can you still go on after cheating...

[keeptrying]

My relationship with my partner is so sour, its the dullest most lifeless normality i could of ever imagined. Theres a resentment between us that

we are in absolute denial of..we simply dont like one another and as soon as one of us lets our guard down and shows it the other

flips.. I make him angry all the time and he infuriates me all the time.. weve been living together for four years, a year ago i cheated on him, its the most selfish and most hurtful thing ive ever done and its something i have to regret and remember forever, i cant even begin to explain how much guilt i feel, anyway he says he still loves me and hes forgiven me but it sort of feels like an act, i dont think he loves me at all..hes unemployed and i earn great money, i really do think hes just with me for the lifestyle my income provides us and he really deep down hates me for what ive done but he just cant bring himself to walk away, i hate myself i mean i really really loathe myself for what ive done, it makes me sick to even think about it so i cant imagine how he really feels... theres this invisible wall of anger between us and it feels so unbreakable, we dont agree on the little things, and then soon the little things can be really big things. We have talked endless hours on how to fix our problems, how to stop our fighting, we are both so willing to fix our relationship and then we just end up in the same place. I dont think its normal to fight every single day, to scream at eachother and swear and make false threats to break up.. in fact i think that sounds really exhausting, but i do it and i dont have a clue as to why. Its like no matter how obvious it is in my mind that we need to break up, my body refuses to permit the actions of actually breaking up. I just keep thinking theres something else i could do

[Clio]

Have you tried couple's therapy?

[Angler]

Do him a favour and break up with him.

 

I've been on the receiving end of infidelity. He feels infinitely worse about it than you do.

[MissMetamatics]

I am going to have to agree with Angler. I am currently divorcing me cheating husband. I never attempted to reconcile, because it's not worth going through the pain. Unlike you, he hasn't shown remorse and still continues to lie. It makes me sick and I definitely do not have the same love & respect I once had. He's actually a pos in my mind.

 

The pain of having your significant lover betray you, is more painful then anything you can go through (aside from death of a child).

[Ms Darcy]

I could go on after my partner cheated on me. But he couldn't ... cause he'd be dead.

[keeptrying]

why would he tell me hes forgiven me and string me along for almost 2 years, im not the one in denial of our feelings toward eachother, he is..if i leave him he would truly believe in his mind that its because i dont love him and i do love him very very much, dispite what you all think about me cheating on him i really do adore him, i was 19 when i cheated and i learnt the really hard way about the misery and damage it can cause to an otherwise healthy relationship, ive spent the last 2 years trying to make up for it, supporting him financially and emotionally, he has no job or licence and has a bad weed habit, hes not exactly any girls prince charming, but hes mine, but when i step back and look at our lifes it really is obvious he does not love me and is with me out of comfort..but because i cheated on him im the bad guy. its just not fair that he couldnt of ended it all that time ago hes just strung me along telling me he still loves me, and i just have to live in my mistake

[chickydoodle]

Your cheating has played right into his hands - He probably feels you owe him now and he can justify never getting a job, smoking more weed, and not getting off his ass to get a license.

I spent many years with someone similiar and like you adored him....

This r'ship is very unequal . I think you need to listen to your instincts telling you the harsh truth about his 'using' you in some way.

 

''You dont like him but Love him.'' 'Like' is equally important to help cultivate mutual respect.

 

The r'ship is not healthy and you are clinging to a delusional hope that it may get better.

People dont cheat ( except for sex addicts / seriel cheaters) unless something is lacking or seriously wrong in their r'ship.

 

If you can't leave him then at least try for a break , see if being absent triggers any motivation for him to change.

You are letting him get away with soo much - of course he isnt going to put in as long as you continue to do this.

 

Forgive yourself for the 'mistake' with the other guy and dont allow this b/f to forever use it against you. If he cant forgive you ( or pretends he cant) You must move on.

If he is not going to put in financially and emotionally so the r'ship is equal, then you must move on.

 

You think you can afford him 'cos you have a high paying job? This is not the way to look at it. You deserve your high income and deserve to have the choice of using your money to do exciting things in life.

 

You WILL regret wasting your years with him if you continue like this.

[zep]

This sounds sooooo much like my relationship with my ex. Only in the scenario I am like your boyfriend and you are like my ex. Eventally we finally broke up. THANK GOD. I'm A THOUSAND TIMES HAPPIER!!!!!!!!

 

Just end it. I left when my boyfriend cheated on me, but I had a job at that point. If I had still been financially dependent on him (which I was for a year, like your boyfriend) I would have stayed.

 

You have to get out of this relationship somehow. It's obviously not working, and you are wasting years of your life you can't get back!

[ConservativeM]

There is basic question here - You love him and he loves you, then why the relationship is not working. He really forgiven you or just out of his compulsion , he is being forced by himself to do so. It is not easy to anyone to forgive so easily. At the back of mind, the sense of injustice and insecurity always persists. You must compare his attitude before the cheating and after that.You can make out whether he still carry same affection with you or you are feeling something different. Trust and affection are basic of any healthy relationship.

You are the right person to judge - whether the healthy relationship can be Reconstructed or not. You must learn about the possibility before concluding anything.

[Edmund Exley]

How was the relationship before the infidelity? Obviously you cheated for some reason. Im guessing it wasn't good then, so why are you trying to keep it together now that its even worse and infidelity is hanging over it?

[Edmund Exley]

Just read your previous thread.

 

This relationship was never good. I think the issue is you are young and you feel that there is a sense of loyalty you must hold on to here.

 

"hes not exactly any girls prince charming, but hes mine" - nothing you say about him shows you see him as Prince Charming. Thats equivilant to having a dog that destroys everything and saying "He's a bad dog, but he's mine". The difference is, a dog isnt really capable of making decisions to be a better dog. A man is.

 

Your words here describe that you are fullly aware that he is everything but Prince Charming. Prince Charming saved Cinderella from a desolate life, this man couldnt save you with a gun to his head, and if the going got tough and he had to go out and find a way to support you, he most likely wouldnt.

 

You are describing a very common codependant relationship. He behaves poorly as an adult, and you support his ability to do so because you feel an underlying responsibility to do so. Now the infidelity is the leverage he has to play the guilt card that exists in most codependant relationships. You need to break yourself of being this type of partner, or you will indeed continue down this sort of path, not just with him, with other men as well.