What's wrong with me?

[MattW]

As someone with absolutely no dating experience whatsoever, who's been trying to start building up more of a social life (but having little luck thus far) and get out more, I'm finding myself a bit frustrated. I don't particularly have problems being friendly and "playful" with girls, but I never really "connect" with any in a "more than friends" kind of way. I feel like my mindset towards dating is a bit... obtuse, compared to the average person.

 

I've never been been the type to meet a new girl and immediately think "Ooh, she's pretty, I'd like to go out with her" or "She seems nice, I'll ask her for her number". I need time to figure that out. I want to know how well I get along with a girl and how compatible we are before I can decide if I want to pursue her or not. I don't want to go out on a date with a complete stranger. I have zero interest in that. Heck, with the last girl I was actually interested in, I knew her for just over a year before I realized I liked her enough to want to get out with her (although, way before I knew that, I did have random thoughts about her and I, but I always wrote them off up until a couple months ago), though she wasn't able to say yes, so that of course didn't work out.

 

Being that I haven't had much luck building up a social life for myself, I'm not really meeting new girls very often at all, and even if I started meeting new girls, it would probably take at least a few months of me knowing them for me to decide if I wanted to pursue any of them.

 

Which leaves me in a fairly frustrating situation. To make matters worse, once I decide I do like a girl, I kinda let myself get too attached, because I don't meet very many girls I feel I'm a good "match" with. Case in point, the girl I described previously is still in the back of my mind (granted, I still know her, and see her fairly regularly), and deep down, I still have lingering thoughts about whether we could still give it a shot when her situation clears up. So, I take rejections a bit harder, because I don't feel there's very many girls out there for me that I'd actually "connect" with.

 

But what else can I do? I don't think I can ever do the "cold approach" thing, or date girls without knowing them a bit. I just don't see the appeal in that at all, and I have to know someone a bit before I decide if I want to get closer to them.

[jonny15]

I think that your probably gonna have to take less time in asking them out.

 

A year is a long time. And by that time, they will only see you as a friend.

 

Not that i'm claming to know much since I don't have any more success than you, but waiting that long probably isn't a good idea.

[MattW]

I think that your probably gonna have to take less time in asking them out.

 

A year is a long time. And by that time, they will only see you as a friend.

 

Not that i'm claming to know much since I don't have any more success than you, but waiting that long probably isn't a good idea.

 

Well, in that situation, I think the nature of our "relationship"/ "friendship" was unique in that we see each other enough to get to know each other, but not really enough to get "friendzoned". When she turned me down, it wasn't in a "I don't think of you that way" or "Let's just be friends" kind of way. So, I don't think that was what kept her from saying yes. Either she just wasn't attracted to me in general, or her situation just doesn't allow her enough "breathing room" to maintain a relationship right now.

 

Anyway, I don't specifically make a point to wait "a year". That was just how things happened this last time. I didn't particularly have any control over that; for some reason, the "light bulb" just didn't go off in my head until a couple months ago, with her. Theoretically, though, I'd probably at least want to get to know a girl for a few months before I'd know if I'd want to date her.

 

I just wonder why I can't get myself to make that instantaneous "connection", and whether or not that's a bad sign concerning my future dating prospects.

[jonny15]

Well, in that situation, I think the nature of our "relationship"/ "friendship" was unique in that we see each other enough to get to know each other, but not really enough to get "friendzoned".

 

I think that is all it could take.

 

Alot of times, some women decide on these matters rather quickly.

 

When she turned me down, it wasn't in a "I don't think of you that way" or "Let's just be friends" kind of way. So, I don't think that was what kept her from saying yes. Either she just wasn't attracted to me in general, or her situation just doesn't allow her enough "breathing room" to maintain a relationship right now.

 

It could be that she just isn't available. Or she was simply being nice to you.

 

Anyway, I don't specifically make a point to wait "a year". That was just how things happened this last time. I didn't particularly have any control over that; for some reason, the "light bulb" just didn't go off in my head until a couple months ago, with her. Theoretically, though, I'd probably at least want to get to know a girl for a few months before I'd know if I'd want to date her.

 

I just wonder why I can't get myself to make that instantaneous "connection", and whether or not that's a bad sign concerning my future dating prospects.

 

I'd assume an instantaneous connection is mostly based on looks.

 

I can't really give advise on things building since that never works like that for me. Nor happens since I don't have females friends, so I don't really know much about how that aspect works.

[Klokwurk]

You seem normal, nothing wrong with you.

