What should I do?

[ThomasP]

I've been with this girl for 1 1/2 months now. We were friends prior to us dating, but we both finally decided to confess how we felt. Prior to this, I told her how I felt about her, she felt the same way but wanted us to continue being friends before anything happened.

Fast forward to a month and 1/2 ago, we started dating. We both agreed to be exclusive after the second week, since we both already knew one another.

 

I really like this girl and I have and love doing everything I can to make her happy.

There is one issue though...she is ALWAYS busy. Whenever I ask her to hang out/on a date, one of many things happens:

1. She says she can't because she needs to study; this happens during the quarter, during breaks, heck it even happens when she doesn't have exams or anything she really needs to study for.

2. She says maybe, which is followed by an "I can't" 9/10 times.

3. She say yes, I plan a date, and one of the following happens:

3A. She cancels last minute/night before

3B. She asks me to limit the amount of time we're spending together on that date, typically to the point where we would barely have enough time to do anything after actually arriving at the place

 

I understand that school is important, but in a way, I feel neglected. She's either studying, helping her mom, or hanging out with a friend (she has cancelled on me or told me she's busy to spend time with friends, which I understand since some of her friends come and go during break).

I basically get whatever scraps of time she has left.

I confronted her about this and her answer was, "I'm sorry but the truth is I'm always going to be busy until graduation, I'm still going to be like this afterwords, until I finish my PhD."

 

I respect that she has her priorities straight...but how can I be with someone who never has time for me.

In the past month and 1/2 I have spent time with her, on her terms:

1. It's almost always after 7:00 PM, for whatever reason

2. I have spent time with her and her family during family events and she has done the same with mine

3. She used to ask me to plan dates out, but when I did, she'd cancel or limit our time. Now she doesn't really try to spend time with me.

 

I honestly don't know what to do. I really like her, and I'm at the point where I think I may love her. It just bothers me to hear all of my friends talk about what they are/will be doing with their girlfriends/boyfriends and how they seem them 3-5 times a week.

 

So what are my options?

For now, all I can think of is breaking up with her, even though I really don't want to.

[DN]

You are last on her priority list even after her friends, and cancelling on you is very rude and disrespectful. That is not the basis for a relationship. I think you should dump her and move on to someone else.

[annie24]

She's tellin you she won't have time for you for the next 7 years. Yeah, I'd break it off.

[FYI]

This is a waste of your time.

[metrogirl]

Another vote for breaking it off. I get people are busy, hell we all are busy but we also make time for the people in our lives that we want to spend time with.

[ThomasP]

Thanks everyone, I'm going to give it another 2 weeks and see what happens.

It's funny because she is the one who mentioned we should have 1-2 date nights every week so that we can see each other.

 

If things don't change in the next two weeks, I'll break it off.

Any more advice is appreciated.

[ThomasP]

Any more advice?

I got to hang out with her yesterday, but I was there to watch over her since she was sick. We're supposed to meet up tomorrow, but again she's limiting our time.

[annie24]

I think you deserve a real relationship, with someone who WANTS to spend time with you, not hold you at arm's distance. I was a double science major in college, and I did a PhD, so I know that the time committment is intense, but I also know that if you want a relationship, you can make the time for it.

 

Honestly, I would break up and find someone who wants to be with you and spend time with you.

[ThomasP]

Thanks Annie. Ultimately, I think that's what may end up happening.

 

Just an update. Over the past week and 1/2 we've been talking. We seem to get a long very well, but there's this little "speck" of tension.

When we're both happy, and nothings wrong, we get along great. I always have a smile on my face, and at times wonder if I actually love this girl.

But when she does something that bothers me, I get extremely annoyed. There's some tension, and she ends up finding a way to pin the blame on me. I swallow my pride and apologize to avoid escalating the argument (I have decided never to do this again).

 

2 days ago she canceled our weekend plans again (she's spending time with her parents...).

I told her it was fine, and that I would take her out in 2 weeks (I'll be out of town next week). Then she said something that surprised me. Apparently since the semester is going to begin, she doesn't intend on us spending any time together, outside of school. I am taking 3 more units than her and am more than willing to give her some priority in my life. I know her classes can be intense, but to the point where she can't spend ANY time with me?

 

In the time we've dated, we haven't done anything fun. We go out and eat dinner, that is all. I get whatever scraps of time she can spare. She takes her sister shopping and if I'm lucky and she has time, I can stop by and visit her.

 

I honestly think it's time to end this relationship.

 

Honest answer. Do/did you girls and guys usually begin to limit your time once classes start(ed)? I understand spending less time with someone so you can focus on school, but did/would you spend no time with them, outside of school?