bhzmafia Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 I really want to hear from other males who have been in my position. First hand experience is what I need here. Please let me know if you have first hand experience when replying. I have been with my gf for 5 years and its on the border of house and marriage, but every now and then I have doubts. Ill go through my story, let me know if you think I'm right in having doubts, or if I'm normal. I have never had a proper gf before, had sex with a few others but none properly. All drunk and quick, you know how it is as a youngin! I see lots and lots of girls who I think are very attractive and I'd love to have sex with, almost constantly. My gf is hot, but not always my 10, and I often wonder about sex with other girls. We get along really well, and my gf is so cute, I love her little intricacies. I'm happy when I'm with her and she doesn't bug me. My tolerance is low, so someone that doesn't bug me is a big deal! We don't have sex a often as I would like, a few times a week but generally only weekends. In summary, from male experience I would like to know: - is it normal to fantasise often about other girls -can you be happy in marriage with someone who isn't your '10' - what is most important in your relationship -from what little I've said, how does it sound from the outside Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Not a male, so can't speak to the "is she the one" -- but a few questions answered wll give folks more info - Are you a "10" in her book, or any other womans'? Are you working -- as in, a house and marriage would be in the cards soon? Tell us more about her -- besides she is cute and doesn't bug you. Link to comment
jaciej Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 From a female perspective it sounds like you are just "settling". If you are in love with a woman regardless of what she looks like she would always be a "10" to you. Link to comment
CRCfem Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 As a woman - in my ideal world, the man who marries me I imagine him to be drooling all over me! BUt that may be unrealistic expectations, just the way men might have theirs! Fantasies aside , would be great if, apart from all the other areas where you are compatible wiht her, you two would be able to kindle some CRAZY MAGIC moments (sexual and/or otherwise). Keeping an eye on oyur thread as it's a great question! Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted August 20, 2012 Author Share Posted August 20, 2012 Are you a "10" in her book, or any other womans'? Are you working -- as in, a house and marriage would be in the cards soon? Tell us more about her -- besides she is cute and doesn't bug you. I don't see the relevance, but I'd say so. Yes, both Work. House and guess is on the cards as I said. We fit well together, for lack of a better word, when hugging.weird thing to describe I guess, I don't know how to write it. Someone wrote it in a book once and it made sense to me... What else is there to say about her? She makes me happy and I love spending time with her Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Well -- the relevance is that if you are not all that and a bag of chips, then what is to say any of the other women you fantasize about would be looking to be w/ you as well. Just a reality check. She makes you happy -- and you like being with her. She doesn't drive you nuts. She is cute. Have to say, doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement. Sounds like "she's okay for now". From the outside, looking in. Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted August 20, 2012 Author Share Posted August 20, 2012 As a woman - in my ideal world, the man who marries me I imagine him to be drooling all over me! no disrespect to women, but this sort of answer is what I expected from women. In romance novels this is of course the ideal relationship, but I really want to hear from males with a more logical, if that's the right word, view on things. Trying not to sound horribly sexist with the above, but I hope you ladies understand where I'm coming from. Link to comment
CRCfem Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 no disrespect to women, but this sort of answer is what I expected from women. In romance novels this is of course the ideal relationship, but I really want to hear from males with a more logical, if that's the right word, view on things. Trying not to sound horribly sexist with the above, but I hope you ladies understand where I'm coming from. No offense taken!! Link to comment
jaciej Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 I don't see the relevance, but I'd say so. Yes, both Work. House and guess is on the cards as I said. We fit well together, for lack of a better word, when hugging.weird thing to describe I guess, I don't know how to write it. Someone wrote it in a book once and it made sense to me... What else is there to say about her? She makes me happy and I love spending time with her You say you find her cute, attractive, you "love" spending time with her and she makes you happy... but I notice you don't say that "you love her or are "inlove" with her" (or does that go without saying). As humans we're designed to find people attractive regardless of being married/partnered, it is whether you are willing/prepared to act on that attraction is the question. Is it a case of "losing your sexuals freedoms" why it all seems more attractive. Link to comment
