Boyfriend still mad over cheating I did 4 months ago

[huckleberry-jinx]

Okay... here's the story. He was gone to colorado and well.. I was madly in love with him. he was gone for 3 weeks already and I was going nuts!!! he had said he'd be home soon and then he told me he wasnt going to come home for another 3 weeks. then he told his guy friend he'd be coming home in the next week. I felt like he'd lied to me on purpose but he hadnt. Also he decided not to call me because I'd lost a game of strip poker (but all i had to do was flash these guys.) he was incensed after that and refused to call me but at that time i didnt know why he wasnt calling me. I felt like he was about to break up with me and he hated me. well my new friend jennifer and i talked to this one guy on the internet we knew and he invited us over to his house.. he apparently liked me a lot and i needed some appreciation. well when we got over there we ended up making out... and he went under my shirt.

 

Well 3 days and many crying phone conversations later, he decides to give me another chance. Jennifer again wants to hang out with guys. and... with another guy that liked me. well we ended up spending the night there... against everything i wanted to do i really didnt want to stay.. because i knew what i'd do.

 

I ended up making out with this guy intensely and doing some other stuff.. stuff i didnt want to do so i ended up crying and trying to run away. (he actually began to have sex with me and i was caught up in the moment.)

 

also that day i was all over my ex boyfriend and i'd playfully kissed another guy. (that made his total of me cheating to 5.) I was still ina horrid mind set.

 

Well after all of that (it was July 4th) he is still going out with me, but lately he's been really mean and spiteful and things... saying "well you're not the person i want to marry anymore" and junk like that. Though when he tried to break up with me a month before, HE called ME back crying his eyes out.

 

At the moment he is ignoring me and will not talk to me at all. I really do still love him and regret all i did, as when he returned everything shot me in the face. I want him and me to still be as close as we were but i'm aware i messed that up. But its October now... if he is still mad at me why is he still with me? He could get booty elsewhere...

 

HELP!

[Bloodblade]

my guess is that he is not strong enough to break up with you...poor guy...no offense but (FLAMING DELETED BY MODERATOR), making the mistake of cheating on him once was bad enough but then you go and do it multiple times? cmon!

 

the reason why he says all these spiteful things is because he has probobly lost all respect for you because of what you have done...i know that i have

 

im sorry if i came accross mean, but dang girl what the heck were u thinking?

[huckleberry-jinx]

...riiiiiiiighty-o.. well he'd been mean to me before that. and after that when he got back with me he wasnt mean. why now? that's the question.

[Meow18]

Well it seems to me like you have no self control, so I think that him ignoring you is what is best.

 

How could you do this to him 5 times?? If you loved him you wouldn't have made the same mistake that many times. I suggest learning a little self control & trying to not get yourself in situations when you know that you will do something you don't really want to.

 

Your boyfriend sounds to me like he doesn't want to let you go for whatever reason. Maybe he feels like he truly loves you & doesn't think he could ever be with anyone else. Maybe he;s got no respect for himself to let you get away with this.

 

Honestly I don't blame him for not talking to you. I've been cheated on before & being the stupid person I was, I took the guy back. He ended up doing it again & I never forgave him for that. I'll never talk to him again. It hurts like nothing else.

 

I don't mean to sound mean, but its true. You need to learn self control because anyone can control the choices they make. No one made you make out with a guy, no one made you almost have sex with him, no one made you go to his house. You chose to do that stuff & unfortunantly you are still getting yourself into those situations. If you know someone likes you, then maybe it would be wise to not hang out around them so much, especially if you know you can't control yourself.

 

If you really love your boyfriend, work on yourself. I can tell you now that he may keep taking you back, but one day he's going to realize that its not going to stop. I'm sure he's lost all trust for you. So you need to earn it back. Hanging out with these other guys that you can't control yourself around isn't going to make him trust you. Give him a reason to believe that you love him & earn his trust back.

 

As for him ignoring you, maybe its what you need to realize that he's getting fed up with it.

[huckleberry-jinx]

i did this in July and i havent done anything since... it was all at the same time. i dont see why he wont break up with me if apparently he doesnt like me anymore - but i havent been tempted any because of the fact i love him and he told me he loves me too and i've been in situations that i could have. i wont anymore.. i've made promises to myself. why doesnt anyone see this from my POV?

 

and HE says its 5 times.. I say 2 for real. everyone else I ask says flashing isnt cheating.

[Bloodblade]

maybe u should take a step back to see how distorted ur point of view is...

[Meow18]

Honestly, I can't see it from your point of view. I couldn't even imagine cheating on my boyfriend. All I know is that I would hate myself if I ever hurt him like that.

