What is he implying??

[summer33]

Okay this is a random quick question - there's a long story to this, but I'll keep it quick. Been "talking" to a guy since last October. Can't get him to commit. We had a talk yesterday about how I want a committal by now otherwise I'm wasting my time and I need to move on. He says he's scared to commit because of past relationship. Convo ended. He texted me today saying - "Hey sorry about yesterday. Idk what I want. I just think that I should stay single for now. I don't want to hurt anyone or get hurt myself. idk." I didn't respond. Hour later he called me. I didn't pickup. He texted "you asleep". I didn't respond. He called again like 20 minutes later. I didn't pick up. I kind of don't want to deal with it right now, but if he basically said he doesn't want a relationship, why does he keep calling me?? Does he seem confused?? Or what is he implying??

[annie24]

It's kind of crappy if you have been dating for 10 months and he says he wants to be single. Call him back, say thanks for letting me know, and move on.

[LillyLooWho]

It's usually a pretty good sign that someone is not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship when they say things like "I should stay single for now". Of course, most things in life and not black and white, right? He likes you, otherwise he wouldn't be talking to you for so long but he wants to keep things the way they are which is nonthreatening to him but frustrating to you. The way it is right now is working for him which is why he wants to keep you doing it. It just depends on how long you are willing to hang around waiting for him to maybe change his mind or not. If you think you are going to continue to get more and more frustrated by the situation, you might tell him that and start moving away from him into some other relationships that don't frustrate you as much (friends, new connections, etc.)

[summer33]

so you guys are saying by him saying that and then keep calling me afterwards he's kind of like reassuring himself that things will stay the same??? but it doesn't mean that he is maybe reconsidering?? or is confused??

[annie24]

I think he likes the status quo - having you to hang out with without the commitment.

[ToF]

He wants all the perks (sex, company, etc), with none of the commitment or monogamy. You may want to consider getting an STD test if you haven't been using protection. Sorry for being blunt, but this does not sound like someone who is concerned about staying monogamous.

 

If you don't like this arrangement, you should definitely leave. I think if he was going to commit to you, it would have happened already. And you wouldn't have had to try to make him do it. That's always a bad sign.

[summer33]

makes sense. i'm not budging. i've already waited so long.

[ToF]

Glad to hear it. I'll encourage once more that you get tested. Just in case, you know?

 

I like annie24's suggestion -- Call (or even text, in this case, since in his mind you're not even dating) and say you won't be seeing him anymore, good luck in the future, etc. Then delete his contact information and start moving forward.

 

And of course, post here if you need any more support.

[laninaperdida]

He's not implying anything, babe.

He's *telling* you flat out that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Sorry,

[EmotionalCreature]

It's kind of crappy if you have been dating for 10 months and he says he wants to be single. Call him back, say thanks for letting me know, and move on.

 

I was pleasantly amused at the casual tone and manner of the delivery you suggested here.

 

You have definitely waited long enough. He was honest with you that he wants to be single, that's a plus. What you would hate more is if he strings you along with lies about how he feels. So you now have a decision to make and you already know what it will be. I don't think he particularly wants to use you, more like he isn't sure what he wants with you but still wants to keep you within an arm reach. Too bad that's not good enough after 10 months.

[annie24]

Lol, I guess it's easy for me to be casual when I'm not the one making that phone call!

[mhowe]

Lol, I guess it's easy for me to be casual when I'm not the one making that phone call!

 

You are one of my fav moderators -- you tell it like it is, w/out a lot of "appropriate" language!!!

 

Bravo.

[summer33]

I responded by text and said "I respect that. Although I assured you I wouldn't hurt you ever, it is up to you to trust me. I wish you nothing but the best in the future."

[annie24]

Good luck. At least now you know and you can move on.

[Ms Darcy]

10 months and he won't commit? Run away. He wasn't hurt by 'something' in the past. He's using it as an excuse to avoid committing to you.

[murdock604]

Sadly, my friends and I would play a game in college to see how long we can keep a chick around without committing. It was pretty selfish, looking back - but some people will go to great lengths to find love.

[Sportster2005]

He simply wants the benefits of a girl friend without any commitment. He is not confused, he is dishonest.