 

I think you are still in that point in a man's life when you take things too seriously. When you want to attract a girl and make her fall for you, you should try and be very casual, easy-going, go-with-the-flow feel, but be assertive in your actions that show her that you like her.

 

Never -say- "oh my god I have feelings for you"; that is a real moodkiller, romance breaker, at least not seriously, but in a half playful way. You must play romance.

 

What is romance, you ask? Ill leave it up to my good friend to explain:

 

"She could imagine what I wanted, but, not being certain of it, surmise that I was aiming only at relations with no precise objective, in which my beloved would find that delicious vagueness, rich in expected surprises, which is romance."

 

To connect, you need to show your superiority slightly, have a slight disdain, but show her you care about her romantically. Dont state things bluntly; ask out girls on casual, friendly dates. A girl will get the idea that you like her, but you must play the delicious vagueness until the attraction is overwhelming, and then you must work up the balls to kiss her. It happens. Keep trying. Be careful.

 

You are smart. You will get there.

[MattW]

You seem normal, nothing wrong with you.

 

Am I, though? Almost 24 and never even been on a date? Seems like I must be doing something (thing"s", more likely) wrong.

 

Never -say- "oh my god I have feelings for you"; that is a real moodkiller, romance breaker, at least not seriously, but in a half playful way. You must play romance.

 

Oh, no, I wouldn't actually say anything like that. Going back to the girl I was into recently, I just said "I was thinking maybe we could go out some time". She asked "Like a date?", and I said "Sure". She took some time to think about it, and before she said no a couple weeks later, she praised me for being forward about asking her out (she said that "takes a lot of balls", heh). Granted, she's just one girl, and others may think differently about the way I did it, but I like to think I handled it the "correct" way. So, I'd like to think I have the "asking out" part down fine. It's just the actual "finding girls I want to ask out" that I'm having a lot of trouble with.

[Klokwurk]

To critique what you said to that girl you liked recently (though it really wasnt that bad): it was effete, wishy washy, not "manly".

 

I hate using that word, "manly," but that is what a girl wants: a man. Someone who takes charge, knows what he wants, and goes for it.

 

I am not saying what you said was WRONG... I have said almost that exact same thing to a girl and it worked (my nervousness being "charming")... Just wanted to help refine your approach a little.

 

Ok, so you want to find a girl you actually like. Well, be pragmatic. Go to where the girls are, and then hunt around there till you find one you like. Go girl shopping, and get the number of the one you like.

 

Be condfident. You are an amazing guy.

[MattW]

Isn't being straight forward and asking her out "knowing what I want" and "taking charge"? Not sure how that's "wishy washy". Better than "game playing", in my opinion.

[FlashEng1]

Isn't being straight forward and asking her out "knowing what I want" and "taking charge"? Not sure how that's "wishy washy". Better than "game playing", in my opinion.

 

"think" "maybe" "some time" --- weak words. And after knowing you long enough, I'm sure she got a weak impression from that.. BUT as a friend she at least turned to praise you for your effort. Idea was great, execution not so... BUT (and there's alwayssss buts) even a great idea and great execution doesn't always mean success either.

 

I don't have enough information to help any further, although I'd like to.. In this particular situation it just seems maybe she wasn't into you THAT way. All good of course. #ontothenext.

 

Added:

 

You have it twisted about "knowing what you want" or "game playing" as well.. But this is a whole different point for another day.

[MattW]

Aren't we focusing just a tad too much on the little words I used? Doesn't seem like it should be that big of a deal.

 

I don't know what you mean about knowing what I want, and "game play", and all that. Still feeling lost and frustrated in general.

[The_Seeker]

I knew my second ex for two years before I asked him out. LOL So nothing you did wrong. Just the person you were asking was not interested in it. Heck I'm going with the friendship approach in a lot of my dating life. LOL I preferred it that way.

[FlashEng1]

Aren't we focusing just a tad too much on the little words I used? Doesn't seem like it should be that big of a deal.

 

I don't know what you mean about knowing what I want, and "game play", and all that. Still feeling lost and frustrated in general.

 

We're focusing on those words because you had thought you were being straight forward, taking charge, knew what you wanted, and went for it... You didn't. Enough weak words creating a weak phrase gains a weak reply. At the same time, getting a *question* back.. such as "as in a date?"... isn't being straight forward either..

