Dreams -- Survey

[trishcollins]

I was just wondering what kind of dreams people have about their "exes". I ask because I have dreamt very little about mine in the past four months, and when I do dream, they are all about being back together. What I find really unusual about this, is that after ALL my previous breakups, my dreams reflected the reality of the situation. I was all trying to call or get to my "ex" and couldn't or they were with someone else in my dreams.

 

With my current "ex", I have only dreamt four things now in four months. The first, I dreamt we were standing next to each other. He had his arm around me and his daughter was there, and it was all very relaxing.

 

The second, I dreamt his daughter was asking me why I never come over anymore, and that her mother (her dead mother) had told it was okay for me to be with her father.

 

The third dream I had was simply his truck backed up to my back deck. This probably represented the "chairs" that I had made for our first anniversary. The chairs represented us spending our lives together watching the sunset. I made him take them when he took all his things because they were a gift from me to him, and I told him that if I look out the back door one day and see the chairs back, I know he is back in my life for good.

 

The last dream I had only the other night. I dreamt that at first, he was telling me it was really over and we weren't getting back together (and somewhere deep in my brain, I think I finally went "okay, here it comes), but then something in the dream changed and we were back together, as his new house, and his daughter wanted to take me to some fancy party, and we were one big happy family again.

 

I find it all very weird, since by rights, I should NOT be dreaming about us together, based on several past experiences. This is one reason I think I don't fully accep the finality of the situation. Somehwere deep down, I truly don't believe it's over.

 

Anyone else have any dreams about their exes?

[Sexychiick16]

I cant stop dreaming about my stupid ex and his ugly stupid new girlfriend...Like seriously i dont think of him anymore but he keeps appearing in my dreams with that skant OVER and OVER Agai

 

the dream aALWAYS starts out on the school bus. Hes sitting 2 seets up from me and hes sweettalking his girlfriend and his girlfriend is smiling with her snaggle tooth...After we get off the bus we go in the opposit direction !!

 

the last one i had was just like that ACCEPT he looked real upset about something.

[trishcollins]

Sorry to hear that. I guess that's the one thing we can't escape, our dreams.

[CarterJonas]

I used to dream a lot about mine at the start of the breakup but hardly ever dream about her anymore. The dreams I used to have were of her with other men, although not justified, it was probably what I was afraid of at the time.

 

As the months pass the dreams get less and less until I hardly have any anymore, LIFE GOES ON and must have fun looking

[Empathy]

I had a lot of dreams about us getting back together. Or I'd have dreams that we were still dating and he'd break up with me in a very cold manner. It was like breaking up with him over and over and over again.

[zveric]

I have dreams where I visit her in her old appartment. She appears to me as a kind of shamaness, or wize woman. Usually wearing some sort of hippy chick long robe like she did when I first got together with her, and some sort of crazy head dress thing. she gives me advice. Tells me to be strong.

 

weird huh?

 

I always get to her house by the roof.

[trishcollins]

Very weird, and certainly not the type of thing people usually dream. Sounds like you were very close.

[clodhopper]

I've had several dreams since my boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 months ago. At the start they were all about still being together and we would hang out and do things we used to do. The dreams were really detailed - like we would be eating specific foods we used to eat together, and we would watch specific movies... that kinda thing. We dont have any contact now (well... a week ago we decided not to talk, cuz after the breakup we kept talking on msn, etc. and it got kinda hard), and I wont see him til January (hes not in the same city as me, we broke up over long distance, and hes not back til next semester). Recently I've been thinking a lot about what's gonna happen when I see him again, and I'm scared we won't even be able to be friends again. A couple nights ago I had a dream where we saw each other here in January and I was trying to get close to him and kiss him and be physical, etc. but he kept pushing me away. So now I wonder if that's like foreshadowing what's really going to happen, because I know I'm going to have to try really hard not to get close to him when I see him.

[Sexychiick16]

Thats so weird... I didnt think this many people have weird dreams about their ex or current boyfriend. See i seriously thought i was the ONLY one havin that kind of dream

[raccoon]

I used to have vivid dreams all the time when we were together. I used to wake up in the morning, roll over and tell him what I just dreamt, as he would rub his eyes, look at me, and smile.

 

I don't remember my dreams anymore.

[miss_dyme]

I adnt dreamed of him for ages an i hought wow maybe im starting to accpt it a bit more now...

THEN..

Out of the blue i had a dream that i was in his company we were together ,his nose began to bleed so i said to him 'come on ,lets go clean u up...he then graped his head in his hands and died...i wokeup feelin so emotional...

