Is this an OK way to start the letter to my ex?

[aphrodite12]

After a 6 month relationship, in which our love was so deep that my ex-boyfriend wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, my ex and I have been in 2 months NC. After a lot of thought, I am writing a letter to him. The relationship didn't end very well, he left me because we were arguing too much, and in this letter I am explaining my side of things, and stating how I was wrong and how I'm making an effort to change things about me.

 

It is a very long letter and I know he'll get a shock when he opens it, let alone when he sees a message from me in his Inbox. This is what I'm dreading; the reaction from him to seeing my name and the large amount of text. There was just a lot that I wanted to say. I have written the letter and it is all ready, I will send it soon. Below is the way I have started it, is this an OK start? Or does it look too scared and pathetic? Thanks for your advice.

 

"Hello,

 

Please don’t discard this without reading it first, because it’s written for no purpose other than to just tie up some loose ends.

 

I know that the past doesn't matter to you anymore, and I'm sorry if it disturbed you to see a message from me in your Inbox. But I just wanted to clear the air on a few things, that's all, you don't have to reply to this.

 

It’s quite a long message and I apologise for that, but there are some things that I really wanted to get off my chest so I’ll kindly ask you to read to the end.

 

I didn’t write this sooner for two reasons; the major one was that I wanted to focus on passing my MSc without distraction (which I was able to do ) and the second was that I wanted to write this at a time when I could write with more logic than emotion."

[crazyoflove]

It looks good to me. I wish I receive something similar from my ex

[aphrodite12]

It looks good to me. I wish I receive something similar from my ex

 

Why don't you contact your ex?

[FrenchFries]

It's already too long and a bit repetitive. If you must send it just start off with that last paragraph. Think really hard before sending.

 

Can't edit from my phone, Ugg.

 

It's too long. Do not send a super long letter.

[aphrodite12]

Think really hard before sending.

 

I've thought about it after 2 months NC. I'm not expecting anything back, but there were things that I really wanted to get out of my system so that he knows the facts.

[FrenchFries]

I don't know your story, what facts? He knows the details of the relationship.

[aphrodite12]

I don't know your story, what facts? He knows the details of the relationship.

 

In the letter I'm explaining certain things, such as why I had been arguing so much and how I'm making actions to change this. 2 months of NC has helped me to think and really reflect. I am aware that he might not want to give it a second chance. But I just wanted him to hear my side of the story.

[FrenchFries]

My phone is giving me posting problems. I'm just trying to say that if you feel like you absolutely must send it, keep it short and to the point.

[FrenchFries]

Do you really think it's time to do that at the two month mark? Maybe wait a bit longer.

[aphrodite12]

Do you really think it's time to do that at the two month mark? Maybe wait a bit longer.

 

Thanks, but I fear that it has already been too long. We were only together for 6 months.

[crazyoflove]

Why don't you contact your ex?

 

I tried for some time after break up. I even throw my pride in front of her feet. She just kept playing hot and cold. I am now in NC for nearly four weeks.

[aphrodite12]

I tried for some time after break up. I even throw my pride in front of her feet. She just kept playing hot and cold. I am now in NC for nearly four weeks.

 

Good, stay doing that. You have fought hard and done all that you can to save the relationship, now it is up to them.

[FabulousGrace]

2 months feels like a lifetime, but it's not..it's 8 weeks and waiting another four, till you get to the three month mark will not hurt.

 

Sit on it for a month and see if you feel like sending it then!

[aphrodite12]

2 months feels like a lifetime, but it's not..it's 8 weeks and waiting another four, till you get to the three month mark will not hurt.

 

Sit on it for a month and see if you feel like sending it then!

 

Thank you for the advice, but I've decided to send it this week. He has almost forgotten about me completely and if not already he'll have moved on by the 3-month mark. So I'll send it this week

[FabulousGrace]

Out of interest, why did you ask for advice, if you weren't going to take it?

[alertstatusred]

How will you feel if you send this and do not get a response from him?

[aphrodite12]

Out of interest, why did you ask for advice, if you weren't going to take it?

 

The advice I asked for was if the start of my letter was OK; not if I should send the letter or not.

 

How will you feel if you send this and do not get a response from him?

