Sirenia Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I met a really nice guy and we have heaps in common and could help each other a lot in our careers (as we work in the same field). I initially met him online (not on a dating site) but it took us some time before we finally met in person. Even before I met him in real life I got an inkling (from his emails) that he could be someone that I would get along really well with. At that point I didn't even care what he looked like as I was already attracted to him just for his personality. And so we met up to discuss business ideas and it was like torture. Why why why?! It's so rare that I meet someone that I really like who is genuinely nice, who isn't a jerk/loser/player/user/etc and I just KNOW that we'd get along really well... But alas, he already has a longterm gf. I don't know what to do. I mean we could really help each other in our line of work but if I spend time with him I'm just gonna have stronger feelings (which I can't make go away). I would never act on them or do anything but at the same time.... If I stop all contact with him I think that would weird him out and he would wonder why, and then we'd both lose a really good partner for our work/career. I just don't know what to do. I hate this. Why can't I meet someone exactly like him but who is single? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Why can't I meet someone exactly like him but who is single? I think if you keep this guy in your life in any way, your chances of meeting some like him who is single are much, much less. Link to comment
ANYC Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 You just have to either step away and move on or keep him in your life and bite your tongue If you ever tryed to act on them and he reciprocated thats only unearthing something that you might not consider to bad! As pl3ase said though, keeping him in your life means any guy you meet will have to meet the same standards or more and its very unlikely you'll find someone similar by comparing them to him! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 You just have to either step away and move on or keep him in your life and bite your tongue If you ever tryed to act on them and he reciprocated thats only unearthing something that you might not consider to bad! As pl3ase said though, keeping him in your life means any guy you meet will have to meet the same standards or more and its very unlikely you'll find someone similar by comparing them to him! What I really meant was that if a good guy comes along and finds out she's close to this married guy she has feelings for he'll run for the hills. Link to comment
Sirenia Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 He's not married. The thing is... I often fall for guys who do nice things for me. Not all the time, but often. And he suggested so many things to help me with my life and my career etc... I honestly think he's just nice (I don't think he has any feelings for me). Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Well, let logically go through your options. There are really only a handful and you can pick which one you want to do: 1) Tell him your feelings. Since he has a long term GF and is what seems to be a good guy, this will likely result in him cutting you out of his life 2) Stop all contact with him. You would be able to get over your feelings fastest this way. 3) Go Light Contact. Don't meet up with him anymore, stick to emails etc. You will not get over him as fast. 4) Stick around and silent suffer hoping that his relationship will fall apart and you can pick up the piece after. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 It sounds as though you've got a bit of a crush on him because he's been kind to you. If your relationship is primarily professional, just keep it that way, no need to do anything to weird him out. Your crush will fade in time, as you get to know him more and more as a person, rather than someone you've put on a pedestal - especially if he's committed to his partner and isn't interested in your sexually. Heck, the honeymoon period in relationships fades eventually, even when the highly romantic feelings are mutual! If you have a long-term pattern of falling for guys who are unavailable, it may be because you have issues around intimacy. Finding someone unavailable on whom to focus can be an unconscious way of not looking at our own fears in this area, because we're never threatened by someone trying to get too close. Good luck, whatever! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Is there a way to keep professional contact mostly over phone/email so you don't have to see him in person? Link to comment
Sirenia Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for the advice. He's not the only guy I currently have a crush on (the other one is single). I feel like I'm back in high school again, developing all these stupid crushes. moontiger - I don't think I'll do 1 or 4, so it'll most likely be 3. nutbrownhare - I don't think it's necessarily that I have crushes on unavailable guys, but that when I'm feeling a bit needy and vulnerable I develop a crush on someone who is 'around' in my life and who is nice to me, whoever that may be. Batya33 - No, we would need to see each other to do what we do.. it's not just talking to discuss ideas and advice but it's hands on work. I think I would get over him very quickly if someone else came into my life... I mean someone who was available and who was interested in me. I don't really develop crushes on guys if I am actively dating someone (because in my subconscious I am not looking). Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for the advice. He's not the only guy I currently have a crush on (the other one is single). I feel like I'm back in high school again, developing all these stupid crushes. . Your efforts would be better spent going after the single guy you have a crush on, rather than waisting anymore time thinking about the taken guy. Link to comment
Sirenia Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 That's true and actually I met the other guy way before the taken guy and also like him more.. but I can only do so much right? Link to comment
pokerface81 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I think stay away Sorry! I'm married with a baby and recently a guy I was in love with (still love and always will) came back into my life and told me he loves me and has for years and it had been eating him up, he couldn't keep it to him self any longer and just knowing his true feelings has put doubts in my mind about my marriage. We have started a kind of affair (mainly via phone a couple visits) and now I'm at my wits end and I just wish my life could be back to the way it was before he told me his feeling, but those words can't be taken back. So just be careful Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I think stay away Sorry! I'm married with a baby and recently a guy I was in love with (still love and always will) came back into my life and told me he loves me and has for years and it had been eating him up, he couldn't keep it to him self any longer and just knowing his true feelings has put doubts in my mind about my marriage. We have started a kind of affair (mainly via phone a couple visits) and now I'm at my wits end and I just wish my life could be back to the way it was before he told me his feeling, but those words can't be taken back. So just be careful You should tell your husband you still love this guy and always will and that you're now in contact and having what you call a kind of affair and let him decide if he wants to stay married to you. Why do you think you're entitled to control the situation by hiding these facts from your husband? Link to comment
pokerface81 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 pl3asehelp - your very quick to judge Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 pl3asehelp - your very quick to judge Thanks, though this one is about as easy as it gets. It's not like it's my personal opinion that married people should be faithful and not lie to their spouse - those are pretty much expected conditions of a marriage unless you guys have agreed on some other definition. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I think stay away Sorry! I'm married with a baby and recently a guy I was in love with (still love and always will) came back into my life and told me he loves me and has for years and it had been eating him up, he couldn't keep it to him self any longer and just knowing his true feelings has put doubts in my mind about my marriage. We started having an affair (mainly via phone a couple visits) and now I'm at my wits end and I just wish my life could be back to the way it was before he told me his feeling, but those words can't be taken back. So just be careful fixed...... Link to comment
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