 

I know it didnt mean he was gonna die,but i really could relate to it ..as in the realtionship was ending...

 

My sis said that it meant that i wasnt over him and that i probably feel like i love him so much...till death even..

 

Hmm very weird!

[MrLonely]

My ex and I went to Disneyworld this past summer, so I dream about that.

 

I also just dream about her - her scent, touch and just being held.

 

(my story - link removed )

 

It is very sad to wake up alone.

[xtine]

I can't stop dreaming about my ex. In my dreams, we are still together and everything is wonderful. I've been having a lot of sex dreams, too, also wonderful and very loving. The worst part is waking up and realizing that it's not real, not at all. It ruins my whole day. I wish I could figure out a way to make them stop.

[rangergurl2]

I've only had two dreams about him and we've been apart for 1 mt 1 week. The first one was that we were teaching together and class ended. He went to go into another classroom and I was walking down the hall. I stopped to talk to him and he gave me a hug. I leaned my head on his shoulder and he turned to me and said that it was over. He was dating someone else and there wasn't any hope for us. My last dream was similar with him telling me it was over again.

 

I wish I could stop my unconscious mind from thinking of him.

[trishcollins]

I have only had two more dreams about him (it's now been five months) and the first one, he told me it was over, but shortly after that he was back and all was good. In the dream I had last night, I dreamed he told me he missed me and couldn't live with out me (although in my dream, apparently we had only been apart for one day).

 

Again, previous breakups have all resulted in dreams like most of you have -- dreaming that they are with someone new, or they are telling you it's over. This is why I am having a hard time accepting it. My "higher" conscious is trying to tell me something.

[gersanos]

I recall 3 dreams that I had, and all 3 were very bizare. This is what I remember from them:

 

1. My pops, a friend of mine, my X, and I were outside at the end of my street. We were on the street, it was night, and her car was just stalled in the middle of the road. The skin on her face was all cracked, and there was blood that filled those cracks. She was very upset and was yelling - but as she yelled pieces of her teeth came flying out and her teeth were slowly eroding/disintegrating. Fastforward a bit, I'm in my room, my brothers gave me a picture of something, and I can still hear her yelling/crying outside of my house, as she was standing on the street by her car in the dark. I finally closed by blinds and went to bed.

 

2. I was at her wedding reception. I was a guest. I never saw her or her husband. The reception was emmaculatly decorated.

 

3. I was in a class with her, sitting a few rows behind her. It was a high school though, one I've never seen before. It was sunny outside. George Kastanza was talking with her and she was laughing. The teacher was speaking with me. Fast forward a bit, and we are driving together in a car, break through some kind of barrier/bridge, and the car falls into a river but we land on a barge. We got out of the car and stood on piles of trash as the barge went through an underpass in a city.

 

I never had a dream of her being with another guy. I was never jealous of other guys talking with her when we were together, never insecure, never possessive, never controlling. Possibly that is why? I'm not sure. Or possibly because these dreams reflected letting go.

 

Side note: we talked about breaking up/making it work, but she gave up in the end. We havn't spoken since. She did tell me that she started to have dreams about us fighting all the time shortly before we broke up. We were fighting quite a bit, making up, fighting again. A friend of mine, who is a doctorate student in psychology now, says those dreams reflect her coping skills on what was going on at the time - that she does not know how to deal with anger and other emotions properly

[trishcollins]

...talking to George Kastanza...

 

Hee, hee! That's funny. Like me, you must be watching too much Seinfeld. I dreamt I was dating Jerry a few weeks back

[Break up Veteran]

My ex dreams seem to run with themes.

 

At first they involved me searching for her. Each night it would be in a different place. I would catch site of her and she would disappear again. Always out of reach. Sometimes in these dreams my friends would be supporting me or helping me in some way.

 

Then I started to have dreams in which she was always telling me off for something night after night.

 

For a while the dreams went back to her being elusive but not quite as elusive as before. This was when we were in contact again for real.

 

Most recently I have had a dream of her saying she wanted me back and another where we seemed to be together again (which was nice while it lasted).

 

The weird thing is that the dreams did actually reflect what was happening over a 7 month period: Losing her, failed reconciliation attempts, seeing her more regularly to the present in which I have imposed NC.

 

I don't read too much into it as she obviously has no wish to get back with me in real life. The human mind is very strange to say the least.

[Break up Veteran]

lol,

 

I had another ex dream last night. It was her and me talking (nicely). Then we were at a party and she told me that at a certain time everyone would be rounded up and chucked out so that the special guests could have their after party? I wondered off and then couldn't find her again, weird. I woke up and tried to get back into the dream again and ended up in another ex dream which I can't remember.