 

In other words, she had no idea how to take what you've just asked, and wanted to clarify it. And your response?? Just as weak. So yes, perhaps we should focus a bit on the little words. Keeping in mind here, I'm only going off of the little bit of information given here, so I'm not trying to just point that out like it's thaaaaat big of a deal. But it definitely is an issue in this particular situation and how you felt you went about it. (Also don't take my bluntness wrong here. I just much rather get straight to the point myself lol

 

And I really would like to jump the "maybe she just wasn't into you that much, regardless of how you asked her" ship.. but eventually you have to step back and ask yourself "ok... what's going on wrong here!!" when it happens enough times.. Which is what you've done by coming and asking therefore I'd like to have you walk away with something more than the "Oh you're just into the wrong girls who don't see you for you!" spiel.

[paradisa]

The point with the words is that you just don't project a strong image when you use "maybe" "sometime" etc. You want to project confidence when you ask a woman out. Otherwise, I feel like ok, you don't know what you're doing, are you really sure you want to ask me out? And it just goes downhill from there.

 

So be strong and act confident. You want to go out with this girl - and you want to make sure she knows that!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If a woman is really interested the way he phrased it wouldn't make a difference. When people really care they look at the good intentions and don't nit-pick.

 

OP, you are who you are..you are not the kind of person who will just ask out someone in order to conform to society..you actually need to have an interest in that person...nothing wrong with that. Random sex and a string of failed relationships is not something to be proud of even though society seems to say that tons of failed experiences and experiences just for the sake of having someone around is better than nothing. It really isn't because the people who routinely fail or get into relationships just to be in one are not any more satisfied with how things have been going than you are. They may have the social status of having been around the block many times...but emotionally they are often a mess because of it.

[MattW]

If a woman is really interested the way he phrased it wouldn't make a difference. When people really care they look at the good intentions and don't nit-pick.

 

Thank you, that's what I was thinking. I find it just a little hard to believe that every (or even most) girl would nitpick the little words I would say. Also, in this situation, before I actually asked her out, I did ask her if she was doing anything on the weekend, so there was some specificity in there, rather than being completely vague about the "when". And when she had the conversation with me about turning me down, I did crack a little joke about how I asked her out, which got a nice little laugh out of her, and she said "No, you did fine". Sure, she could've just been trying to be polite, but I like to think she meant it.

 

OP, you are who you are..you are not the kind of person who will just ask out someone in order to conform to society..you actually need to have an interest in that person...nothing wrong with that. Random sex and a string of failed relationships is not something to be proud of even though society seems to say that tons of failed experiences and experiences just for the sake of having someone around is better than nothing. It really isn't because the people who routinely fail or get into relationships just to be in one are not any more satisfied with how things have been going than you are. They may have the social status of having been around the block many times...but emotionally they are often a mess because of it.

 

I guess... I mean, I'm not looking for a string of random hookups or so-so "relationships", but I feel like it could take me years to find another girl I want to even ask out, due to the way I think and feel about this stuff, and there's no guarantee that girl will want to go out with me, either. I'm just so tired of not getting to feel what it's like to be with someone special, and I hate to think that I'll end up being one of those guys that stays single through his 30s, 40s, and even longer.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Better that than being one of those unhappy guys in a marriage of convenience, or a failed marriage with financial repercussions, ex hassles and child custody issues as many men in their 30's and 40's and beyond have had to deal with.

[Angler]

If a woman is really interested the way he phrased it wouldn't make a difference.

 

But by using weak language, he presents less confidence, and that in turn affects her interest level.

[Angler]

I feel like it could take me years to find another girl I want to even ask out, due to the way I think and feel about this stuff, and there's no guarantee that girl will want to go out with me, either.

 

If that's the case, then use the downtime between girls to make yourself as attractive as possible, so that girl down the road likes you back.

 

Hit the gym

Hit the books

Work hard

Eat right

Sleep well

Get a good job

Take control

Get promoted

.

.

.

.

.

.

Get the girl

[FlashEng1]

Thank you, that's what I was thinking. I find it just a little hard to believe that every (or even most) girl would nitpick the little words I would say. Also, in this situation, before I actually asked her out, I did ask her if she was doing anything on the weekend, so there was some specificity in there, rather than being completely vague about the "when". And when she had the conversation with me about turning me down, I did crack a little joke about how I asked her out, which got a nice little laugh out of her, and she said "No, you did fine". Sure, she could've just been trying to be polite, but I like to think she meant it.

