She enjoyed meeting me, and thinks I'm very nice!

[LonelyPast]

But she's looking for somebody more wild and with a bigger personality... I mean, I was talking quite dynamically with body language and gestures about how I do link removed sort of thing for fun, which clearly just isn't very exciting, and I was only able to have her grinning ear to ear with sporadic laughter for 2 hours straight over drinks without any gaps in the conversation. That sort of dialect clearly just isn't enough to garner interest. It's no wonder she, and the last 30 women I've dated, are convinced they can do so much better. So I asked her if there's anything in particular I said or did that might have put her off. She simply told me there was no spark.

 

After following all of the advice I've been able to gather, trying so many different approaches, and sticking with it for 5 years, this is the dating life I continue to have. I sleep alone every night. There is no intimacy, and no hope, but I still have to fake it. **** this. Simply **** it.

[MsAdorkable]

Ok so it seems like you're decent guy. You're outgoing, you're handsome, you do things, you have no problem talking, ok that's good. But on this date (or any of your others for that matter) did you do anything to indicate that you were actually interested in HER? Conversation is part of that so yes I'm hoping that you asked her about herself and her interests and such. But did you offer any compliments, were you at all affectionate, were you sitting closely, etc? I'm asking because that more wild with bigger personality bit sounds like an excuse we ladies give to guys who give us no indication that they're actually happy to be out with us as opposed to any other person. In fact I just had this conversation with a guy I went on one date with and promptly friendzoned, he apparently doesn't want to be stuck there and wanted to know what he did that didn't work for me.

[pippy longstocking]

oh lonely don't give up ....it is the dating world as we know it and your not alone with your story .

 

I loved that pic , your interesting and very easy on the eyes ...you have a lot going for you and its

just getting that chemistry right ...

 

it will happen ...it will

[allcity]

The first thing that springs to mind for me is that, if you've got the same reaction from the last 30 women, maybe you're just not choosing your dates very well. From your two photos and the tone of many of your posts (plus your username) you're clearly a handsome guy and you seem like a kind-hearted, and I'm sure a loyal and interesting man too. But I'd hazard a guess that you're probably slightly shy and maybe overly sensitive too. If this woman is looking for a wild, charismatic guy, then of course you're not going to click with her and create a spark.

 

Have you tried dating people that you usually wouldn't think were your 'type'? Maybe you're too often attracted to women that actually aren't the right fit for you and your personality and that you maybe will always struggle to have much chemistry with? I've known a lot of guys that have struck out time and time again because they're too often attracted to women that just aren't the right fit, personality-wise, for guys like them. And have you tried online dating sites that provide matches based on personality tests etc?

 

And don't think that I'm saying that you're aiming too high and going for women that are out of your league, or that you should 'date down'. I don't believe that anyone is ever out of anyone else's league, it's more about compatibility. Some personality types will always struggle to click with each other and if you're consistently striking out, then that says far more about your choices than it says about you as a person or your attractiveness or potential as a partner.

[LonelyPast]

Well, as far as the conversation goes, I asked her lots of questions about her interests, career, trips, etc. I got her telling me all sorts of stories about her adopted dog, scuba diving in the Bahamas, hiking, a recent interview that required an IQ test, etc. I'd say it was pretty clear that I was interested, and I had her animated and talking about 60% of the time. I'd throw in comments, relate to things, and tease her occasionally about small stuff. There were "OMG I know right!?" moments, laughter, back and forth banter, some philosophical stuff, story telling and all that. I honestly felt that the conversation was one of the best I've had on a first date, and I've had a lot of first dates.

 

Physically, it was a little difficult to show interest. I usually prefer activity dates, as they allow for more motion and physical contact. Moving around, walking side by side, touching each other on the arms and shoulders, etc. I'm a very affectionate person by nature, and desire/initiate physical contact whenever appropriate. Unfortunately, it's a little hard when you're sitting accross the table from somebody. I did what I could, leaning forward, maintaining eye contact, placing my arms towards her, and smiling. I think it was pretty clear I was interested, but you never know.

 

One thing I will say, I usually go in for the kiss if I'm enjoying myself on a first date. I've yet to have anybody turn that down, but I was recently told that tends to startle a lot of women, so I simply went for the hug this time, which was still nice.

