benkuske Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 So there's plenty of advice on when a girl flakes on you, but what if it's not the first or second date, or first or second flake? What I mean is: * Get number * Flake on first meet * Meet up * Flake on second meet * Meet up * Meet up * Flake * Flake * I ignore, she pursues * I cancel meet up (but early notice) * She pursues * She pursues * Meet up * Flake ^^ The last one happen today and was a text 5 minutes before we were suppose to meet... "Hey I'm not feeling very good... we might have to rain check". From experience, she always comes back around after a flake, sometimes the next day, sometimes a few days later with "hey I'm so so sorry about..." or "I'm really sorry it didn't work out..." "I still really want to...". From talking to her I know she has both fear and trust issues from past relationships (the last guy she dated for a year+ literally just moved to a different state, defriended her and never said why, just went MIA with no communication; her sister and best friend died of cancer when she was only 18, etc.). She's told me straight up it's hard for her to let new people in because it opens her up to hurt, rejection, etc. I really do feel for her, but regardless, at this point, its getting annoying. Yes there are other people I'm interested in, and I certainly don't feel like she's the only girl out there. At the same time despite this she is probably the girl I am most interested in, there is something about her that I really like. That said, I am aware this is problematic for any relationship, romantic or not. Especially since I have heard she can be like this with her friends at times as well. So no, I am not sold, but frankly I love spending time with her when actually shows up... and she has been hurt before and is super sweet and fun when I'm actually with her. So besides simply ditching her, what's the best way to respond to this at this point? To just ignore the flaking text? (no response). Be terse but polite? (hope you feel better soon). Sympathetic? (sorry you're not feeling well I understand, hope you feel better soon) To stand up but be patient (Hey, this happen multiple times now, and I said no to other stuff today to spend time with you. I really do understand if you're not feeling well, but giving me a 5 minute heads up and not even calling isn't very respectful to me. You're beautiful and sweet and I love spending time with you, but this seems to be a pattern. I hope you feel better soon, and I would very much like to see you again, but not if this happens again) To call her out (Hey, I don't think so on the raincheck. Canceling on me 5 minutes before, without a phone call, is really disrespectful to me and to my time. I really do hope you feel better though.") - and then only respond if she seems very apologetic and wants to pursue? Thanks for advice. Oh, women. Link to comment
boo121 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Hey, I don't think so on the raincheck. Canceling on me 5 minutes before, without a phone call, is really disrespectful to me and to my time. I really do hope you feel better though. Yes, the above is what you should be saying... most guys would have not given this many chances by now and - its not the first time, maybe add if this happens again this probably won't work out. I also dont think your being nasty, your saying what you honestly feel, in a direct way that's not too over the top. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 flush! date the other woman in your life. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 That's too many flakes. I'd throw that fish back in the sea. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Your best bet is to be honest, wish her well and move on. She's simply not relationship material. Link to comment
findingmeandyou Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Sounds very similar to an experience I just had with a girl. I would not be surprised if she a few guys in her stable, or she has a bf and is cheating on him. In any case, she's not respectful of you, and that's all you need to know. Bro, time to say NEXT! Link to comment
allcity Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Yeah, DELETE! Move on! Next! Situations like this are lose-lose. If you give her the benefit of the doubt, you look like a chump and she knows she can keep you on hold whenever she likes (which, by the way, she probably already realises...sorry man). And if you delete her number then you lose the chance for more dates, since you did have fun when she bothered to show up. There is an alternative, though. Just play the game right back at her. It never fails, as you've already seen. You don't seem the type though (which is a good thing), so keep pride intact and forget this one. When you meet a woman that says she has issues with trust it usually means one of two things. Either she's not really that into you, is seeing someone else and is spinning you a line. Or she's genuinely got trust issues and you're in for a rough ride dealing with them. Either way, unless you're prepared to put in serious work with very little chance of success, you're best off moving on. Link to comment
DN Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Tell her you are moving on and why - perhaps this will be the wake up call that she needs. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 The key word in your whole post is 'inconsistent'. Why would you even want someone you can't count on in your life on ~any~ level? Head high. Link to comment
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