 

I appear to be nitpicking only because this is ALLLL I have to go off of. And no, there are very few (if any) girls who sit and nitpick words like that, BUT that does not change one's reaction when those very words are said.. It's the idea of not "WHAT" you're saying, but how you're saying it. Something I've had to learn very quickly being in the public in my city.

 

"No you did fine".. of course she meant that. But that isn't what you should be asking yourself.. Ask "why" she would say that... And reaching into the why, leads back to better understanding the weak, shy, "non-manly" semblance you gave. She should't have told you that. You should have known if you were doing fine or not; or not even care to begin with (if you weren't weak to begin with that is). And even cracking a joke would have worked in a different scenario, had you originally asked differently, but in this situation it gives off a feeling of "damn.. I messed up! Didn't I? Ugh! I hope you'll still talk to me!"

-- I really love how camus tends to put things into perspective here (on the forums), and I certainly don't want to cross any lines or have you take offense to what I'm saying.

 

"I was thinking maybe we could go out some time."

- weak phrase. naturally rejected. (with strangers more so. If she knows you, and is interested, different scenario)

 

"What are you doing XXX? Let's go XXX."

- stronger. but limiting as well. but rejection here can lead to easier "come-backs" as well.

 

"I'm thinking of doing XXX on XXX if you care to join."

-- stronger, not necessarily 'caring' about a rejection, probably the example I would pick. Of course at the same time, I agree entirely with the mindset that "If she's interested, she will say yes regardless."

 

Well how about this as a possibility... changing yourself as you go along life, learning!? Because IF you try stepping outside your comfort zone and learning ways to become a better you -- which takes a type of emergence of things outside of what you think you already know even about yourself -- SHOULD you meet that special girl that catches your eye and you were to confidently approach her and ask her out, your chances greatly increase in your favor that she WILL be so inclined to accept. Guaranteed.

 

 

 

Better that than being one of those unhappy guys in a marriage of convenience, or a failed marriage with financial repercussions, ex hassles and child custody issues as many men in their 30's and 40's and beyond have had to deal with.

 

Two different extremes here .. let's GET him a date before assuming the polar opposite.

 

 

I'd like to comment on your earlier statement on societal conformity as well.. but it seems the irony of it all is.. by "just being yourself" and "doing your own thing" you essentially fit into a genre still.. Either way. At the same time, I think you're taking a lot of the points being made, wrong per-se.. It's not a case of being someone you're not... But more the idea of trying something outside of your comfort zone long enough to find out what works and what doesn't.. Because if you can step aside and think about it. What you HAVE been doing the entire time.... *isn't* working. So sure, don't go out and get spiked hair and a flower patterned shirt unbuttoned halfway down and a fat gold chain and glasses and start winking at every girl that walks by... But don't also sit back and continue telling yourself "I'm perfect. I'm awesome. They're loss. They just don't get 'ME'" .. What makes a great man .. great.. is knowing that everything, everyday is a lesson to be learned, and that he must always be willing to change, adapt, grow, and become more educated.. in every field of his life.. Especially if a certain field is apparently lacking.

 

 

 

If that's the case, then use the downtime between girls to make yourself as attractive as possible, so that girl down the road likes you back.

 

Hit the gym

Hit the books

Work hard

Eat right

Sleep well

Get a good job

Take control

Get promoted

.

.

.

.

.

.

Get the girl

 

Amen.

[MattW]

"No you did fine".. of course she meant that. But that isn't what you should be asking yourself.. Ask "why" she would say that... And reaching into the why, leads back to better understanding the weak, shy, "non-manly" semblance you gave. She should't have told you that. You should have known if you were doing fine or not; or not even care to begin with (if you weren't weak to begin with that is). And even cracking a joke would have worked in a different scenario, had you originally asked differently, but in this situation it gives off a feeling of "damn.. I messed up! Didn't I? Ugh! I hope you'll still talk to me!"

 

Eh, I dunno, I don't really think it was like that. I wasn't "admitting that I messed up" or hoping she'd still talk to me, I just wanted to be funny. She and I have always been pretty good at making each other laugh, and I just tossed a joke in there because I could sense she was about to say "No", and I wanted to set a more jovial tone.

 

It's not a case of being someone you're not... But more the idea of trying something outside of your comfort zone long enough to find out what works and what doesn't.. Because if you can step aside and think about it. What you HAVE been doing the entire time.... *isn't* working. So sure, don't go out and get spiked hair and a flower patterned shirt unbuttoned halfway down and a fat gold chain and glasses and start winking at every girl that walks by... But don't also sit back and continue telling yourself "I'm perfect. I'm awesome. They're loss. They just don't get 'ME'" .. What makes a great man .. great.. is knowing that everything, everyday is a lesson to be learned, and that he must always be willing to change, adapt, grow, and become more educated.. in every field of his life.. Especially if a certain field is apparently lacking.