[quirky]

I hear you.. I can't make sense of dating, it is so unpredictable. Takes A LOT of resilience not to takes things personally or feel rejected. She said she's looking for someone wilder with a bigger personality. That's cool if that's not you, try not to feel rejected by that. Someone wild could possibly be someone that is a bit off the wall, drinks a bit, does extreme stuff. You are you and that's cool LP.

[MsAdorkable]

Ok all that conversation stuff sounds good and yes that would show interest. The physical stuff on non activity dates needs some work. Yes sitting accross from each other at a table is awkward, but was there an option for you to scoot your chair over so you were closer to her? That's a very clear hint that screams I want to be next to you. When you were leaving the restaurant and walking wherever you were walking did you try to hold her hand, put your arm around her, touch the small of her back, etc? Physical contact doesn't have to be constant on a date, but its presence is important in showing interest. As far as a kiss on a first date I say it depends. If she's standing there looking at you, seeming hesitant to leave....then go ahead and kiss her. If she's hurrying to get away from you or she moves in with a hug first then skip the kiss.

[allcity]

Did you try to hold her hand, put your arm around her, touch the small of her back, etc?

 

If she's not feeling an emotional spark on a first date, then I'd think that kind of intimate physical behaviour would cause far more problems for this guy than anything else. Especially on a first date. No?

[LonelyPast]

Thanks, that means a lot whenever I hear it. All of my friends tell me how loyal I am to them, how I'm such a great guy with so much going for me, etc. etc. and continue to provide encouragement, but I'm starting to feel like none of that actually matters. I am naturally a bit introverted, but I push that envelope, get out and meet people, and confront my social fears. I've gone from not having any friends at all, to managing a 400 member activities club and not being able to schedule everything I want to do with all of the people I've met in the last few years. I don't think it shows at all on dates any more, but perhaps it does. Maybe I'm only kidding myself.

 

Emotionally, I definitely don't have as thick a skin as I'd like. I put that shield up, hide it from others, come home, cry a bit, and post on here. I don't think many of my friends know how hurt I really am by all of these rejections, least of all my dates themselves.

 

I've thought about the selectiveness thing a lot. Physically, I prefer women who are in shape, but I've relaxed this requirement somewhat over the years. My ideal date is still a granola girl who likes to go hiking, climbing, and could keep pace with me, but I've dated a few homebodies, overweight women, and fashion-conscious folks (usually a turn off to me, as it depicts a certain lifestyle that I'm not interested in). It didn't seem to make much of a difference as far as their interest level in me went. As far as personality goes, I've found myself on dates with folks who were introverted, domineering, friendly, jubilant, rude, polite, indifferent, engaged, disconnected, spiritual, scientific, pragmatic, spontaneous, driven, indecisive, fearful, adventurous, and everything in between. It's mostly online dating, so it's an absolute crapshoot how people end up being in person. I'm certainly not restricting myself to one personality type. All I know is, when I feel like there could be a connection there, they tell me there isn't.

 

If there's some deeper and consistent reason why things never work out (aside from horrendously bad luck), I just can't figure it out. I've started asking, and either nobody will tell me, or they don't know either. I'm not giving up, but it's damn frustrating!

[allcity]

See, you're clearly a very emotionally healthy guy and also you don't whine and moan and make no effort to better yourself. You're clearly trying to carve a good life for yourself. That says a lot about your potential.

 

Some people just have a lot of bad luck in dating and often it really is nothing more than luck. I know men and women that are gorgeous, great company and amazing partners that never seem to meet Mr/Ms. Right, while I know plenty of unnattractive (physically and personality-wise) a-holes that have never been single for more than a week in their whole adult lives. Some people just walk into the right room at the right time more than others do.

 

I've also known a lot of men that were very much like you and that struggled for years with loneliness and never having much success at dating. And then one day they all did walk into the right room at the right time and met their Ms. Right and lived happily ever after (so far at least).

 

We each have our trials in life to deal with and for some people that means having to deal with rejection and loneliness for a while. It doesn't mean it'll be forever though. Keep your head up, man. You'll be fine! Rejection always sucks but it doesn't have to define or break you. Besides, being single is awesome too. Wait until you do get married and you'll have a whole new appreciation for the freedom you've got right now

[MsAdorkable]

If she's not feeling an emotional spark on a first date, then I'd think that kind of intimate physical behaviour would cause far more problems for this guy than anything else. Especially on a first date. No?