 

I've been in situations where I could have too. One of my guy friends tried kissing me recently. I could have just given him the kiss he wanted, but I didn't. I pushed him away because I thought about how hurt my boyfriend would have been. This guy disrespected me & my boyfriend. He shouldn't even have tried to kiss me because he knew I loved my boyfriend more than anything. I'm not friends with that guy anymore because I'm so mad at him for what he did & if he doesn't respect my relationship with my boyfriend, then he doesn't respect me.

 

If I was in your situation, I would try to figure out how to win his trust back. Obviously now he's just really hurt about it. Maybe it was one of those things that he didn't really feel at the beginning. After you cheated the first time, maybe he thought "it was just a mistake", then the next times he thought "ok, she has problems but she loves me so she can work through them". Even though you haven't done anything in a couple months, its probably really hitting him & maybe he's thinking "If she loved me, she wouldn't even have done it the first time".

 

Who knows what is going through his mind. THe point is is that its finally kicking in. You cheating on him probably didn't even seem real at first. Now he's thinking about it more & the pain is starting kick in.

[huckleberry-jinx]

i can understand that better.

 

if i did cheat on him again i'd definitely want him to break up with me.

 

-.- no matter what

[huckleberry-jinx]

man i really love this guy though. it was questionable then but definitely not now... but if he doesnt like me i wish he would leave.

[Cecelius]

Flashing is not cheating, but its skanky and is like begging for someone to try something on you.

 

No offense, but you need to figure out why you have this "confusion" -- why is it that you definitely didn't want to hook up, but still did it. I think the answer is that you like the attention but need a b/f as a back up.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting attention and to flirt and mess around, but stop saying things like "all I had to do was flash them" and "I didn't want to stay because I knew what I would do". You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, so stop blaming your own infidelity on "things just happening" or that you ended up doing x,y or z. And if you don't know what you want to do, you just end up doing whatever the dude you happen to be with wants to do. Where'e the personal satisfaction in that?

[huckleberry-jinx]

jeez why does everyone go back here? I'm not asking how to live my life and I dont act that way anymore. nor will I ever want to act that way again, i have more self respect than that now. my sister especially beat that into my head -.-. I didnt want to flash its not like MM i want to show off but my friend jennifer insisted i do this... she takes the blame for everything and i dont know why but... you know.. i dont hang out with her that much and i've never, ever had a smidgen of want to cheat again. I cant stand to even think of it - it makes me sick.

[Bloodblade]

well it seems you like understand that what u were doing was wrong, but keep in mind u still did do what u did and your BF is most definatly hurting as a result of that...if he cares about u enough to stay with u after all that then he must really like u...but he is hurting and understandibly so, just remember that and cut him some slack

[Scout]

Huckleberry, you're being very defensive. We are not your ex boyfriend, we are a group of people you do not know who you asked for opinions. We're giving them - and we're taking time out of our day to do so.

 

If you still feel very touchy about this subject, it's probably best not to ask a group of people for advice about it, if you can't handle hearing their opinions which definitely are not from your point of view.

 

Let's face it, you're not putting much control on yourself sexually. You already have suffered some consequences as a result - you've lost your boyfriend, the one person who wasn't treating you like a piece of tail. Now he is, because that is how you've portrayed yourself to be.

 

Harsh words, yes, but be a brave girl and face up to them and STOP this self-destructive behavior before something worse happens. I know that attention from guys feels good, but you don't have to put out to get that attention from quality guys. I bet you have a lot of wonderful traits and facets to your personality that could shine through if you gave them the chance. You don't have to resort to sex to get a guy to pay attention to you.

 

I mean this all in a helpful way, but I know they are hard words to read. It's honestly not my intention to offend you, but to give you a healthier perspective.

[JynX]

What I dont understand is you say you love your boyfriend...if you love him why cheat? So what if he was going away for a little bit? It hurts me to even THINK of how my bf would feel if I did that to him. It'd completely destroy me if something like that actually happened and I hurt him this bad. He and I had times where we were both away and didn't see each other for a few weeks, but during that time no other guy was in my head, at all, because what I feel for him is true love.

 

In my opinion, and I dont mean to sound harsh, but if you really loved him you would have never cheated in the first place. Maybe you're the type who needs constant attention from guys? If that's the case...I'm sorry, but you dont deserve your boyfriend. The fact that he's still with you shows he cares and you're making his sudden bitterness to be something that's not your fault. It is your fault. Like pretty much everyone here said, it's really hurting him now that the reality is starting to kick in.

 

I'm sorry if this was harsh...but I didn't know any other way to put that.

 

JyNx

[Ricki008]

Its not what everyone else says is cheating that matters now is it?

