Rebounds?

[alex11]

How long do rebounds usually last? My ex got with a guy soon after we broke up, but she has admitted that she doesn't like him that much, but it is just safe to stay with him right now. She likes the comfort of having someone and I think she is worried if we tried again it wouldn't work out and she'd be left with nothing. How long will it take her to realize she's wasting time with this guy?

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that you should concern yourself with this. Rebounds last however long they last. There is no standard when it comes to rebounds. Face the fact that she might not realize that she is wasting her time. Instead see that right after you she got with a guy rather quickly, that alone should give you more insight into her character and personality. You need to not to dwell on this and pursue other interests and stop thinking about your ex.

[polygal]

I just don't understand how you could want to wait for someone knowing that she is with another person. How do you know, that if you get back together, that she will still have comminication with the other guy. I'm sure you are great guy. Are you dating? She will realize what she has when you are gone, and with someone else. It is her lost. Rebounds are for confused people. They play too many games.

[tiger_lilies]

I agree with Daywalker. My own rebound lasted about 1.5 months before I got tired/bored of him. I even knew that he was a rebound...we even discussed it!

 

You're ex is afraid to be alone. She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet before jumping into a relationship with someone she doesn't really care for.

Rebound NEVER last! That's why we call them rebounds!

[hockeyboy]

saw this post and have a question. my ex left me about 3 months ago. we still talked everyday for 2 months. a lil over a month ago i found out she had been lying, she was seeing someone else. i stopped talking to her and we have had nc for that time. randomly, she called my phone and my friends phone on friday night. what are the chances its cause her rebound went sour?

 

to be honest, i really dont care anymore. i dont hate her, but i dont care if shes with someone or not. however im a curious person, to curious sometimes and im curious as to why she called. i didnt pick up when she called...dont really want to talk to her and prob wont at least for a while...but does that sound like the most likely reason to call espeacially after her telling me she never wants to talk to me again.

 

haha..just trying to quench my curiosity thirst i guess.

[rich46]

hockeyboy - I didn't realise that your ex had lied and was seeing someone else. I must've missed that along the way! Now I know that, then yes I believe it is a possibility that she called for that reason. As you know, my ex called me when her rebound hit the rocks a few weeks ago. Seems like a similar situation. Why do they do that? Well in my case it was to use me as a security blanket, something to fall back on I suppose. Although I was close to caving in and reestablishing contact with her, looking back I'm glad that I didn't.

[hockeyboy]

really, i didnt tell you that? i figured i had. but ya..she lied. so thats the most likely scenario, right? i mean..calling me on a friday night and all. if she had a bf, she would prob be with him.

[alex11]

so how am I supposed to tell her no when she tries to come back. That is gonna be pretty hard on me. Is it possible to make her work for it, then she won't think of me as a security blanket?

[hockeyboy]

what makes you think shes coming back?

[alex11]

they all come back eventually, just usually not when we want them to.

[jchan]

they all come back eventually, just usually not when we want them to.

 

true and quite true

we don't want them to because we had to rebuild out lives when they ripped out our beating hearts.

we don't want them to because they kicked us when we were already down by seeing another guy

when we go through so much hurt from this, we always have to ask ourselves, that, after doing so much rebuilding and improving ourselves, why would we want to sink back to our old selves and allow them to culminate more pain for us in the first place?

after all they left us once, and met someone new in a period of time, what makes us think that they won't do it again?

 

like what David D'Angelo would say, we're usually better off starting fresh, without having to worry about the problems of the past

[RayKay]

Rebounds can last from a day to forever. Just because someone gets into something right after another relationship does not necessarily make it a rebound...it could just be right.

 

But, if she is not happy it could not last all that long. On other hand, why do you want a girl who stays with someone for convenience?

 

Whether it is a rebound or not, it does not mean she will be back with you afterwards, so don't concern yourself too much with it

[twiggs]

This is a good topic, goin through same thing as you guys. If given the chance, would you guys get back together w/ex? And do we give ourselves hope that we will get back together for the healing process, or because we really want to?

[estella]

My two cents:

 

personally i've found that hope (of getting back with ex) impedes the healing process if anything...coz you'll always be thinking 'what if...?'

 

I think hope and waiting can kill you in relationships.

 

I think your other question was answered before: ex's are like security blankets, its so hard to let go, but you do when you find someone new.

 

stel

[twiggs]

your right in alot of ways. There is someone on this website who has this motto and I believe its brilliant. It goes " The only time your ex wants to get back with you, is when they you know you have completely forgoten about them" I think its great.

[jchan]

what matters most is the end result for the time being:

she's/he's with another person

no matter who that person is, or for what reasons they are together

we have to acknowledge the fact that we should have nothing to do with this. in fact it's less painful and more productive to try our best to rid them from our lives.

 

yes there is some hope if it's a rebound, but don't give yourself false hope, the waiting and hoping that you'll get back together impedes on the chances of you improving yourself and the chances of you finding someone new and is probably a lot better then your ex.

 

but here's eomthing that's always true. when you don't want them back, they'll come back looking for you. just like the way we all were when we broke up. when they found someone else and don't want us back, we want to go back to them. same principle can be applied to our advantage.

[ReadyorNot]

My ex ex started dating a girl almost right after we broke up... they are still together.. that was 5 years ago exactly....

 

I met a guy 8 months after this ex ex broke up with me.. .some friends told me HE was a rebound.. but I didnt think so since there was two guys that I hung out with all the time.... one I did a few things with (never sex) and the other guy just hugging and stuff.. this second guy actually called me one night and i told him about meeting a guy and we were dating.... I still chat with this second guy and he admitted to me maybe a year ago that the day he called and i told him about dating someone, he was calling to ask me to be his gf... DAMN!!!! Now this second guy is engaged...

 

So if you consider this guy a rebound its been 4.5 years for me.....

[blueyed99]

My ex and I split up about six months ago. We were together for 8+ years. He met someone else just two weeks after we split. He told me from the very beginning that he was just having fun, "dating" but not intensely, said he wasn't even serious about her .. wasn't even into her all that much. When I asked "well then why are you dating her?" he said she was a nice girl and they got along - there was no stress and no arguing and he loved it. (she's from spain and she speaks very little english. That's why they get along. She doesn't speak much and/or understand much so there's a whole lot of silence)

 

 

Well, six months have passed since the day he met her and told me he wasn't into her and such .. and guess what? Guess what's going on now? Well, yes, they are still together. Things seem to be progressing quite nicely in their relationship. They are serious and spend a ton of time together. He calls me every so often although I have asked him not to repeatedly, however, he seems quite content in his relationship. The last time I spoke to him, a few days ago when he called/blocked his number said he was calling about something (some rediculous reason, mind you) I had to ask how his relationship was progressing. And he said he didnt want to talk about it because it made him feel uncomfortable. Clearly, he cares a heck of a lot more about her than he was wiling to admit a few months ago. And, turns out I shouldn't have believed a word he said.

 

I think she has moved in to his place or is planning to. Six months after the fact. In other words, all of his bs in the beginning - telling me how much he didnt care? It turns out he was just feeding me lines, telling me what I wanted to hear.

 

Don't believe a word they say. Actions speak louder than words.

Think about it .. if he/she is with some other person, there IS A reason why -- and that reason is? THEY WANT TO BE.

Don't sit around and wait because you COULD be waiting forever. I say move on and find yourself someone wonderful .. someone who is worthy of you. Because, you are damn worth it.