 

From what the OP said it seems she told him after the date that she wasn't interested and he's wondering what he could have done differently during. Now if she was open to the possibility of things working out on the date then yes physical contact would have been welcomed and probably encouraged, since he didn't do much here that's why I was suggesting that slight change may have helped him. If she weren't into him early on then she would have avoided contact with him, but at least he would have done everything he could have to make his interest in her clear.

[LostInMyThoughts]

If there is no spark, there is no spark.

 

If you've been on 30 first dates, but haven't sealed the deal, you clearly don't have a problem meeting women. So I salute you for that.

 

So you have no problem filling the funnel, now we just have to work on your conversion rate.

 

I'm just gonna take some stabs in the dark.

 

Of the dates you've been on, have you ever shut a place down?

 

Do you think you might be a little too perfect? You're attractive, fit, like outdoor activities, funny, probably really nice. Women like a challenge (even if they say they don't).

 

Do you ever make a small minor joke about the girl? Sometimes, if done correctly, it can make them smile. Over do it, and well you'll be drycleaning your shirt.

 

When you go on dates, do you reveal anything personal about yourself? Something like that can create intimacy.

 

I wonder if you'd have more success getting to know women first, and letting them get to know you better, before you go out with them. Since you're really successful with getting dates, maybe you can use that as just a way to pass the time, until you meet someone and build a rapport with them.

 

You said you try to end with a kiss. Do your dates ever give you a hint that they had fun and want to go out again?

[allcity]

From what the OP said it seems she told him after the date that she wasn't interested and he's wondering what he could have done differently during. Now if she was open to the possibility of things working out on the date then yes physical contact would have been welcomed and probably encouraged, since he didn't do much here that's why I was suggesting that slight change may have helped him. If she weren't into him early on then she would have avoided contact with him, but at least he would have done everything he could have to make his interest in her clear.

 

Yeah, that's true. I'm always a proponent for leaving the physical until later though and instead building attraction through emotional intimacy first. I find it's always better to ratchet up the attraction over a few dates until the point where your date's almost set to rip your clothes off, before you actually make any physical move.

 

You're right though, it's a fine line and has the potential to backfire if done incorrectly. That's why I recommend guys get better at flirting and at creating sexual chemistry. Without that, any attempt at physical contact could just creep their date out. A build up of emotional intimacy makes the physical intimacy that much more fulfilling when it happens.

[Ms Darcy]

I talked with my boyfriend about this post and we discussed this a little bit. I'll share advice as "we" just because this is a mix of our opinions.

 

We think it is important that you have a very clear picture of the kind of girl you want to be with. You talked about wanting someone who hikes, climbs, and can keep up with you. We think that is a good thing to want someone who is physically active, but you want to think moreso about the value-system the other person has. What are a few (not an exhaustive list) of core values you have and then search for a woman with them. We would also say be open to the girl not 'looking' the way you might think of for your ideal girl. It's about making a connection.

 

We think you might not be discerning enough about who you go out with and you should do more connecting with women in real life. Leverage your social groups to meet women and let your friends know you are interested in dating so they can keep an eye on women who seem to share your core values. Online dating is a good supplement, but it is not a good primary way to meet women.

 

Out of curiosity, when they say there is no spark, do you feel like it is your fault there is no spark? Were you feeling a spark with them? What is your perspective on that? Good luck.

[catfeeder]

Are you possibly trying too hard, like a used car salesman?

 

Dunno. I like the idea of meeting men for a quick coffee rather than trying to pull off an entire date before we've established whether there's chemistry or not. From there, I can appreciate some nervousness because I'm a little nervous, too.

 

But I can't stand a tap dancer.

 

If a guy strikes me as generally relaxed with himself and comfortable in his own skin, then that's where the 'wow' factor comes from. A guy who tries too hard? That just leaves me feeling an uncomfortable 'ick,' and for me that's the opposite of chemistry.

 

I wouldn't hang it up, but I'd tap dance for no one. The goal for me would be more about learning whether I'm attracted to my date than whether or not I can 'win' his affection. Either we click, or we don't. If not, it's just two perfectly good pieces of a puzzle that don't fit together--not his 'fault'. Not mine, either.

 

If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

 

Head high.

[mines]

OP, I don't get any of these women (that you've dated) at all. You're hot, you're in shape. You're intelligent. Articulate. Pleasant. And....you're into big adventure! I'd be happy to go climbing with you; do you run? We could run marathons, or ultras!