 

If you feel you've done nothing wrong then you two don't belong together. I would suggest in the future that you keep what trust, fidelity and betrayel mean to you, and your partner. Its important, and nope, not everybody has the same definition. Some partners go further than you did, and still maintain a solid relationship, others feel betrayed at something as simple as watching a girl/boy pass by.

[OceanEyes]

So you're basically wondering why he doesn't just break up with you, if he does in fact dislike to you this extent.

 

He has obviously had some very intense feelings for you. You've betrayed him and his trust for you on several occasions, and still it seems like you feel like the victim and are defending your actions. If you want him to forgive you and be able to move past these indiscretions, you're going to have to accept all responsibility. You are, in a way, accepting some responsibility, but you still seem to be sugar-coating the things you've done, or defending them. You simply can't do this, and I can see why your boyfriend won't talk to you.

 

He's confused. He's been hurt. He needs to stop contact with you for the time being to sort out his feelings, and to concentrate on himself for a little while. Remember - just because the cheating occurred 4 months ago, doesn't mean that he's just forgiven and forgotten. You have to prove to him that you can be trusted again - that's not up to him.

[lusitana]

Okay, I'm not going to sit and bash you about having loose morals, no sense of loyalty, etc. It's been beaten into the ground and people do crazy things when in duress.

 

Two things worry me. One is that you felt so completely lost and desperate after only six weeks of separation from your significant other that you went temporarily insane. I realize you're young, and it's okay to miss someone when they're gone and cry and mope a little, but to run off to strange men's houses and have sex with random guys? I worry that you're highly co-dependent and don't see that you have intrinsic self-worth (ie you don't need a man's approval to be happy). This is illustrated by the second part of your post that scared me, which is where you justify your visiting of the men off the Internet by saying you were in need of some appreciation and he liked you. Can you not receive appreciation as kind words from family or friends (never a perfect substitute but it's better than jumping random guys when you're still technically in a relationship, angry boyfriend notwithstanding)?

 

I am honestly not trying to be harsh but do you think that your boyfriend blew up about the whole flashing guys at poker bit because deep down, he knew that you are predisposed to this sort of behaviour? Either way, if your boyfriend wants to maintain a relationship he doesn't have to forget what you've done but he DOES have to forgive you. The way he's treating you makes me upset, not because you don't deserve some sort of comeuppance but because he's taking advantage of your co-dependence to keep you cowed and feeling guilty.

 

You ask why he's still with you; I ask why you're still with him. The bottom line, dear, is that if you had more self-respect you'd leave this relationship. He's been bashing you constantly for three months. You've already tried to talk through his feelings (I assume). His constantly making you feel grateful to him for staying with you is not love. If I were you I'd spend some time single and learn that I have self-worth and don't have to rely on men's affections before attempting to get into another relationship.

[huckleberry-jinx]

thanks lusitana I think you're right.

 

We broke up just about 2 hours ago. So... yeah.

 

He was crying when I went to get my stuff from his house...

 

so I dont know.

[hockeyboy]

honestly, im disgusted by cheaters. ive had oppurtunities to cheat on my gfs w/ good looking girls but never would..its gross...how did you expect him to react/treat you?

[yeawutever]

SAME HERE CHEATERS DISGUSTED ME. IF I HAD A B/F AND HE ONCE DECIDED TO CHEAT ON ME IT WOULD BE "OUT THE DOOR MISTER"

[DancingD]

I agree with lusitana, be the woman and end this relationship instead of waiting for him to do it, its apparent that he is not strong enough so you do it, and also tell him that he deserves better.

[kimkim72]

Girl you are to crazy. He doesn't trust you. Why would he want to marry someone that's cheated on him numerous of times. I sure wouldn't. He loves your last dirty draws that's why he's coming back to you. You need to leave him alone so you can do your own thing. Your not ready for a committed relationship. That's sad because you wasted not only your time but his also. He could have had a woman by now. Not saying your not a woman but he could have a person that respects and love him.

[yeawutever]

UM ACCRODING TO HER LAST POST, SAYS SHE DID BREAK UP WITH HIM AND HE WAS CRYING. CAN'T YALL IMAGINE THAT, HE CRYING, LOL. GUESS HE WANS'T STRONG ENOUGH LIKE A REAL GUY.

[avman]

Please do not post in all caps. It is very hard to read and seen as SHOUTING.

[yeawutever]

LOL, actually im not mad, im just impress by how that guy wans't strong enough to breka up with her, she cheated like two or three times and he would still come calling her crying his eyes out. Anyways he didn't do the break up, she did and he was crying. Now how stupid. Im sure a strong guy would click right away on the first cheat. Me as a girl I have ZERO TOLERANCE for that.