 

I have already thought about this; I went through it with my last ex. I will feel very hurt at first as all the hope is sucked out of my body like a vacuum. But after that, it will help me to move on. I will know that I have done everything I can to get him back. If the letter doesn't work, I need someone who can appreciate me for me.

[seoulmate]

If the letter doesn't work, I need someone who can appreciate me for me.

 

I had to laugh...

 

Your very post on this ENA detailed how you had issues with temper tantrums and dumped him.

 

So, you want someone who can appreciate you?? Lie, appreciate you throwing a temper tantrum and breaking up with them?

[seoulmate]

^EDIT: Lie should read "like"

[aphrodite12]

Seoulmate, I'm sorry to say this but I did not read your message; past experiences have shown me that you do not mean well to me like the others here. I think that is because in your eyes I resemble your ex. So I have resolved to not read a message which is under your name.

 

I don't want this to cause offence; having seen your contribution on other people's threads it is clear that you do want to help people very much. But for me you have this unexplicable spite, which renders it logical for me to do this.

 

Good luck with your situation, and I would kindly ask you to not post anymore on my threads.

[soloman9]

I haven't read your story before but I will add my two cents from this thread (I don't know who dumped who etc)

 

1. If you dumped him - Don't message him unless you really want to give things another go. If that's not your intention it's just cruel.

If he dumped you - Don't message him at all. Nothing you say will help and it'll just show you haven't moved on. If your ultimate goal is wanting him back this won't help and just prove he still has power over you.

 

2. With regards to the content of the message:

 

It's too long and apologetic. Of course he will read the whole thing, despite who dumped who. Either it will be all he wanted to hear (if he's the dumpee) or an ego boost (if he's the dumper) You don't have to beg for him to read the whole thing, it makes you look like you are not self assured. If you are going to email him then just say what you need to say, be succinct. However, I don't think sending him a letter will help anything at all and I would advise against it.

 

3. I doubt he has 'forgotten' you, he just doesn't want to speak to you, so sending a letter won't help this. If he has 'forgotten' you then sending a letter will help nothing, and will just make you look a bit pathetic.

 

4. Even though I agree what seoulmate has said is a little pointless in this thread, I don't think he means to attack you, I just think he's trying to make you see the bigger picture about why things went wrong and why this guy would want to hear from you again if that was the case.

 

P.S In the initial opening you said "he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me" that may have been the case for a while, but doesn't appear to be anymore.

[markie6]

As you dumped him and want another go , then by all means try and get him back. Do whatever that takes. Lay it all out on the line and leave it there for him to get back to you if he wants to. If you don't hear from him, then at least you will know where you stand. I haven't read all your posts but I get the impression it was a heat of the moment breakup after a short relationship.

 

As dumper, it's really up to you to put the leg work in , it's up to him as dumpee to decide if he wants anything to do with you.

 

Breaking up with somebody stings them, sometimes they are never the same afterwards and see things differently from then on.

 

You won't know unless you try , but as for what you should put in your letter .. just put in what you want to say. You know him better than us, how he copes with rejection etc

 

There aren't really right and wrong things to say in a heartfelt letter , but as others have said, if you want him..do it. If you don't then leave him alone.

 

If there was a perfect letter to an ex template... we would all use it, everybody is different and as such , each letter should be tailored to that individual

[penelope13]

I don't think it's a good start for a letter, because nothing you have written in the beginning indicates what the overall message of the letter is going to be (i.e way too long and not to the point), and secondly it seems to indicate it's all about you, your needs, what you want, regardless if it may be what he wants - that's how it reads to an outsider.

 

If this letter is about apologizing for your behavior: then start with that

 

Dear ..., please allow me to apologize for all the pain .... that I caused you. I realize that I made many mistakes. If you can find it in your heart to at least give me a chance to explain why I did what I did and how I am intending to ensure that I never behave in such a way, please continue to read, although it is a bit lengthy.

 

...

[ClarityCoast]

Aphrodite, in your last posts on here you received a WEALTH of good advice.

Primarily, that you should let your ex heal...while you work on your anger issues.

If that has not happened, and it has been no time at all, then you are likely to get the same advice again.

 

Last time, not a soul recommended you send that letter.

[mhowe]

Sending a letter which opens w/ pls read this ---

 

what you are failing to understand is that while you feel the need to say something, he has no need to listen. You cannot make his read it, nor respond to it. In fact, if he even opens it ---that would be a miracle.