 

Not sure if you've already stated this or not....but have you ever tried fitness based websites? Honestly I haven't done online dating but I get lots of ads due to all of my running/fitness interests, so I know they have fitness based dating sites.

 

Was about to ask you if you exude confidence....but I remember that pic of you hanging off of a mountain (where were you???) so how can a man like you, NOT exude confidence? It is the key, after all.

 

I wish you the best. You are great, you deserve a great girl. Don't give up.

[DanDee]

OP, I don't get any of these women (that you've dated) at all. You're hot, you're in shape. You're intelligent. Articulate. Pleasant. And....you're into big adventure! I'd be happy to go climbing with you; do you run? We could run marathons, or ultras! .

 

Maybe that's the problem... OP seems like he has his stuff together and is ready to settle down, and these women don't want that yet? He doesn't represent enough of a challenge, possibly.

 

What are your energy levels like on these dates OP? Do you do most of the listening because you're quite shy or do you talk more, or is it equal?

[LonelyPast]

Of the dates you've been on, have you ever shut a place down?

 

Eh? You mean turned down a suggested meeting place? I can't say that I have, but I end up having to choose 90% of the time. Mostly I'm just relieved when a woman suggests an activity or spot instead of waiting for me to make the move. To be fair, I usually ask them out on the 2nd/3rd message or initial phone call these days, so I might not be giving them much of a chance to.

 

Do you think you might be a little too perfect? You're attractive, fit, like outdoor activities, funny, probably really nice. Women like a challenge (even if they say they don't).

 

I'm far from perfect, but perhaps I am coming off that way. I've heard women complain before that they never get into any arguments with their boyfriends and really want some more tension in their relationships (which guess I understand, but completely disagree with). Is this really a thing on first dates though!? I've made efforts not to be too nice and to demonstrate that I have a backbone, and actually gotten in trouble for them. There was a girl whom I went out to dinner and a movie with recently. Rather than conferring with her about where we should sit, I just led her up to a row that looked good and sat down in it. It was a conscious decision to show that I could be decisive and not have to rely on her or appease her over every little thing. Likewise, after the movie, she needed to go to the bathroom, so I walked down the stairs to the doors to wait for her there since I didn't want to give off a super-clingy "waiting like a puppy at the restrooms" impression. When she didn't want to go on a second date I asked her for feedback and she specifically mentioned both of these things as seeming disinterested in her. Oh well.

 

Do you ever make a small minor joke about the girl? Sometimes, if done correctly, it can make them smile. Over do it, and well you'll be drycleaning your shirt.

 

PUAs call this 'neg'ing right? Yeah, I tease them sometimes, but never to excess. The girl I dated last night was an engineer for instance, so I made a couple of minor jokes about her overanalyzing things, each of which got a laugh.

 

When you go on dates, do you reveal anything personal about yourself? Something like that can create intimacy.

 

Of course. Again, not to excess. I used to tell them my whole life story on the first date. Now I just make allusions to it and let them wonder. Ooooh, mysterious! *groans*

 

I wonder if you'd have more success getting to know women first, and letting them get to know you better, before you go out with them. Since you're really successful with getting dates, maybe you can use that as just a way to pass the time, until you meet someone and build a rapport with them.

 

I'm assuming you mean in real life? I'd like for it to work this way. I really would! That's how the only relationship I've ever had got started. I'm still waiting for lightning to strike twice. Mostly I just establish rapport with girls, only to find out sooner or later that they've already got boyfriends! My major (computer science) and primary interest (rock-climbing) are both very male dominated, which doesn't help much either. I thought school clubs would be a good way to break out, and it's certainly helped my social life and resume, but I mostly became a sort of team father figure. Me, the late 20's something guy doing all the organizing while the underage girls ran around with each other and had fun. I have plenty of female friends, but none of them are single. I'm still waiting for that cliche advice about them hooking me up with their friends to come true, but most of their friends, in turn, are either males, in relationships, lesbians, or living too far away. *sigh*

 

You said you try to end with a kiss. Do your dates ever give you a hint that they had fun and want to go out again?

