I'm the other man

[DN]

I think its so easy for people to judge

Yes, it is. So it should be because deciding whether to cheat or not is also easy. Don't.

[HeartGoesOn]

Im not going to go out of my way to say you are a bad guy, or that you triggered or are at fault for her cheating etc. Shes the one whos married, she took a vow when she got married... not you. So thats on her to deal with.

 

He walked into this knowing she was married, therefore they're both adults who know right from wrong, and are equally responsible for their actions.

[chitown9]

I just hope for the OP's sake that the husband does not own a gun. chi

[Clueless90]

I see this reasoning quite a lot and profoundly disagree with it. To knowingly help someone break their word or do anything reprehensible is just as bad, IMO, as the person doing it. You can't avoid responsibility for wrong-doing by claiming "I didn't promise anything" because you still know it's wrong.

 

I don't know. This guy and the husband didn't make vows to each other, he doesn't owe him anything. The woman is to blame here, no one forced her hand and offcourse the affair wouldn't have happened if she hadn't of been happy to engage in it. ''To knowingly help someone break their vow'', again no one forced her, if someone can come along and she be swayed so easily then she was never really in the marriage anyway and no is at fault besides her.

[DN]

I don't know. This guy and the husband didn't make vows to each other, he doesn't owe him anything.

You don't have to make a vow to someone to be constrained from hurting them or damaging them. You don't have to take vows not to be rude, or selfish, or to refrain from taking advantage of someone in order to keep from doing those things. There are certain behaviours that are morally and ethically wrong whether you make promises regarding them or not.

 

What you owe people is basic human respect and consideration and not to do to them what you would not want them to do to you. Common decency does not require a vow.

[lalalollipops]

^ I know right? What happened to basic courtesy and respect for others?

You'd hate it if it happened to you, so don't go doing this to other people.

There are so many single people, why the need to get with somebody taken? Yikes.

[fiona72]

My ex husband cheated on me all the time and believe me she won't be telling you the truth about them being unhappy and separating and so on she will be telling you what you want to hear

Also what makes you think she isn't a serial cheater ? You may not be the first

Just food for thought that's all

The only person that will get hurt is you because she is leading a double life ... Having her cake and eating it

She probably has a very caring and attentive husband at home who treats her very well ..maybe she's just using you for a bit extra on the side who knows

[JJ2980]

Well maybe you should consider something else from the bible since you're a so-called christian..."Do to others as you would have done to yourself". Think about it - If you were the innocent party and you had a wife whom you had a child with that left you for someone else would you feel good about that? Would you say to the guy cheating with your wife you're "just triggering a long overdue separation between two people who only share their daughter in common" and then give your blessing as they walk off together? Pfffttt what some people will tell themselves to rationalise morally bankrupt thinking and actions.

[siegfri333]

Just a quick note to add the conclusion to this story : everyone here who gave counsel was 100% right. Adulterous relationships lead to nothing but pain and shame for everyone involved.

[Lito]

>Personally three weeks is not a very long time, and I think you are blinded by lust.

 

Yes, I agree with this. Hormones are extremely powerful at this stage; i believe that the notion of love philter in literature is a symbol founded on this irresistible attraction for someone that nothing can stop.. All the more so since you met her practicing a sensual activity based on physical connection with a partner..

 

>If she was that unhappy she would have left before getting involved with a new man.

 

err, no, not necessarily. I don't remember who wrote this here on ENA, but it's spot on:

"Divorce in a messy, emotional, expensive and complicated surgery. Many people don't want to deal with it until they meet other lovers or the marriage gets so toxic it's intolerable."

 

 

>Remember that if she cheated *with* you...she will cheat *on* you.

Err, no, not necessarily, although it's a favorite refrain on ENA..

 

 

Now I do think you need to back off and think, because (1) 3 weeks is just too little to know what is really going on. (2) she needs to decide for herself what she really wants to do with her life. And (3) you are hurting yourself.

 

Sorry, no moral judgment from me, just common sense.

[chitown9]

I think that we all need to keep in mind that this thread is several years old. The OP is simply giving us his update. chi