What the frak. Hurt.

[SpottiOtti]

I posted a thread here awhile back about my friend who I was living with, whose boyfriend made me feel uncomfortable (locked my door when we were home alone together) and who was abusive to her. I got great advice from everyone; I felt unsure if moving out would be wrong and abandoning her, but everyone said I had to have my own back. I've since moved out with my BF and everything is great on that front; but I've been reaching out lately to the friend and not getting much back. Tried to make plans once and I had to cancel cause I got called in to work; tried to reschedule for the following weekend and she said, "IDK if I have this or that to do for work; I'll let you know" and then never got back to me. Hasn't called or texted to catch up at all, so I kinda feel like maybe I should leave her alone and if my friendship was impt she'd reach out too?

 

Tonight I saw her with a couple of mutual friends and she acknowledged me by look only and didn't say "Hey" or anything. They were going to another bar and she didn't invite me or anything. IDK, it's like she just ignored me pretty much. Hurt my feelings.

 

I guess we weren't as good of friends as I thought. We've known each other for 11 years and we lived together.

 

Let me have it. What did I do wrong here? Am I making assumptions? Have I not myself done enough? Am I super sensitive because of the sitch when I moved out? I didn't tell her that her abusive BF was the reason for the move, because I was afraid she would tell him and we would get into it while I was still living there (he and I had a couple instances where we had words and one screaming match). But other people we know, know that's why I moved out.

[Fudgie]

It's possible that word got around that you left because of her abusive BF. Maybe she's hurt over that? That's my best guess. I'm glad you're out of that situation though even if you lost her as a friend. She's not worth risking your safety.

[SapphireNoir10]

I agree with the above. Sadly she can only help herself. If she is not willing or ready to leave him and you've tried being there for her there isnt much you can do.

 

I imagine you may hear from her again when she needs you help to pick up the pieces. I'd be there for her if she does. We all make mistakes. She may be embarassed or ashamed of her situation.

 

But like Fudgie said. You had to look after YOURSELF and your safety. She is choosing to stay with him, you chose to remove yourself which is the best choice.

[SpottiOtti]

Thanks guys. I think you might be right about others telling her what I said. I didn't want her to be able to fool them; I wanted other people to know what was going on in that house. I sort of wanted her to know that's why I left, too, I have to admit. I should have examined my motives before I told the two people I told, and thought about the consequences of my words. This is what happens when we shoot from the hip when we're hurting.