 

Yes! Whether they mean it or not, they usually say something to that effect in the moment. What mostly happens though is I'll never hear back from them when I try to set something up, or they'll reject me the next day by text. Sometimes they'll be multi-dating, and inform me that they've decided to become exclusive with somebody else. Sometimes they get too busy and the connection fades before we can act on it. Other times they just turn out to be insane. Once in a blue moon, an actual second date might happen, but they'll often be really cold for no explicable reason, or I might just not be feeling it myself (that's fair, right?).

 

What are a few (not an exhaustive list) of core values you have and then search for a woman with them.

 

•Non-smoking

•No drugs

•Wants / might want kids some day

•No kids right now

•Exercises in some way shape or form

•Monogamous

•Supportive

•Honest

•Liberal

•Non-Denominational

•Affectionate

•Kind to strangers

 

We think you might not be discerning enough about who you go out with and you should do more connecting with women in real life. Leverage your social groups to meet women and let your friends know you are interested in dating so they can keep an eye on women who seem to share your core values. Online dating is a good supplement, but it is not a good primary way to meet women.

 

I will continue to try!

 

Out of curiosity, when they say there is no spark, do you feel like it is your fault there is no spark? Were you feeling a spark with them? What is your perspective on that? Good luck.

 

About 25% of the time it's so obvious that neither one of us needs to say it, so we go our separate ways. Perhaps 50% of the time it's mutual. The other 25% of the time I'm caught off guard, since everything seemed to have gone great. These are the instances that really get to me.

 

Thanks!

 

Are you possibly trying too hard, like a used car salesman?

 

It comes and goes in waves. I give up for a while, focus on myself, get incredibly lonely, come back at it, spend a few days sending messages, spend a week replying to them and setting up dates, go through the rejections, feel bruised and battered, and give up again. I do try in earnest when I'm 'on', but I'm aware that desperation stinks, so I try to play it as cool and detached as I can while still being very hopeful internally. Perhaps it shows anyway, but what else can you do?

 

OP, I don't get any of these women (that you've dated) at all. You're hot, you're in shape. You're intelligent. Articulate. Pleasant. And....you're into big adventure! I'd be happy to go climbing with you; do you run? We could run marathons, or ultras!

 

Thank you! That's not the first time I've heard that from women living elsewhere. Sometimes I think I just need to leave Seattle and whatever social climate might be causing me such grief.

 

I'm getting into running this year since a lot of my friends are into it. I've got some awesome hobbies, but don't get me wrong, I'm no superhero! Just starting with 5Ks off the bench here. I will run a marathon some day though!

 

Not sure if you've already stated this or not....but have you ever tried fitness based websites? Honestly I haven't done online dating but I get lots of ads due to all of my running/fitness interests, so I know they have fitness based dating sites.

 

Nope. Haven't heard any testimonies either, so I'd be hesitant to try. Finding fit women hasn't been a problem. It's been finding fit women that I'm mutually compatible with!

 

Was about to ask you if you exude confidence....but I remember that pic of you hanging off of a mountain (where were you???) so how can a man like you, NOT exude confidence? It is the key, after all.

 

It depends on the situation, but most of the time yes. I can actually get a bit cocky with it if I go too far. I've often pondered how tragically hilarious it would be if I went full spectrum from video game playing basement dweller to mountain conquering pompous ass without ever running into a balanced success point in the middle!

 

I wish you the best. You are great, you deserve a great girl. Don't give up.

 

Thank you. You too! Though I'd assume it's a great guy you're looking for.

 

Do you do most of the listening because you're quite shy or do you talk more, or is it equal?

 

I'm still an introvert at heart (alone time recharges me to an extent), but that no longer means I'm shy. If I'm really digging somebody, I tend to have a lot to say, and have to make a conscious effort to hold my tongue a little and listen. In these instances, I try to let them talk perhaps 60% of the time, since most women seem to value good listeners. That being said, if they've got nothing to say at all (which does happen), I can hold up the conversation on my own, to a point. My ex would sometimes get really quiet and tell me to just keep talking to her so she could listen to my voice. That always made me feel good. *sigh*

[Gilson]

I got the same form letter/PFO email overnight regarding my date yesturday afternoon.

 

Let's see if I get it right..."enjoyed meeting you today ", "obviously a really nice guy", and "nice spending some time together". However, "feel that there is the potential for a romantic connection."

 

Whatever.

 

For me it's annoying when they sugar coat things because those statements just tell me it's worthwhile to at least have a second date or share common interests. But they say they don't want to meet again. Frustrating.