[what24]

when i broke up with my ex 3 years ago, i had dreams. i always dreamt that he was w/ me and my family, and then after a while i stopped dreamng about him, then after few months, i had a dream that he was holding me and looking into the mirror right into my eyes and smiling at me, then another one was few months after that we were holding hands walking around but no one else could see him but me. After that i never had dream about him uptill last month when i dreamt that he called me. ANyway, i was thinking baout him a lot lately since i moved on a year ago after waiting for him for 2 years. Last week he appeared in my life out of no where adn asked for a 2nd chance. And,sadly i couldn't give it to him.

 

i don't know hwat this means but there must be a connection. He stopped calling me again and i am sad.

[trishcollins]

I think on some higher level, we really do know whether someone loves us or not, whether it could work out if they came back and even perhaps if they will come back.

 

I know it's sounds a bit flakey, and it's so NOT like me (logical to a fault), but I have to admit, given the way I dream (or don't dream) about my current "ex" compared to my previous "exes", I am convinced he will come back at some point.

 

The trick however, is for me to convince myself he won't, so I can get on with my life and get past this and be happy again. Taking a chance on meeting someone new may or may not deter them from coming back, but perhaps the reality is, that they also have to take the chance that we won't be available when the do decide to come back.

[trishcollins]

Well, I guess my subconscious finally caught up to me. Last night, for the first time, I dreamed something negative about my "ex". I dreamt I ran into him, and he was with someone else. A very good-looking, together woman. He was obvivously VERY into her, and didn't even notice me. I remember being so angry, but turning around and walking away, saying to myself over and over again "there isn't anything I can do about it". Later in the dream he and I were in the same room, but climbing into separate beds.

 

Wonder what it all means?

 

It probably came out of a conversation I had last night. I had a long chat with a g/f who I hadn't seen in quite awhile. She was in town on business and we got together for dinner. Like most of my friends who saw my ex and I together, she was shocked by the breakup too, calling it tragic and wondering what it will take to get him to finally wake up and realize that he needs help. We talked about him the likelyhood of him dating again (thus the dream), and also how I felt completely helpless ("nothing I can do").

 

Given how quickly he started dating me after his wife passed away (3 months), there is a good chance. Although I know he loves me, I know I was a definite destraction from his pain. So, I feel that he will do one of two things -- put on blinders and just go through the motions of living until his kids have moved out, or continue on his voyage of denial about greiving, and not seeking any professional help, getting tired of being alone, and then rather than coming back to me (a sure thing, but now with baggage), and move on to someone new.

 

As my counseller says, all I can do is pray he has a breakdown and finally gets the help he needs.

[sdw]

I had my first real dream about my ex after 3 months. I dreamt we were having sex but it hurt......strange.

[trishcollins]

Okay, after agonizing about the dream where he was "smitten" with someone else, I realized that the woman in the dream was actually me right down to the blonde hair (I am a redhead, but recently highlighted blonde, and my boss calls me "blondie" now)

 

I reviewed why, out of nowhere, I would dream he was seeing someone else, and it became clear. It came out of the conversation I had with my g/f the night before. We had been talking about how others preceived our relationship and she said "it was obvious how much he loved you, you could tell by the way he looked at you -- he adored you". She had been visting for the weekend a month before the breakup.

 

I guess I was seeing that in my dream -- only I was standing there in her shoes while she was looking at us. The "grown-up together" blonde reference about the woman, was from me saying in that same conversation "I am trying so hard to be 'grown-up and together' about this breakup and not make the same mistakes I made in previous breakups that merely drive them away and hurt me more.

 

Finally slipping into two separate beds at the end of the dream, but in the same room, must mean we are still together is some weird way, yet apart right now.

 

I know it sounds like I am grasping at straws and have lost my mind, but I just had to understand why I would dream that. I have not seen him anywhere for 4.5 months, and have no mutual friends telling me anything about him. He certainly doesn't share any info with me, and I have heard nothing about what's happening in his life since Sept. If he is actually dating again, then he is completely nuts, since he didn't want to be in any relationship "for a really long time" because he feels he cannot commit to anyone right now.

 

So, it's my only explanation and I am sticking to it

[Break up Veteran]

You guys do realise that just posting about these things can dredge up the thoughts and actually create more dreams, almost a self fulfilling prophesy!

 

I kid you not. Dreams are weird at the best of times but if you start pulling memories out, you are bound to end up dreaming about them.