Is It Okay to Date a Separated Woman?

[LostInTranslation]

I met a beautiful woman through a friend recently and we hit it off immediately. We had great conversation and had a fun night on the town. We ended up kissing a few times and I even made it back to her place because it got so late (I slept on her couch for the record).

 

She has been separated from her husband for some time. They have separted before and have come to the decision that they cannot be together. They are currently in the divorce process and don't see or talk to each other. They do not live together but do share responsibilities for their eight year old daughter.

 

I was going to just let the situation be, but she called yesterday and asked me out. I explained to her that I would love to see her again, but that I felt bad about us kissing the other night. She told me not to feel bad because she didn't. She explained that anything that happened wasn't anything she didn't want to happen.

 

I am very intrigued by this woman. I find her very attractive and great to be around. I want to see her and possibly date her if all goes well, but I feel uneasy since she is still legally married. I have a high level of morals that I live by and my feelings are so conflicting right now.

 

Can anyone provide some insight or opinions for me, especially through past experiences? Should I feel bad about this and discontinue or should I just go with it?

[ayekasong]

I think you should trust your gut right now, listen to those feelings of uneasiness. I would personally steer clear of a relationship with someone who is not legally divorced. I'm not familiar with the divorce process, but if she's in the process it shouldn't be too long before this relationship is "legit" according to your morals, correct? Perhaps you could keep it on a friendly level until then...

 

I wish I could give you some insight from expereince (well I don't really wish I've experienced this...), but I know others have been in a similar situation. I hope all works out for you.

[Beec]

If she is separated and really is getting divorced, I see nothing wrong with it. Her and her husband have decided to part. I don't think she needs a Court's approval to say if she is cheating or not.

 

One the other hand, go slow. Make sure her and her husband and not going to reconcile before you find out you are madly in love with her.

[Day_Walker]

Its a judgement call if you want to date her or not. If you have a high level of morals as you say then you already know the choice that you should make. Personally I dont think there is anything wrong with it however I wouldnt expect anything permanent with this female just becaus she is coming out of a relationship and is most likely looking to have some fun and meet some new guys.

[Howtocope]

I will say this, If her husband is the type who may be out for blood, or want custody of the child, this could be very dangerous.

 

It all depends on the situation of course, but, the husband COULD use this in a court of law by saying that she is an unfit mother for cheating. To the courts, this WOULD be cheating due to the fact that they are NOT legally divorced.

 

Just watch that. Some men/women will gt a little crazy during a divorce.

[Scout]

Well, ask yourself this: how many times has your intuition really pressed that you do something, but you end up doing the opposite...and then regretted it, saying "Why didn't I listen to what my gut was telling me!"

 

It seems to me that your feelings of uneasiness are very valid, and you should listen to them. There are soooooooo many factors that come into play when you date someone that is not completely extricated from their marriage. In fact, I would be leery of dating someone that hasn't been divorced for longer than two years.

 

I think you'll be signing on for a lot more than just this "intriguing, attractive" woman if you decide to date her. Give it some serious thought.

[OldGuy]

I started dating my wife before she was divorced. At the time in Texas it took several months to get a divorce to court and then, it was not final until a year later.

 

The moral issue I see with dating a married woman is that you are interfering in someone's life and assisting someone in breaking an important promise. Marriage is sacred and its wrong to interfere in one. But, if the marriage is over except for the legal work, I don't see the moral issue anymore.

 

I will warn you that there can be a lot of other issues, even if the marrage is really over, it was once important and she will be emotional about it at times. Being part of someone life as they work through the process of disentangling their lives from someone else's and particularly while they resolve issues of child care can be extremely taxing emotionally.

 

I have ended up happy with the choice I made and with our live together, but the first two years were tough.

[Phil]

I say keep it on a friendly level until the divorce papers are signed and filed etc... But don't let this bother you either, if she asks to go out to the movies/out to dinner or anything go for it. I just wouldn't have sex with her until she is legally separated. Kissing and hugging i would still do even if she isn't legally divorced, but i'm sure if its romantic kissing like at her house alone with her it would easily turn to sex where as a kiss in public wouldn't be as likely.

 

hope this helped

Phil

[Amethyst]

As far as dating her when the divorce isn't final, I see no problem. The papers *have* been filed and they *are* in the process of divorce, so you don't have to worry too much about reconciliation. (The fact that she has minimal contact with the guy is also a good sign of that.)

 

Nonetheless, you have to remember that there is going to be a lot of *heavy* baggage. She has a son and a soon-to-be ex-husband, and she's trying to deal with a lot of hurt and pain from her marriage and subsequent divorce. On top of all that, she has had virtually NO time to *really* get over her husband. (If the divorce hasn't even came through, then I can guarantee you she's still dealing with lots of feelings toward him.) And, on top of even that, you're the rebound guy. She's coming out of a VERY serious relationship and very unsure of the direction her life will take. She may even be doubting herself as a woman since her marriage failed; and, knowing another man is intereted in her is giving her a "buzz", so to speak.

 

I agree with most of the others -- listen to your instincts.

[single30]

Hi There.

I'm a 30 year old soon to be divorced woman, and I JUST started dating.

Had my first one last Friday night. With my husband and I, we talked about it. I literally asked him "so am I free to see whomever I want now?" and he said yes.

If she is in the process of getting a divorce, then I say go for it. But if it makes your uncomfortable, just become good friends for now. It will be all that more special if things work out.