New Relationship Running Into Trouble

[JT4266]

I've been in a new relationship for almost 3 months now and for the most part things have been great and a lot of genuine emotion and love has developed in just the short time we've been together. We've said we love each other and spent a a lot of time together.

 

Over the last week though things have gotten rough. We weathered Hurricane Sandy here in NYC together quite well. We spent it hunkered down in her apartment and from Sun-Tue we didn't fight and were getting along great. Until Tue night. We went out to meet with her brother and some friends to have a few drinks. Long story short the night ended up her drunk and telling me that she didn't want us and I should leave. Which after trying to talk to her I did. The reasons that she got upset was that a female friend of mine texted me to see how I made out in the storm and we sent 3 texts back and forth. Never mind the fact that 2 of her ex boyfriends from the past few years texted her during the storm and other guys she is "friends" with texted her as well. I'm fairly secure and while I don't enjoy that she is getting texts from guys I don't know and from ex-boyfriends(one of whom was abusive, she ignores his texts) I try to not let it get to me. She is attractive and gets a lot of attention.

 

What I do mind is that she verbally attacked me, saying she couldn't trust me because of my last long term relationship(went on a date with someone while still in relationship) and that I was a ****ty person to have done that). I told her this one month in to our relationship in the effort to be totally open and honest and I know I have to live with the consequences. Nevertheless I went home and was upset the next day as was she. We made up yesterday and she went out to dinner with friends.

 

During dinner(again she was drinking) she was texting back and forth with me and our conversation turned a little dirty. When she was walking home from the restaurant she asked if I had masturbated sitting in my living room. I thought I was playing around and said something along the lines of maybe, maybe not haha. She then proceeded to get really upset. I live with a female roommate and had admitted to her to masturbating on my computer when my roommate is asleep. She was upset and didn't want to talk anymore and sent me several texts after saying things like that she feels she keeps getting disappointed, the we are "quite different and in different stages of our lives" and that she just hung out with a bunch of real mature 30 year olds who want real relationships" and that she got a lot of advice that made her think.

 

So I ended up calling her back and getting her to talk(she just shuts down when upset). I told her I understood that it made her upset for me to masturbate in the open while I have a female roommate in the next room and I apologized. I understand why that would upset her and its disrespectful of me and yes immature but jesus to throw those things out to me in the texts.

 

I'm not sure where to go from here. I am going to do stupid things, say stupid things, make mistakes in a relationship. I'm human not perfect. I told her this. I don't want to be a yoyo wondering what will set her off and make her tell me that she is questioning our relationship. Is this becoming a pattern? Am I setting myself up for this on an ongoing basis.

 

I had high hopes for this relationship. They say you just know when you meet the right person and after years of dating I finally thought I knew what that meant. But I can't have the entire relationship questioned when things go right. Thoughts and comments are appreciated.

[Lakers]

hey partner. In my opinion shes manipulative and insecure. I would try to have a talk because she seems to bring up irrelevant things during the heat of the moment. Thats not working out the issue. Becoming upset over a girls text? please! And you rub one out on a good day in your own place? c'mon! none of this should concern her nor should you apologize for. Unless your roomy comes to lend a hand in process then id say yaa, this might not be good. On a serious note, I think shes being a jealous/insecure. Talk to her, tell her things that upset her shouldnt upset her and that can be an issue. Honestly, shes being immature. Good luck!

[JT4266]

In terms of me rubbing one out in my apartment and not in my bedroom I can see her point. If she had a guy roommate I wouldn't be ok with her doing that. I can admit that.

 

Problem is with the reaction to question the entire relationship and throw out there that she had a dinner with real mature 30 somethings. Also had to mention they were bankers like my job in IT for the major NYC hospital is garbage. Insulting to say the least.

 

It makes me think she doesn't want to be in the relationship, trying to push me away.

[ChellyV]

when she calms down - bring up the fact that your past is your past, friends you have made will always be your friends. (believe me, theyre very vital to living). people cared about you that's why theyre asking if you are doing ok during the storm. have you expressed to her how much you like her?

 

when my most recent ex was always on the phone texting, it didn't bother me although instinct told me there was something going on there. i eventually lost that ex to that text monster. what i am trying to say is that, she will know if she has "enemies". right now, she doesn't so she is basically imagining a ghost that doesn't even exist. not even worth the separation, if and when.

[Lakers]

Problem is with the reaction to question the entire relationship and throw out there that she had a dinner with real mature 30 somethings. Also had to mention they were bankers like my job in IT for the major NYC hospital is garbage. Insulting to say the least.

 

Well..I mean, if you guys are in a relationship and shes having dinners with bankers then i think your issue is her not your penis habits at home. I -believe- shes just throwing hurtful things to see how much she can get away with. If I was You, i would honestly think to myself, is this something i want to deal with? Clearly she knew where you are working before the relationship, if that wasnt an issue then, why is it becoming now? Is she fishing for things just to throw at you to somehow make you feel ****ty? gold digger? i dont know, worth thinking through is this person worth the effort. Again just my opinion.

[bulletproof]

It's interesting to me that she's having dinner with "a bunch or real mature 30-year-olds" yet during that dinner, she's busy texting her boyfriend about his masturbation habits. Given that information, and the fact that she's instigating after drinking, she seems a bit immature.

 

If I were you I would refuse to engage when she's been drinking like that. She also has no right to tell you who is allowed to text you out of concern during a major disaster. That's just petty.

 

I think she is just testing you, and not necessarily consciously. Just don't deal with it. Tell her if she's unhappy she should leave, and if she wants to work on something then you're open to that. But this getting tipsy, picking fights, etc., doesn't really work.

[Ms Darcy]

I would say you need to really reflect on the kind of woman you want in you need. Attractiveness/hotness is not everything.