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To contact or not to contact, that is the question...

minorissues

By minorissues
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minorissues Apprentice

minorissues

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So I promised myself (and the forum) that I'd keep myself busy while the guy I've recently begun seeing is out of the country for two weeks but...I guess I'm just not that good at keeping promises! He left the country on Friday for a combination vacation/business trip...I believe this week is pleasure, next week is business. He's traveling alone, for now, and wasn't really sure what his trip agenda would be at first but said he'd figure it out when he got there. It's been...five days? And I haven't heard a peep from him. It's not that I expect him to be texting me every day, or even that I sincerely expect he will be thinking of me constantly and not giving into temptation (I'm semi-realistic after all, and we've only been dating a short time) but I'm surprised by how sad and disappointed I am that he hasn't said a word. After our first date, I took a business trip (though to be fair it was within the country) and HE texted me every day (which at the time, I found a little overkill) but now, he's gone, and nothing. Even last weekend, he kept in touch while we were both out of town on separate vacations for the weekend. I've been trying to stay busy (and mostly succeeding) but my mind keeps wandering...I want to look forward to seeing him when he's back but it's hard to do when I'm not even so sure how things will be when he is back. I guess I just want a resolution already...

 

So here I am, venting, and throwing out a question or two if anyone feels like easing my troubled mind. Do you suppose I should drop him a text or a line or do I just wait it out until he gets back? Do you find it strange that he hasn't gotten in touch at all? Thanks for your indulgence....

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buddha55 Enthusiast

buddha55

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uuuugh.

 

if you text and he replies then WOOHOO! if not... then it's even more crushing. the last two times i had a new relationship I waited for the guy to text me on his vacation.... luckily, they both did! I let the convo taper off naturally and didn't get into long convos. MAybe midway to 2/3 of the way through you can drop him a line saying that you hope he is enjoying himself and that you look forward to his return.

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minorissues Apprentice

minorissues

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Isn't he in Asia? That would mean different time zones, possible roaming fees, etc. Just wait it out. It's only two weeks, not two years.

 

Thanks, all! No, he's actually travelling through Europe (not Asia) and I'm in the U.S.

 

And to clarify, I guess I'm not really expecting a text as much as an e-mail perhaps? It's not that I EXPECT contact -- I'm not thaaat presumptuous -- but it would be nice to know he's thinking of me. I know I'd probably drop a line to any guy I was dating and really liked while abroad (heck, when I lived in Germany for a month, even the Dunkin Donuts had internet access!) but probably wouldn't bother if I was dating a guy I wasn't really into. So coming from that point of view, the thought of him not contacting me at all just makes me doubt that he's eager to continue things when he gets back.

 

Alas!

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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That's not an ouch. I didn't call my bf yesterday because I didn't want to. It's not an insult; it's just a fact. He's doing his own thing. It does not mean he won't want to keep seeing you when you return. Just remember he is not a priority in your life ... you have lots of other things to do and think about.

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minorissues Apprentice

minorissues

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That's not an ouch. I didn't call my bf yesterday because I didn't want to. It's not an insult; it's just a fact. He's doing his own thing. It does not mean he won't want to keep seeing you when you return. Just remember he is not a priority in your life ... you have lots of other things to do and think about.

 

Gotcha. Fair enough!

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minorissues Apprentice

minorissues

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Sigh. Slow day at work and I'm feeling low so I'm reviving my thread to pass the time.

 

It's been over a week, he's still on vacation, and not a word. I've resisted impulses to contact him myself because he's abroad and I don't know which methods of communication are available to him and don't want to end up with an unanswered text or e-mail making me feel worse (no idea if his phone is on or which e-mail address, personal or work, he's checking, etc.) He should be back in a week, and then I guess I'll know for sure if he still wants to see me...but man, the waiting sucks worse than knowing for sure!

 

In the meantime, I'm keeping relatively busy with work, training for my triathlon, and even went out on an blind/double date last week (albeit an awkward one) but every now and then during a slow moment at work I'll get this really crappy feeling in the pit of my stomach that vacation-guy has faded out on me. At the risk of sounding like a pain in the behind, do situations like this ever end well? Anybody have any relationship success stories that started off with something like this? Help a sista out!

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Candied Storm Newbie

Candied Storm

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Hey there! I just wanted to know, how did he still keep in contact when you travelled? Did he use an excuse or did he just text you?

 

Maybe he was hoping that you would contact him first the way he contacted you. I don't think it'd hurt much if you sent a brief 'hey hope you're having fun' or 'hey this funny link reminded me of you' type message.

 

Its not shameful to reach out, he has set precedent already. However you do have to be able to handle the idea of no response as well; though you definitely sound like you can.

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minorissues Apprentice

minorissues

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Hey there! I just wanted to know, how did he still keep in contact when you travelled? Did he use an excuse or did he just text you?

 

Maybe he was hoping that you would contact him first the way he contacted you. I don't think it'd hurt much if you sent a brief 'hey hope you're having fun' or 'hey this funny link reminded me of you' type message.

 

Its not shameful to reach out, he has set precedent already. However you do have to be able to handle the idea of no response as well; though you definitely sound like you can.

 

Hi CS! Good advice...I'm still torn on if I should reach out or not, but you're right about him setting precedent, I think.

 

When I travelled recently, we were still within the same country (him on the East Coast, me in Chicago) so yes, he texted me daily. It was basically just saying hi, asking what was going on, which restaurants had I decided to go to, that sort of thing. But this was immediately following our first date and I was kind of unattached to him at that point, so I didn't really pay attention to how often he was texting me, and in fact felt a bit smothered (though I didn't say anything about this to him, and was pretty good about responding when I was able.)

 

However, as he's now on another continent and in a different time-zone, things are different. When I was in Europe for a month, for instance (years ago) I left my personal cell phone at home in the US (shut off) and bought a cheap phone in Germany just to keep in touch with my peer group in Germany (I was studying abroad with other students at the time and we needed to make plans, set up study groups, etc.) I kept in touch with my family and friends at home via e-mail and AIM at Internet cafes. So I don't know if he has his cell with him, if he's receiving texts, etc. We also never e-mail much, either, so I don't really know which e-mail address he checks, whether here or abroad. We only communicate while he's here by text and calls...much less effective accross continents and time zones!

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