willdation Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Hi, I would like to know if it is really possible to find someone who will be faithful to you for your entire life, and if so, how to find such a person? After being with someone for so long, what is to prevent them from being unfaithful when someone new, attractive, charming, comes along and gives your partner lots of attention? Maybe sparks start to fly again along with infatuation that many think is love.... Sometimes I just feel that today people do not take their marriage vows seriously, and instead of "until death do us part" it is "until boredom or someone else makes me feel more special/fulfilled.... do us part" Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 There are some people who can. Link to comment
Kamisaur Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Sometimes I just feel that today people do not take their marriage vows seriously, and instead of "until death do us part" it is "until boredom or someone else makes me feel more special.... do us part" It's not gotten worse. If anything, people have become more faithful and their marriage vows more pure. Until the late 1400's, no one in Europe married for love. It was all business transactions. Now you can get divorced or have sex without commitment freely and easily yet people still choose to remain committed. I think that marriage means a lot more than it did back then. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Yes. I have seen many cases that are about real and deep love and lasting passion and commitment that last a lifetime. I have been in love in ways that totally exclude the idea of anyone else... just absolutely not interested in cheating or anyone else. You have that 'filled up' or 'loved up' feeling that means you have no desire to search outside the relationship and no need to, and will do what it takes to nurture and protect that love. Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 A lifetime is a long time and when I look back on my friends' parents who stayed together, I feel like they were a different generation so there is no real data on those of us now in relationships because we're not at the end of our lives (hopefully)! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Yes, people can..everyone can....it is just that not everyone chooses to. Some people are habitual cheaters, some people are no longer in love with their partner but they would like the social and financial perks so they keep the relationship for that and look elsewhere for emotional fulfillment and/or sex. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 A lifetime is a long time and when I look back on my friends' parents who stayed together, I feel like they were a different generation so there is no real data on those of us now in relationships because we're not at the end of our lives (hopefully)! Even in the older generation cheating happened and the betrayed partner chose to remain in the marriage rather than leave. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 The secret ingredient is to know that nobody is perfect first of all. You need a partner in life who you can communicate your every thought feelings without fear however uncomfortable it may be and be accepted understood,loved and respected after. Over the years on this site I have seen an acceptance that passion dies down after the initial high. Personally I believe that is not true. If you share everything with that person then it will bring you closer as a couple and you will never dream of cheating and your sex life can actually get better as you face life together in common unity goals and respect each other. The number one reason for infidelity is disconnection in relationships. It is caused when they do not really respect value each other ot treat each other badly causing resentment. The secret is be kind to be each other. Do not alienate the man woman you are supposed to love. Be committed , love them and lifes challenges will test you both so work together to grow together and become closer. This is the secret to a good marriage where cheating is a ridiculous thought. However if yoy alienate each other and cause resentment with personal attacks then dont be surprised if they share their thoughts with someone who will listen and give them the time of day. Apart from that is if you end up with a serial cheater then you know you have a low self esteem person in your life who reacts to stress by feeding their addiction. I think I have covered it all. Oh one more thing is love needs hard work to grow so if you expect to sit back and let one person pamper you forever then stay single because raising kids and a lifelong commitment is hard work sometimes Link to comment
becomingkate Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I think that it's more difficult for most young people - maybe due to poor impulse control, or because a lot of young people don't know how to deal with resentment in a relationship. As you get older and more mature, you know what you want and you've got experience from previous relationships, and monogamy gets a lot easier. I remember asking my husband about cheating and his experiences when we first started dating, and we were pretty much the same in that we both cheated in our first few long term relationships, but didn't make the same mistakes once we got into our thirties. We've got quite a few "relationship rules" when it comes to the opposite sex, mostly to help us feel secure, but it works for us. Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 One of my best friend's parents met in high school, married at 18, just had their 60th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately her mother just passed away. I worry about her dad. How does someone make that kind of transition? Oh, and neither of them ever cheated. I know I wasn't in their bedroom (gross!) but I just know. They were always together...cruises, church, day trips...they hung out with each other. Imagine never getting sick of someone even after 60+ years. Link to comment
Snny Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 My parents have stayed married for over 30 years. I have been with my fiance for 9 years. Sometimes I just feel that today people do not take their marriage vows seriously, My belief is that people are not prepared to handle a heavy commitment such as marriage and usually marry prematurely. I agree- just like owning a pet or raising a child, marriage is not a lifestyle for everyone. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I think what happens is that people are used to insta everything now. They do not know how to wait for anything and need to be instantly gratified all the time. The minute they meet with any form of dissatisfaction they bail. Years ago there was no instant food, you actually had to make it. You could not track your friends instanteously, you actually had to go look for them. You could not look things up instantly. You had to go find the actual book. You had to WAIT for gratification. Now people wait for nothing and have no patience for anything. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I think what happens is that people are used to insta everything now. They do not know how to wait for anything and need to be instantly gratified all the time. The minute they meet with any form of dissatisfaction they bail. Years ago there was no instant food, you actually had to make it. You could not track your friends instanteously, you actually had to go look for them. You could not look things up instantly. You had to go find the actual book. You had to WAIT for gratification. Now people wait for nothing and have no patience for anything. I agree. We are in a very "fast food" society. People get bored very quickly..they get bored of their ipad and toss the old one for the latest upgrade...same with computers, TVs, smartphones and relationships. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Hi, I would like to know if it is really possible to find someone who will be faithful to you for your entire life, and if so, how to find such a person? Possible to find, yes. People theoretically can be monogamous. However, the question remains of whether it is our nature to be so, or if it is something we force ourselves to do. I think that if you hyperfocus on whether someone will be faithful, and use that as a primary criteria, you might make things hard for yourself. It's impossible to predict what anyone will do. A relationship is a risk, and you have to be willing to take that risk. Link to comment
lotusflowerbom Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I think ppl totally can, many ppl just choose not to. Link to comment
journeynow Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I would like to know if it is really possible to find someone who will be faithful to you for your entire life, and if so, how to find such a person? The important thing is to BE that person, to know for yourself the importance of a vow, your word, your promise, your honesty, your integrity, and to understand the likelihood that you WILL be tempted in your lifetime. It is possible to be faithful, possible for me, possible for others. What's to prevent someone from being unfaithful? Their conscience. I can only speak for myself, though, so I'd say "my conscience". Link to comment
faerietale Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 People cheat when they are unsatisfied and selfish. Can someone be faithful their entire life? Of course, but it's not guaranteed. You can cheat at 18 or at 98. The key is this, SELF CONTROL. If you know your relationship is not working out, end it. If you know you are attracted to someone one else, be honest. If you're not happy, accept it. It's better to walk away then to cause pain to those who love you because of your lack of control and selfishness. I talked to my boyfriends about this first and foremost in the relationship to understand our expectations of each other and to share any concerns or questions. Once that's established, at least that person will know that it's not tolerated and to simply leave instead of cheat. Link to comment
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