A year into our relationship and he still hasnt said "I love you."

[tygerwolf]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year now. About 6 months into our relationship I told him that I loved him. He smiled and told me it was a good thing and hugged me. I didnt get to hear what I wanted but I figured he would say it in his own time and not just because I said it first. So 6 months later I have heard no such words.

 

However I do reflect back on a conversation I had with him not long before I said those 3 little words. We talked about what love meant one day (a random conversation in the car.) He told me that to him loving someone meant being able to take care of them. He loved when he felt that he was "caring". That was his definition. He loves his cat because he takes care of his cat. I told him that to me love was putting someone before yourself and wanting to share your life with them. (conversation in a nutshell). He said that he had no problem saying it though. He could say it and that it wasn't a big deal.

 

So now that I reflect, my boyfriend is 29 years old, living with his parents (long story. he had to move back a few years ago), doesnt have a great job or a lot of money and is still in college. I am with him in a difficult part of his life right now. He went from making pretty good money to being set back at home. He hates that he cannot afford to take us out. We agree to pretty much split the cost on everything (aside from special occasions). He cannot take care of me like he wants to. He tells me all the time he would take me out more and buy me things if he could afford to.

 

Aside from the "I love yous", he and I have a great relationship. We are without a doubt, best friends. We see each other every day pretty much and talk on the phone if just a few hours passes between us. He is kind and helpful and involved with me and my family. Has introduced me to all of his family and friends and we spend time with them and he spends time with mine. We talk about doing things well into the future. He said he could say I love you, but I dont want to make him say it if it doesnt come naturally to him. Then its just words right?

 

So would it bother you if your SO hadnt said those three words? I feel oddly ok about it. It used to bother me but not so much anymore. I want to know your thoughts...

[SapphireNoir10]

Maybe it's time to ask him? And stress how unimportant material things are in relation to love to you. He doesn't need to 'take care' of you you aren't a child.

 

Love is one of the least materialistic things in existence.

 

I would be very bothered. Yes.

[Hoagy]

I can understand the situation he's in. I'm not in a relationship simply because I'm between jobs, short of cash, etc. When I'm in a better place then I'll be putting myself back on the market but until then I'm not ready to commit to a serious relationship and maybe he doesn't want to say those words because he doesn't feel ready. They're more than just words. I think you're going to have to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Don't try to twist his arm behind his back though because it won't mean anything then.

[Johnny Utah]

You should talk with him. Maybe he hasn't thought about it. He may not realize what he has. He may have taken you for granted.

 

I think 6 months is too long once one person says the words.

[Blue92]

I think he is someone who likes to show his love rather than say it. Maybe, you can initiate another I Love You again and see how he responds if you want. Other than this small dilemma, he sounds like a great bf though! I think you are very lucky to have someone so caring!

[Ms Darcy]

It's time to talk to him again to understand where he is.

 

On the one hand, he may feel it and not want to say it/prefers to show it. OK.

 

On another hand, he may not feel it, yet has no problem just seeing where things go/continuing to see you. BIG problem for you.

 

Although you weren't a fan of his definition, a lot of men define themselves by their ability to take care of/provide for their partners. First, it means they want to take care of you. Second, it means they fulfill their duties as a "man" and are able to provide for you and protect you. Makes sense to me. It is a good sign that he would LIKE to be able to do these things for YOU specifically.

 

My only concern is that he's not "there." It could take him years to get to that place. And while you will probably want the relationship to progress, he's probably going to want to be financially independent, out of his parent's house, taking care of his bills before progressing with you.

 

So, the real question is how long are you willing to wait for him to be where you are emotionally?