 

I'm not saying I'm "perfect", and I know there's stuff I can be working towards in the meantime. But I've been working on a lot of that stuff, and a lot of it takes time. For example, I can't really get a good job until I finish college, and I can't finish college until I've taken all the courses I need to take. I'm pretty close to completing a part of my education, but I'm going to continue on with it a little further for another year or two.

 

Besides, why do I have to get "perfect" to experience this stuff in the first place? I've seen people that are still progressing their lives find happy relationships and whatnot. Why can't I? I've been "working" on me for years, now, and it's just frustrating to see that I've made so little progress in getting the things I actually want out of life. I've been "working" on aspects of my life since I was a teenager, let's say since I was 16. So, I'm coming up on about 8 years of work, and I still have absolutely nothing to show for it. That's why it's depressing, and that's why I feel bad. Because I feel like no matter what I do, there's always going to be a reason why it's just out of reach for me.

[Angler]

You don't need to be perfect, but you need to be the best "you" possible under whatever circumstances you find yourself.

 

So you're in college and don't have a career yet - no sweat. Improve that which is under your control.

 

I know the feeling I had at your age. You know the Blink 182 lyric "nobody likes you when you're 23"? It's true in a lot of ways. Girls your age are starting to hook up with older established guys, but you're starting to be too old for 18-19 year old girls. It was a rough time dating for me too.

 

Hang in, there's a shift in the balance coming.

[FlashEng1]

Man, I feel horrible right now... you're really misunderstanding what I'm saying, which leads me to believe I'm just saying it wrong. Allow me to rephrase .

 

First, you're doing ABSOLUTELY fine! Try to not worry about what others around you are doing! I could give you personal stories all day about guys much worse off than me (physically, financially, etc) getting "the girl," or people who found love at first sight since HS and still living happy lives.

 

Eh, I dunno, I don't really think it was like that. I wasn't "admitting that I messed up" or hoping she'd still talk to me, I just wanted to be funny. She and I have always been pretty good at making each other laugh, and I just tossed a joke in there because I could sense she was about to say "No", and I wanted to set a more jovial tone.

 

Nevermind this. I was speaking on a more "philosophical" level.. It's just a different mental state in trying to understand.

 

I'm not saying I'm "perfect", and I know there's stuff I can be working towards in the meantime. But I've been working on a lot of that stuff, and a lot of it takes time. For example, I can't really get a good job until I finish college, and I can't finish college until I've taken all the courses I need to take. I'm pretty close to completing a part of my education, but I'm going to continue on with it a little further for another year or two.

 

Try breaking it down differently actually. Instead of comparing the 'overall big picture' (which you're doing great for your age!), take baby steps and break down the seemingly overwhelming goals/objectives.. Rather than "a really good job," how about a job period? (if you don't have one). And something to note, having a job period puts you far ahead in and of itself.. Heck, why not aim for a job in the industry/area of your ideal career!

 

But anyway, I digress, while you're searching, or working, take it day by day:

 

Today I'm going to try sushi for lunch.. just because.

This week I'm going to see the new Batman movie, but with a female! ANY female! As a friend, NO strings attached, NO expectations, just to go watch a movie with someone of the opposite sex.

Instead of the gym, I will signup for my city's 5k, and walk it the entire time, on purpose!

Instead of studying at school or home, I will take my books with me, and study on my bus or subway for the entire round trip it takes me.

^-- Be surprised what you accomplish day in and out. And be surprised who you run into along the way ;-)

 

 

Besides, why do I have to get "perfect" to experience this stuff in the first place? I've seen people that are still progressing their lives find happy relationships and whatnot. Why can't I? I've been "working" on me for years, now, and it's just frustrating to see that I've made so little progress in getting the things I actually want out of life. I've been "working" on aspects of my life since I was a teenager, let's say since I was 16. So, I'm coming up on about 8 years of work, and I still have absolutely nothing to show for it. That's why it's depressing, and that's why I feel bad. Because I feel like no matter what I do, there's always going to be a reason why it's just out of reach for me.

