdove]

Put down the phone and back away... do NOT try to use texting as some kind of umbilical cord where if he doesn't text you profusely 24x7 then something is wrong.

 

Try to switch to less texting (and less frequently) if you want to talk to him on the phone and REALLY get more info about how he is doing and what is going on. Texting is not a subsitute for REAL interaction with him via a phone call or in person, and it can lead to lots of misunderstandings and insecurities because the messages are so short and you can't at all sense his tone or the nuances that a conversation will bring.

 

Let's say he sends you a one word response. Perhaps his boss is in his office or he's driving in the car or he's dripping wet from the shower or too tired for conversation or whatever. But you immediately jump to 'he doesn't love me' which is a total non sequitor and no real evidence of that considering he is staying in contact with you and talking about future dates.

 

So stop intitiating texts, and ask him to call you instead. perpetual texting is a teenagers game, so stop it. Adults have real lives and need to detach from the phone long enough to work and do things other than constant texting.

[Edmund Exley]

Sadly this is the world we live in now days, and soon people will only know how to communicate this way. Hell, they even write long posts here in "text speak'. It truly is a shame this is the way our world communciates.

[bebeblondie]

We do talk on the phone almost every night, but during the day its just easier to text because neither of us can talk on the phone at work.

[metrogirl]

We do talk on the phone almost every night, but during the day its just easier to text because neither of us can talk on the phone at work.

 

So if he is doing physical labor at work, he couldn't possibly give you the text responses that you are seeking.

[bebeblondie]

So if he is doing physical labor at work, he couldn't possibly give you the text responses that you are seeking.

 

 

Yes I understand that, but the text responses I referenced were the ones I was getting when he was home.

[Cherry009]

Realistically, he could just change his mind any minute about you. After 3 dates he could just disappear, this happened to me recently, just after he had gone on and on and on a few days earlier about how much he liked me. Not saying your guy will do this, but if you have made loads of posts about this guy and are getting emotioanlly involved now then stop!!!! Just take it slow and remember that actions speak louder than words!!

 

One word answers to your texts would annoy me and i would refuse to reply to them. Especially as it has not been like that from the beginning

[bebeblondie]

Realistically, he could just change his mind any minute about you. After 3 dates he could just disappear, this happened to me recently, just after he had gone on and on and on a few days earlier about how much he liked me. Not saying your guy will do this, but if you have made loads of posts about this guy and are getting emotioanlly involved now then stop!!!! Just take it slow and remember that actions speak louder than words!!

 

One word answers to your texts would annoy me and i would refuse to reply to them. Especially as it has not been like that from the beginning

 

I completely agree with you...it's kinda difficult though not to get emotionally involved when you are speaking everyday and have already been physically intimate (I know that was a mistake and I never do that, but nonetheless it happened). At this point the only way for me not to get anymore emotionally involved would be stop speaking to him.

[Batya33]

I completely agree with you...it's kinda difficult though not to get emotionally involved when you are speaking everyday and have already been physically intimate (I know that was a mistake and I never do that, but nonetheless it happened). At this point the only way for me not to get anymore emotionally involved would be stop speaking to him.

 

I would accept that it didn't just happen -you chose to have sex with him early on with all the benefits and risks that come along with that. From that perspective rather than the "it happened" mindset you can then feel more in control of dating and your choices/role in it. I am not saying it was a mistake to sleep with him early on -certainly if the benefits (how much fun/pleasure you got out of it, or any other positive aspect) outweigh the risks then it wasn't. One downside is getting emotionally attached too early on and being more upset than you otherwise would be if the guy changes his mind and decides he doesn't want another date.

[bebeblondie]

I would accept that it didn't just happen -you chose to have sex with him early on with all the benefits and risks that come along with that. From that perspective rather than the "it happened" mindset you can then feel more in control of dating and your choices/role in it. I am not saying it was a mistake to sleep with him early on -certainly if the benefits (how much fun/pleasure you got out of it, or any other positive aspect) outweigh the risks then it wasn't. One downside is getting emotionally attached too early on and being more upset than you otherwise would be if the guy changes his mind and decides he doesn't want another date.

 

Yes I did choose to have sex with him and I own that. I believe I got a bit carried away that night because I'm usually very level headed when it comes to this sort of thing, but it happened and theres nothing I can do to change that. And I am aware that that's the reason I am taking this a bit harder than I probably should, but its ok luckily it was only 3 weeks not 3 months.

 

I know it sounds like I might be writing this guy off a bit too soon, but I have not heard from him today (other than me asking him how his day was going and getting a short reply from him), and my gut has been telling me something isn't right for a couple of days now.

 

I just always thought that if one of us wasn't feeling it anymore at some point we would be honest with each other since we were set up by very close mutual friends.

[Ms Darcy]

I agree about the expectation of texting during the day. It just seems needy ... which is aan easy way to drive guys away.

[Batya33]

I agree that he should take how you met into account but some people do not consider those long term consequences.