What's going on here?

[ThomasP]

As some of you may have read, I was having some issues with a girl who I wanted to ask out.

Long story short: 2 months ago we starting falling for one another since we hung out a lot, as friends. Something changed and all of a sudden she became distant. After her friend forced us to finally talk it over, we told each other how we felt. She mentioned she had lost interest, and we agreed to be friends. Her reasons for losing interest: I didn't act fast enough/she thought I was not interested, and some family issues and stress.

We talked for a month, still being quite distant.

I decided it would be best to distance myself from her a bit. I still spoke with her, but was not as enthusiastic or "fun" like I usually am.

 

So here we are now. She started getting a little closer recently. Her family, who has always been fond of me (I've only met them about 5 times) asked me over to dinner. They invited her brother's friend as well, but he didn't show up.

I also recently found out, from her brother, that she talks to me about a lot of things. He randomly blurted out, "Wow, do you tell him everything?!" after I recited a story about her brother, that she told me.

She does still need some stuff from me, but nothing she can't survive without (just a ton of docs I told her I would give her that would make grad school registration a bit easier).

 

Am I just kidding myself in thinking she has regained interest? I feel she is really insistent on us just being friends, but can't tell anymore.

 

I'm finally going to be getting out there and living the "college life" a little more, so I am still hoping to meet someone new.

[DN]

Her excuse about 'you waited too long' is nonsense. I think you should look for someone else.

[ThomasP]

Agreed, DN. I do have reason to believe she lost interest for very shallow reasons -of which I would prefer not to post about, since they are rather personal-.

I am interested in hearing other opinions though.

I don't know if I would even ask her out again. If she did regain interest, would she be expecting me to make a move? Again, I don't intend to, but this has me puzzled. I don't understand how women -and of course, men- can turn someone down, regain interest, and STILL expect them to make the first move...again.

 

My only issue is that I am a rather shy person, so meeting people is difficult for me. She essentially planned everything from us meeting up at random times, to us going out, as friends.

[Ms Darcy]

You should ask her not us.

 

By the way, I don't think it's fair to interrogate someone for WHY they lost interest. She lost interest - that's what matters.

[jaciej]

When you genuinely are attracted to someone....time is irrelevant.

 

I know people who have lusted after someone for years. So her excuse is a cop-put. She is probably someone who likes male attention and to be chased. Based on her logic your "relationship" would not have lasted the distance anyway. Maybe you had a lucky escape.

 

She seems to like the chase and the challenge. She is probably testing to see if there is still interest.

[Thorshammer]

Her excuse about 'you waited too long' is nonsense. I think you should look for someone else.

 

I agree with this. As soon as i read your excuse my bs radar went off. That line is usually an easy "cop out" for some. Unless she is super insecure and is playing games, only you know her to make any assumptions.

[happpybear]

I can understand her giving up on waiting for you though...if you were beating around the bush for so long...

 

But, if she liked you for long time prior, then those feelings don't just go away usually. I could understand her acting distant because she thought you might not be into her, but if she had really liked you she would still be interested when you guys had that convo, and she would have told you.

 

i think she is also looking for attention.

 

I have had this happen to me too, where i felt the need to tuck my tail and back away because i thought my feelings were unrequited cause nothing was happening, but i still harboured those feelings for quite some time, and if me and the guy had of had the chat you guys did, i would have told him the truth and would still accept a date with him

[Ms Darcy]

When you genuinely are attracted to someone....time is irrelevant.

 

I don't agree with that.

[ThomasP]

Thanks so much everyone. It seems the general consensus is, it was lust, if anything.

Ms Darcy, I will not lie, I did ask her when she lost interest (I just wanted to know where I went wrong) but did not ask her why. She just pointed those two things out.

She does have tons of male friends, and has had a...rather high number of past boyfriends. I guess she was just interested in the attention.

I doubt it makes a difference, but she does still bring up her ex every once in awhile.

Oh well, I'm doing more things and getting much more involved than I ever was. Hopefully I can meet someone!

I'm generally a shy-extrovert...oh the irony!

[Ms Darcy]

Well I wish you luck on meeting someone!

[ThomasP]

Thanks Ms Darcy!

Hopefully I can break my shyness soon.