 

No one said you had to be perfect.. And you certainly shouldn't attain to be perfect. It just won't happen.. Beside's it's not the end goal you should care much for anyway ;-), believe that.. but the journey and adventures you've had along the way. As far as being frustrated with the "progress" you've currently made with yourself and your love life.. It's understandable.. We've all been there. It happens for some easier than it does others.. THAT part I have yet to figure out how to change, IF even possible! lol.. For the most part, continue challenging yourself and working towards your own dream you (as cheesy as that may sound). And if you stand back and feel you have nothing to show for it, then that's EXACTLY where you must begin... Your own mental state of things in your life.. If this is the case, then you should not be surprised that others may sense/feel the same..

 

No, instead you try to think about what you HAVE accomplished, no matter how small. And when you're done there, start getting excited about what--could--possibly be out there coming to you! Do you like a certain genre of music? Get excited that next week you're going a local event that plays that genre! You like sports? Be excited that you're finally gonna make time to hit a local bar of a team you like and just watch the game other than at your own house. The bar tender ALONE will be your friend to talk to in the beginning! Do you want to learn to dance? Be excited that you're going to the country club in your city and take their FREE early lessons, and get to know the other beginners in your class.. You want to be excited about anything happening! It's contagious, and it WILL pay off...

[MattW]

You don't need to be perfect, but you need to be the best "you" possible under whatever circumstances you find yourself.

 

So you're in college and don't have a career yet - no sweat. Improve that which is under your control.

 

I don't really know what else I can "control", though. My biggest "hurdle" right now is trying to build up a social life, because up to now, I've been a bit of a recluse for many reasons. I did do something a couple of months ago that has opened the door for me to start building a social life, but I've had a ton of trouble actually getting off the ground with it, so to speak. I've been trying to reach out to people I know to try to hang out, go places, and do things, but I can't seem to get any "bites". I did get sort of a "maybe" from someone I really wanted to hang out with, but we haven't talked about it any more than that, and he's been kinda busy with work-related stuff, so I haven't pushed the issue at all.

 

Much like the "dating" thing, it's pretty frustrating, because I want to build up friendships with people, but I just can't seem to get anything going. I know it's only been a couple months since I really started trying, but I just wish I had somebody to hang out with. I know people may suggest going to link removed, or just going places alone and meeting people, but I dunno. I don't think I'd do very well just diving into a group of complete strangers. I need at least some familiarity to be able to loosen up a bit. That's why I'd at least like to start out by spending more time with the few people I know now, then I can branch off from there.

 

Man, I feel horrible right now... you're really misunderstanding what I'm saying, which leads me to believe I'm just saying it wrong.

 

Eh, I'm kinda stupid that way, so don't feel too bad.

 

First, you're doing ABSOLUTELY fine! Try to not worry about what others around you are doing! I could give you personal stories all day about guys much worse off than me (physically, financially, etc) getting "the girl," or people who found love at first sight since HS and still living happy lives.

 

Well, it's not so much that I feel like I need to "catch up" to anyone, or anything like that, I just feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Yanno? Like, I can't quite figure it out why so many people around me are able to have the stuff I want, yet for some reason, I can't seem to get it, myself. Like, what is it about me that just can't find and get what I want out of life? I'm not really that much worse off than anyone else I know; I have a regular (part time) job, I'm working my way through college, I'm not hideous looking, I have a pretty good personality (even if I'm initially a bit reserved and closed off), and heck, I even have a pretty nice stack of cash to my name put away for my future (though I don't flaunt this, as it'd obviously attract the wrong kind of people). I just feel like it shouldn't be so hard for me, but for some reason, it is.

[Klokwurk]

FlashEng1 is a cool person. Listen carefully to what he is saying.

 

Dont try so hard. Let it happen naturally. Do not expect anything.

 

It is frustrating, but it will happen. Just let it.

[blueidealist24]

I have the same problem with men. It's like the pace of most people's dating is too fast. I also get crushed when someone moves on from me because I rarely find a guy I'm interested in, so I get attached, especially if I've been 'admiring them from afar' for a long time, which is often the case. It seems like others can take up with other new people and drop them more easily than I can. It might look sometimes like I've just instantly developed a crush on a new person, but often I've been thinking about it for awhile before even acting on it. I get very overwhelmed when a guy I barely know starts hitting on me, and I run because I just don't know them well enough to trust them.. they could have been a good guy but it's just like they came on to me too fast. I'd rather date people who I've known for months or even years, but it seems by that point most of them already consider me in the friend zone and would rather get involved with almost-strangers. *sigh*