dunfalma Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Well according to my friends in long term relationships - you do end up being attracted to others which is normal. But it is what you choose to do about the attraction. And in a ltr, can she give you everything you need? aka is she kind, loyal, supportive, funny, has a good character? Do you trust her to be around in the worst circumstances - if you lose your job/become sick? Can you provide her with that level of support? Something to think about ... looks fade, money comes and goes but character is most important. Link to comment
CRCfem Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 As a woman *again sorry to take up space* -- one of my ex was amazing sexually, we really hit it on.. it was nuts, crazy, wildest fantasies and couldnt get enough of it sexually togehter. When we were not at it, he would be texting.mailing me about it. When we were at it, it was crazy CHEMISTRY!! couldn't look at other men in a sexual way, he satisfied every craving. Am positive he felt the same way!!!!! However, other things in the relationship did not work. At first, they did not work slightly, then later we ignored them and they blew on our faces. Things like: different education levels/aspirations; ability to enterntain and keep eachother engaged for a long period of time; different hobbies (didn't make a different at the beginning, but later it did); different expectations of life in general. Things started to irritate me about him, and me to irritate him. Eventually, the relationship became too toxic but sex kept it together for quite a long time. Until we realised that the 'love' we thought we had, was kinda skewed and didn't help up develop as people, apart from the amazing sex when we felt too intimate and too crazy for words. In short, there has to be a balance of everything.............. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 So -- how is her character? Link to comment
becomingkate Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 - is it normal to fantasize often about other girls? I thought it was, but asked my husband anyway. His take is that men are hardwired to procreate with as many females as possible to ensure that our species survives. Even if you're not physically fulfilling it, the thoughts are there. The fantasies tend to follow an ebb and flow depending on what's happening in your relationships. Personally, I think both sexes fantasize about others and it doesn't mean you love your partner less. -can you be happy in marriage with someone who isn't your '10' Yes. When I was younger my '10' was a man who was 6' tall, had brown hair, was an athlete and worked as a professional. I would have found my current husband attractive, but it wasn't until I fell in love with him that I realized he was my '10' at 5'7" with blonde hair and drives truck. (His '10' was someone much smaller and much fairer than I am.) We have great chemistry and camaraderie, as well as the same life goals and that gives us stability as well as sexual fulfillment. - what is most important in your relationship My husband says all the qualities of the relationship are equally important. Love of family, stability (includes trust), the ability to forgive and sex are all things that we share that keep us bound together. -from what little I've said, how does it sound from the outside It sounds to us like you're not ready to marry. We think that because your long term GF has been your only long term relationship, you do not have the experiences you need to feel secure with this commitment. It's not fair to you or your GF if you marry her, buy a house, have children, and in ten years or less leave her or cheat on her because you feel like you were cheated out of a certain lifestyle when you were young. I'm not suggesting you break up with her, but perhaps have a good heart-to-heart to see where she's at. For sure, I would put off buying a house together or marrying, until this issue is resolved for you. Link to comment
camus154 Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Here's my perspective, OP. You're young and it sounds like you've got a touch of wander lust. My advice is to stay away from a serious relationship for now and try playing the field. Go after as many 10s as you'd like. Do it now, while you're young and you can both get it out of your system AND get a healthy dose of perspective. Eventually you'll mature and your priorities will change, such that they're more in line with settling down. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Here's my perspective, OP. You're young and it sounds like you've got a touch of wander lust. My advice is to stay away from a serious relationship for now and try playing the field. Go after as many 10s as you'd like. Do it now, while you're young and you can both get it out of your system AND get a healthy dose of perspective. Eventually you'll mature and your priorities will change, such that they're more in line with settling down. I tend to agree with this. Link to comment
Lester Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 In summary, from male experience I would like to know: - is it normal to fantasise often about other girls Yes -can you be happy in marriage with someone who isn't your '10' Absolutely! Old adage, be careful what you ask for! Any women over an 8 may/can come with a whole different set of heartache! - what is most important in your relationship I really love her! -from what little I've said, how does it sound from the outside You may be a mama’s boy. Also, “We don't have sex a often as I would like, a few times a week but generally only weekends.” - Five years together… very normal. Link to comment
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