 

I'd rather they tell me what the deal breaker was. I know what my really big deal breaker is which right now is out of my control and try to put a positive spin on it, but it doesn't work.

[catfeeder]

Regarding possibly trying too hard, you write:

 

It comes and goes in waves. I give up for a while, focus on myself, get incredibly lonely, come back at it, spend a few days sending messages, spend a week replying to them and

 

>>setting up dates, go through the rejections, feel bruised and battered,

 

and give up again. I do try in earnest when I'm 'on', but I'm aware that desperation stinks, so I try to play it as cool and detached as I can while still being very hopeful internally. Perhaps it shows anyway, but what else can you do?

 

I've marked the part you've glossed over, but this is the exact part where I meant 'trying too hard'--on the date itself. Where you talk about being 'on' gets missed right here, and the problem could be that you're running ~over~ your dates.

 

Here's an example from my own life. I have a friend, Jim, who was my neighbor. He was fun, got along great with everyone, nice looking, and we had great phone conversations--relaxed, funny, shared political views, simpatico. Then I'd see him in person, and frankly, he exhausted me.

 

Jim was so 'on' that he controlled our conversations and turned our time into The Jim Show. He would fire questions at me but barely paused for my answers, which I could tell he barely heard. He thought he was fabulous because he kept me laughing, but I was being polite--my face hurt, and the last of my energy was spent wishing he would relax.

 

If you're too 'on,' then you could be blocking a flow of give and take and not allowing a ~natural~ rhythm to form between the two of you. That's a chemistry killer.

 

I'd make dates less about 'impressing' and more about curiosity and allowing a natural pace. Listen more. Not the kind of listening that wants to pounce on date's last word, but the kind of relaxed listening that allows for some silences and ensures that your date has completed her thought. Beyond a sentence or two. Date shouldn't feel like it's a battle against your fabulousness to avoid getting chopped off. If you're controlling the dialog, that's not chemistry, it's a snuff out.

 

Meditate before a date. Slow down and demo maturity with no need to run over someone in order to shine. Allow your date to shine, and you'll BOTH feel fabulous.

 

Head high, and allow all wrong matches to pass early. It only takes One.

[Gilson]

I had to be "on" during my date yesturday because she was so nervous she was practically trembling. Not at all as relaxed and confident as our email exchange.

 

I'm not normally the type that asks a lot of probing questions. I usually let women ask questions, give my answer and ask them questions on the same subject. But yesturday these roles were completely reversed. A complete 180 from my date last weekend where she controlled the conversation.

 

Yesturday she was as quiet as a church mouse and perhaps in hindesight, I should've been a little more reserved. Perhaps I startled her.

[LonelyPast]

This may be just the advice I need. I'll be trying this on today's date!

[allcity]

Another date already?! I assume you're getting these dates online, so if you're having so much success attracting women with your photos and online chats, then have you ever looked at what you do so differently online vs. IRL?

 

I know the two are totally different ways of communicating, but if you're managing to be so successful with one form of contact and yet are failing so dramatically with another, then there could be huge lessons for you to learn there.

 

Maybe all it'll take is to carry accross your 'successful' behaviour from one form of communication to the other. It's not like you can't even get a date in the first place, so the key to your success is probably in your hands already.

[Gilson]

Another date already?! I assume you're getting these dates online, so if you're having so much success attracting women with your photos and online chats, then have you ever looked at what you do so differently online vs. IRL?

 

I know the two are totally different ways of communicating, but if you're managing to be so successful with one form of contact and yet are failing so dramatically with another, then there could be huge lessons for you to learn there.

 

Maybe all it'll take is to carry accross your 'successful' behaviour from one form of communication to the other. It's not like you can't even get a date in the first place, so the key to your success is probably in your hands already.

 

I seem to get enough attention with online dating that I could have frequent dates too, even with very attractive women. The thing is that we're all there for the same reason, so half the work is already done and you have a reasonable expectation that they're single.

 

So I don't think getting the dates is the hard part. It's getting the second date that is the hard part.

[allcity]

I'm assuming that getting a date online takes more than just posting a photo and sending a message to say "Let's go out" though? Isn't there a bit of back and forth via email, IM or on the phone to see if you click with each other?

 

If so, then the OP is hitting a home run in that area but has got a 30-0 average in his actual dates, so there's clearly something going wrong from point A to B. I've not tried online dating, though, so maybe I'm missing something?